The God Who Wants to be Found
August 5, 2005

Sometimes I think we imagine a God who plays hide and go seek with His children.  "Catch me if you can", He taunts, before ducking away into another dimension.  It's true that we will never in this life understand the depth of God's character; there are mysteries that are beyond our comprehension.  "How exactly does that Trinity work again?"  "God did what for me?"  As much as we can rest in awe of the mysteries of God, and as helpful as it can be for us to talk about things like "pursuing God", we need to make sure we don't miss the point.  I tried pursuing God; I caught Him.  Actually, He let me catch Him.

"You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."  (Jeremiah 29:13)  This well-known verse shows us the overarching theme of God's revelation to us: He wants to be found.  Why then does He seem so hard to find at times?  We can't miss the caveat in the verse: seeking with all our heart.  It's one thing to say we're looking for answers about God, and looking to know Him more, while cherishing some earthly pleasure.  It's sort of like the child who pretends to pay attention to his parent while peeking out the side of his eyes at whatever shiny object presents itself.  But if we seek with all our heart, offering ourselves to Him, we will find Him, because He has made Himself findable.  Even Daniel describes the Lord as "the God who reveals mysteries."

Paul prays for some believers that God would fill them "with the knowledge of his will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding.  And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please Him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God..." (Col. 1:9-10)  A gem we find in this verse is that it is pleasing to God that we grow in knowledge of Him.  He wants to be known better!  He is not a distant God who wants to remain mysterious; rather He is revealing His character, His love and holiness, to us.  Sure we cannot fathom at once all that He is; but as we walk in this life, He wants us to get to know Him better.  This is not just intellectual knowledge, of course, but personally knowing Him as a child knows his father, or a bride her groom.

"My purpose is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge." (Col. 2:2-3)  And what is the mystery that God has revealed?  Christ!  A few verses earlier this is expanded upon: "...the mystery that has been kept hidden for ages and generations, but is now disclosed to the saints.  To them God has chosen to make known, among the Gentiles, the glorious riches of this mystery: Christ in you, the hope of glory." (Col. 1:26-27)  Not only is Christ the revelation of God's character, but if we have put our faith in Him, it is true that He lives in us.  And guess what?  In Him are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge.  If God did not want us to know Him, He would not have placed Christ in us.

Confused?  Want to grow?  Looking for purpose?  Look to Christ!  The Spirit He's placed in us, who searches even the deep things of the Father, will teach us all things, giving understanding of how Christ reveals the Father. Don't know Him at all?  Ask Him in; He does good work from inside.

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Get Ready
May 19, 2005

Joshua 1:2-3 - "Get ready to cross the Jordan River into the land I am about to give them - to the Israelites.  I will give you every place where you set your foot, as I promised Moses."

Get ready!  The Lord wants to bring us into the promised land of walking in the Spirit - are we ready?  In this land of abundance, flowing with milk and honey, the prerequisite is faith, for there are trials and enemies far beyond our ability to overcome.  What we need is to trust in the Lord, step out of the way and watch Him be victorious.  We get the milk of the Word, that grows us up in our salvation, as well as the honey of the Word that delights our souls.  Let us not grow weary or lose heart by seeing the obstacles in the land; as the spies had earlier returned more full of fear at the size of the enemies than the hope of the size of the blessings, so we too must not fear, but be strong and courageous, trusting that the Lord will provide what He's promised, and He will take care of every issue that comes up.  Ministry is too hard for us - let us learn from the Israelites and watch the Lord have victory, again and again.

God promised to give them every place they set their feet; the amount of faith they had dictated the amount of blessings they would receive.  Just as the widow in Elisha's time received in as many pots as she gathered (2 Kings 4), so we will see blessings proportational to our faith. Lord, increase our faith.

But to this same request Jesus replied, "If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mulberry tree, 'Be uprooted and planted in the sea,' and it will obey you." (Luke 17:6)  So let us not be daunted by not having enough faith; let us cast our mustard seed to the Lord and watch the Lord grow it and grow the ministry He desires to work through us.

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Delight in…
May 5, 2005

- The word of God
   - the law of the Lord ā€“ Psalm 1:2, 119:70,77,92,174, Rom. 7:22
   - the words of the Lord - Psalm 111:2, Jeremiah 15:16
   - the commands of the Lord - Psalm 112:1, 119:35,47,143
   - the Lordā€™s decrees - Psalm 119:16
   - the Lordā€™s statutes - Psalm 119:24
   - the teachings of Christ - Mark 12:37

- the Lord Himself
   - the Lord - Psalm 22:8, 37:4
   - God my joy - Psalm 43:4
   - the Lord, who has clothed me - Is. 61:10

- the works of God
   - hearing the rescuing works of God - Ex. 18:9
   - the Lord's deliverance - 1 Sam. 2:1
   - the works of Christ - Luke 13:17
   - the Lord's salvation - Psalm 35:9

- wisdom
   - wisdom - Proverbs 10:23
   - a wise servant  - Proverbs 14:35
   - a wise son - Proverbs 23:24, 29:17

- other
   - revering God's name - Nehemiah. 1:11
   - the fear of the Lord - Is. 11:3
   - our inheritance - Psalm 16:6, Colossians 1:12
   - the love of our Lover - Song of Solomon 1:2, 4:10
   - the Lord's fare (provision) - Is. 55:2
   - the Sabbath - Is. 58:13
   - weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions,  difficulties - 2 Cor. 12:10
   - the order and growth of a church - Col. 2:5
   - sharing the gospel and our lives with growing people - 1 Thessalonians 2:8

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March 9, 2005

Lord, my Strength, help me to love You today by obeying what You call me to. Show Your servant what path You have marked out for me, what opportunities You want to bring me. Help me to be faithful, and to commune with You every moment. My body and my spirit are held together by Your hand; may my mind be conscious of this always, as I listen to You and enjoy the followship with You that is always mine.

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1 Timothy 4:12
January 28, 2005

1 Timothy 4:12 - "Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity."

- Speech (NKJV: word): let the words that come out of my mouth be always edifying, always giving praise to God, rather than tearing down and cursing. Then every word I say will point people to the Lord's holiness.

- Life (NKJV: conduct): Conduct: "The way a person acts, especially from the standpoint of morality and ethics." Let all my actions be such that if I am being scrutinized, I know my actions are glorifying to God and modeling the very things I say with my words.

- Love: let me actually be loving those in the body of Christ, by praying for them, taking every opportunity to serve, building them up with encouragement, and just being available for them.

- Spirit (NKJV only): Greek pneumati (wind, breath, spirit). Let me be an example of always being filled with the Holy Spirit, carrying the Lord such that when people look at me, they see and sense Christ. Let me demonstrate a spirit of compassion and concern, of humility, of joy.

- Faith: let my faith in the Lord be evident through every circumstance and situation in my life, so that how I handle things demonstrates the reality of God in my life.

- Purity: let every thought, every motive, every word and every action be full of purity, and so demonstrating truly the love of Christ, for His love is nothing if not pure. "Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God." And He will be seen in me, as well.

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December 8, 2004

Father, I love You with all of my life. You are my only Savior, my only hope that I have cried out to, and You have delivered me. Not by works but by Your Spirit; it's Your grace that I stand on. Let it be known that I know that nothing will tear me from You. Jesus, I wait Your blessed return even as You indwell within me and glorify the Father through me. Lord, come quickly! This weary world longs for You; with the rocks we cry out that You are glorious.

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November 19, 2004

                C#m  B              E
Blessed are the poor, for they are Yours
                C#m  B                E
Blessed are the weak when they cry to You
              C#m   B       G#m    A
All those who thirst, will drink again
   F#m  B       E
So Lord, here I am

Blessed are the wounded, for they are like You
Blessed are the pure, they will see God
Those who are merciful, they will see grace
Lord lift my head, to look full in Your face

Chorus:
      F#m   A       E
Be enthroned on my heart
      F#m   A       E
Be enthroned on my mind
      F#m   A         C#m   B
Be enthroned upon my trials
      F#m           B        E
Be enthroned on my life, oh Lord

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October 4, 2004

What Pleases God
This is a list of all the verses in the New Testament that mention pleasing God, divided into three sections.- Should we focus on pleasing God?- What actions is God pleased to do?- What actions of ours please God?

Should we focus on pleasing God?
- 1 Corinthians 7:32 - "I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord's affairs - how he can please the Lord." (it's good to focus on pleasing Him)
- 2 Cor. 5:9 - "So we make it our goal to please him, whether we are at home in the body or away from it." (should be our goal)
- Gal. 1:15 - "Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ." (Paul was trying to please God, not men)
- 1 Thess. 2:4 - "On the contrary, we speak as men approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel. We are not trying to please men but God, who tests our hearts." (Paul was trying to please God, not men)
- 2 Tim. 2:3-4 - "Endure hardship with us like a good soldier of Christ Jesus. No one serving as a soldier gets involved in civilian affairs - he wants to please his commanding officer." (we should want to please God - enduring hardship)
- Titus 2:9-10 - "Teach slaves to be subject to their masters in everything, to try to please them, not to talk back to them, and not to steal from them, but to show that they can be fully trusted, so that in every way they will make the teaching about God our Savior attractive." (slaves are to try to please their masters in everything - so we too with our Master)

God's actions
- Matt. 11:25-26, Luke 10:21 - "At that time Jesus said, 'I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children. Yes, Father, for this was your good pleasure.'" (hiding truth from the wise and learned, revealing to little children)
- Luke 12:31-32 - "But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well. Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom." (giving the kingdom of God, blessings)
- John 5:21 - "For just as the Father raises the dead and gives them life, even so the Son gives life to whom he is pleased to give it." (giving life)
- 1 Cor. 1:21 - "For since in the wisdom of God the world through its wisdom did not know him, God was pleased through the foolishness of what was preached to save those who believe." (saving people through what seems like foolishness)
- Gal. 1:15-16 - "But when God, who set me apart from birth and called me by his grace, was pleased to reveal his Son in me so that I might preach him among the Gentiles..." (revealing His Son in us)
- Eph. 1:5 - "In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will." (adopting us)
- Eph. 1:7-12 - "In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding. And he made known to us the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure, which he purposed in Christ, to be put into effect when the times will have reached their fulfillment - to bring all things in heaven and on earth together under one head, even Christ. In him we were also chosen ... in order that we, who were the first to hope in Christ, might be for the praise of his glory." (lavishing grace on us, bringing all things together under Christ, choosing us to be for His praise)
- Col. 1:19-20 - "For God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross." (dwelling in Christ fully, reconciling all things to Himself by making peace through the cross)
- Heb. 13:20-21 - "May the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep, equip you with everything good for doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen." (what He works in us is pleasing to Him - it's not our job, but His to do these things in us)

Our Actions (what it looks like when we He works in us what is pleasing to Him)
- Matt. 3:17, 17:5, Mark 1:11, Luke 3:22, 2 Peter 1:17 - "This is my Son, whom I love; with Him I am well pleased." (simply being His Son - because we are adopted as sons, and Christ is in us and we in Him)
- Romans 8:8-9 - "Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God. You, however, are controlled not by the sinful nature but by the Spirit, if the Spirit of God lives in you." (living according to the Spirit)
- Romans 12:1 - "Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God - this is your spiritual act of worship." (offering our bodies as living sacrifices)
- Romans 14:17-19 - "For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit, because anyone who serves Christ in this way is pleasing to God and approved by men. Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification."- (living with righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit; acting with peace and Body growth as the fruit)
- 1 Cor. 10:5 - "Nevertheless, God was not pleased with most of them; their bodies were scattered over the desert." (Israelites in the wilderness were a bad example - didn't believe the Lord's promises)
- Gal. 6:8 - "The one who sows to please his flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life." (sowing to please the Spirit. context: doing good, especially to believers)
- Eph. 5:8-11 - "Live as children of light (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) and find out what pleases the Lord. Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.... Be very careful, then, how you live - not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.... Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit. Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. (living in the light, being filled with the Spirit, sharing with one another song, singing to the Lord, always thanking the Father through Christ, submitting to one another)
- Phil. 4:18 - "I have received full payment and even more; I am amply supplied, now that I have received from Epaphroditus the gifts you sent. They are a fragrant offering, an acceptable sacrifice, pleasing to God." (giving)
- Col. 1:10-12 - "And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks to the Father..." (bearing fruit, growing in knowledge of God, being strengthened by Him to endure patiently, joyfully giving thanks to the Father)
- Col. 3:20 - "Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord." (children obeying parents in everything)
- 1 Thess. 2:15-16 - "They displease God and are hostile to all men in their effort to keep us from speaking to the Gentiles so that they may be saved." (not pleased: with trying to prevent the gospel from being spread)
- 1 Thess. 4:1-12 - "Finally, brothers, we instructed you how to live in order to please God, as in fact you are living. Now we ask you and urge you in the Lord Jesus to do this more and more. For you know what instructions we gave you by the authority of the Lord Jesus. It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable... For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life.... Now about brotherly love we do not need to write to you, for you yourselves have been taught by God to love each other.... Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business and to work with your hands, just as we told you, so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders and so that you will not be dependent on anybody." (being sanctified and controlling your body, living a holy life, loving our brothers, living a quiet life to win respect)
- 1 Tim. 2:1-4 - "I urge, then, first of all, that requests, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for everyone - for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness. This is good, and pleases God our Savior, who wants all men to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth." (praying for authorities, living peaceful godly lives (so that all may be saved))
- 1 Tim. 5:4 - "But if a widow has children or grandchildren, these should learn first of all to put their religion into practice by caring for their own family and so repaying their parents and grandparents, for this is pleasing to God." (putting religion into practice by caring for your family)
- Heb. 10:6-8 - "with burnt offerings and sin offerings you were not pleased... burnt offerings and sin offerings you did not desire, nor were you pleased with them..." (not with offerings (quoting Psalm 40). Is 66:2 - "This is the one I esteem: he who is humble and contrite in spirit, and trembles at my word". Ps 51:17 - "The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.")
- Heb. 10:35-39 - "So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised. For in just a very little while, 'He who is coming will come and will not delay. But my righteous one will live by faith. And if he shrinks back, I will not be pleased with him.' (Hab. 2) But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who believe and are saved." (not pleased: with shrinking back, unbelief)
- Heb. 11:5-6 - "By faith Enoch was taken from this life, so that he did not experience death; he could not be found, because God had taken him away. For before he was taken, he was commended as one who pleased God. And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him." (having faith)
- Heb. 13:15-17 - "Through Jesus, therefore, let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise - the fruit of lips that confess his name. And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased." (sacrifice of praise: confessing His name, doing good, sharing with others)
- 1 John 3:21-23 - "Dear friends, if our hearts do not condemn us, we have confidence before God and receive from him anything we ask, because we obey his commands and do what pleases him. And this is his command: to believe in the name of his Son, Jesus Christ, and to love one another as he commanded us." (simply believing in Christ, loving one another. The result: our hearts don't condemn us, we have confidence before God)

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October 3, 2004

Gospel of John - "I Am" Statements
1) 6:35 - I am the Bread of life
2) 8:12, 9:5 - I am the Light of the world
3) 10:7,9 - I am the Gate for the sheep
4) 10:11,14 - I am the good Shepherd
5) 11:25 - I am the Resurrection and the Life
6) 14:6 - I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life
7) 15:1,5 - I am the Vine

- 4:26 - I am (the Messiah)
- 8:23, 24 - I am from above, not of this world
- 8:24, 28 - I am He
- 8:58 - I am (before Abraham was)

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August 23, 2004

Jeremiah 9: 22-23
This is what the LORD says: "Let not the wise man boast of his wisdom or the strong man boast of his strength or the rich man boast of his riches, but let him who boasts boast about this: that he understands and knows me, that I am the LORD, who exercises kindness, justice and righteousness on earth, for in these I delight," declares the LORD.

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June 29, 2004

Growing up in Christ, I see spirituality not as a responsibility but as a joyful response. Reading the Word, sharing, praying all become a joy to me, rather than a burden. Lord, let me lovingly feast on Your word and live it out in response to Your word. Let me gain discipline not just through my labor but as a joyful response!

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June 29, 2004

Oh Lord, write through me the words You want to express; may I always be a vessel through which You can speak. Let me be surrendered to You, surrendering my life to You.

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June 5, 2004

Oh Lord, be my refuge! Let me run to You - catch me as I fall into You. I will not hold any longer to things of this world, which bind my heart and bid me to stay. I'm falling into You - surrendering in Your embrace. Maybe I've been standing in Your arms looking longingly about - all I have to do is but relax my muscles, close my eyes and rest, and I'm hiding in You again! You haven't let me go; years of a wandering heart has not broken me free from You. I praise You, the God of my salvation, the forgiving, wooing Lord.  For You have wooed my heart since the day I was born; You created me with the propensity to enjoy You and placed me within a world You created to be a blessing. But with this fallen world I have wrapped my arms around the temporary, clung to closed doors and been seized by the entrapping tentacles of sin. I could not go free; but then You cast my ensnared nature upon the cross, and created a new nature within me, one once again disposed to give You worship and to cling to You alone. Once again I dance - for I am free!  New life wells within me - my hands which for so long clung to the empty pleasures of this world learn to open and receive daily provision from You! Abba, my Father. You know my needs, so here's my heart, my body and my soul. Here's my emotions, my dreams, my passions; here's all my effort and all my weakness. I rejoice to see Your hand be seen strong, to see Your heart be formed in me, to see my mind renewed in Christ, my body made a slave to You to do Your good pleasure. For Your pleasure is good and perfect!

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May 1, 2004

- Numbers 14: 44-45 ā€“ if you fight without God leading, you will get thrashed (another battle against the flesh (Amalekites))

- Numbers 17:8 ā€“ Aaronā€™s staff budded and produced almonds. Ministry/leadership will be fruitful only when appointed by the Lord. Or maybe you just have to be nutty.

- 17:10 ā€“ a sign to keep them from grumbling, for their own good. When we rebel against God, it is to our own detriment.

- 3 things in/near the ark as reminders: stone tablets, manna jar, budded staff (Law (Father), Manna (Son), Fruitful Power Symbol (Holy Spirit))

- Numbers 31: 15-16 ā€“ they kept the Midianite women, who had so greatly caused them to sin in Ch. 25. Often we keep alive what has caused us to go astray before, when we need to remove it completely.

- Numbers 31:23 ā€“ through fire (and water) things are purified. Through trials and immersion in the Spirit we are cleansed (ceased from sin, as in 2 Peter)

- Numbers 32 ā€“ Reubenites and Gadites wanted to settle in Jazer and Gilead instead of crossing the Jordan. So too many Christians find places almost in the promised land desirable, and decide to take root there. The result is them causing others to not want to go in (32:7). The rest were going in to war obediently, just as we are to be in the battle, marching as obedient soldiers as we possess what God has already promised us.

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April 3, 2004

- research bronze, silver, gold, olives in the Bible

2 Kings 25:12
God has always displayed a heart for the poor. Here we see, when most of the people are exiled to Babylon, the poor are risen up as landowners to care for the vineyards and fields. What a blessing for the poorest people of the land, and what a display of God's compassion!

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March 20, 2004

Mark 5: 1-20

Demoniac
- parable or symbol of non-Christian life
- slavery to sin (as Israel in Egypt)

-> lived in tombs (what a world we live in)
-> tried to bind with chains for his own good (symbolizing the law)
-> constantly broke free (our constant sin)
-> results in cutting himself (it's to our detriment)
-> no peace or right mind

-> "Come out"
-> begs Jesus otherwise again and again (a la Pharoah's refusal)
-> freedom -> peace

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January 21, 2004

Lord, I will still praise You
This body will still sing of Your great love
And know Your great mercy
This mind will still seek You
And stand in awe of Your simple truths
This heart will still delight like a child
In taking refuge beneath Your wings

I still hide in You like a helpless child
Feeling Your embrace dispel my fears
I still believe in You with a thirsty soul
Finding my sustenance in Your living Word

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December 30, 2003

Be manifested in me, oh Lord, in these circumstances, in this flesh. Be manifested and therefore glorified in this body.

"God does not expect us to imitate Jesus Christ; He expects us to allow the life of Jesus to be manifested in our mortal flesh.... The spiritual life of a worker is literally, God manifest in the flesh." -- Oswald Chambers, Approved Unto God


Lord, I need to keep focusing on You, and keep on fellowshiping with You intimately, rather than focusing on my spiritual life and my piety, or even what You are teaching me. Lord, keep my focus on You, that I may continue to see You as glorious, lovely, and captivating.  For all my thoughts, all my heart's desires, all my longings and dreams, can be captivated by Your presence, by even a glimpse into who You are.

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December 11, 2003

Judging

- Moses, and then the leaders, and then the king, were to judge cases for the people

- Matthew 7: 1-2, Luke 6:37: "Do not judge, or you will be judged." (first remove the plank from your own eye, then you'll see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye)

- John 5: 22, 27: "Moreover, the Father judges no one, but has entrusted all judgment to the Son", "And he has given him authority to judge because he is the Son of Man."

- John 8: 15,16: "You judge by human standards; I pass judgment on no one. But if I do judge, my decisions are right, because I am not alone. I stand with the Father, who sent me."

- Acts 10: 42: "He commanded us to preach to the people and to testify that he is the one whom God appointed as judge of the living and the dead."

- Romans 2: 1-3: "You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge the other, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things. Now we know that God's judgment against those who do such things is based on truth. So when you, a mere man, pass judgment on them and yet do the same things, do you think you will escape God's judgment?" (see Romans 2:12)

- Romans 14: 10: "You, then, why do you judge your brother? Or why do you look down on your brother? For we will all stand before God's judgment seat."

- 1 Cor. 10: 29: "For why should my freedom be judged by another's conscience?"

- 1 Cor. 5: 3: "Even though I am not physically present, I am with you in spirit. And I have already passed judgment on the one who did this, just as if I were present."

- 1 Cor. 5: 12: "What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? Are you not to judge those inside? God will judge those outside. "Expel the wicked man from among you.""

- 1 Cor. 6: 2-4: "Do you not know that the saints will judge the world? And if you are to judge the world, are you not competent to judge trivial cases? Do you not know that we will judge angels? How much more the things of this life! Therefore, if you have disputes about such matters, appoint as judges even men of little account in the church!"

- Hebrews 4: 12: For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart."

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September 18, 2003

Lord, give me conviction and passion, strength and fortitude. Give me direction, peace and trust. Let Your presence dwell within me, soaking my being. Let me die to self and be filled with You. Daily, daily I need to die to self and be filled with You. So Lord, come fill me, that I may not listen to the desires, fears and doubts of self, but that I may glory in You, rejoice in Your victory, and sing praise to You with every breath.

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September 15, 2003

Ah, Lord God. I lie here with eyes heavy with weariness, but a soul as light as a morning wind.  I love You, Lord, and I love abiding in You. I love Your word and enjoying fellowship. I love sitting at Your feet and worshipping; I love being still in Your presence, feeling Your presence wash over me. I love this life, but yet part of me yearns for the life to come, the realized glory for which I hope. You have deigned to raise us up with glory, that we may return all our glory to You. As we suffer with Christ, so we will have glory with Christ; Lord, it is this eternal, unspoiled crown that You promise, that will not perish, spoil or fade, for it is based on Your eternal Word. And yet even this crown which endures forever, and which You will give us as our Christ-righteous life receives, we will see fit to cast down before You, the Worthy One, our Redeemer, Master, and Maker.

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September 1, 2003

Oh Lord, Calmer of my heart, Soother of my mind, Restorer of my soul, Purifier of my motives, come calm, soothe, restore, and purify. Fill me with the oil of gladness; let these dry bones dance and rejoice to the tune of Your salvation. Uplift my soul; let me follow hard after You, following Your lead and in turn leading.  Let my lifestyles and all my choices be defined by godliness; let me be 'fine and faithful'.

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August 27, 2003

Your patience with me, Lord, has been with knowledge of what I would become - of how I would begin to beam Christ, to be transformed by Your resurrection power, of how I would be renewed day by day in Your strength. As I have read old writings of mine from throughout the years, I have gained perspective on where I'm at now versus where I've been. I see how the transformation process is taking place - you have used all the passions of youth to bring me onward in Christ. Many of my writings were full of passion, even in crying out with longing for passion. Now my focus is different - I know that hearing You and walking a renewed and regenerated life will lead to the passion that is fulfilling - for ultimately what I was longing for was satisfaction, knowing that my life was meaningful. I wanted to know my life was making a difference, that I wasn't missing out on opportunities. Part of the reason I longed for that is because I was missing out on opportunities.  How satisfying it is to be walking with the Lord!  It is true that God uses such longings to stir us; this seems to have been a years-long stirring. Thanks, Lord, for continuing the process of refining, of teaching me to rely of You every moment, to pray ceaselessly, to love and pursue justice and mercy.


Not only have you welcomed me back, Lord, but you have set me on my feet and caused me to run, even to move into a jog.

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August 17, 2003

1 Thessalonians 4:13 - a passage of comfort for those who mourn those who have fallen asleep (Christians who have died) - focus rather on the hope of Christ's death and resurrection, and the fact that Christ will return, and when He does, the dead will even rise first, as He calls them to Himself prior to the rapture of the church. So let us mourn with hope (not without hope like the rest of the world).  And when a brother or sister is mourning, let us mourn with them (Romans 12:15).  

Lord, teach me Your Scriptures; for I have meditated on them, I have found my delight in Your word, I have loved Your law; and while I have broken the law at times, and I have fallen, I see that my life, yeah, even my lifestyle, is being conformed more and more in line with Your word. Not any glory or credit to myself, but rather the power of God, of Christ in me, of the Holy Spirit which has been 'poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ', and to Him belongs the glory.  Not that I am without sin; but rather I forget what is behind and strive towards what is ahead, considering all a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Him, considering it pure joy when I face trials of many kinds ...
Yes, I consider it joy, and give thanks not 'for' the circumstances but 'in' the circumstances; for through trials I know I am being refined and God is glorified.  My flesh is being mortified - I am learning to count my flesh as dead, even when it seems alive again.  Like the bitter ex girlfriend I can say to my flesh , " I am so over you - you are dead to me".  and I can say to God "live through me!" and I can rejoice as I watch it happening , as I watch God rise up victorious,  riding on this donkey as the children sing "Hosanna! Blessed is He who comes in the name of the Lord! Blessed is the King of Israel!"

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July 20, 2003

We fly through these dry desert lands
Scattered houses poke pictures of promise
Of lifestyles that could be
Is there hope out in this forsaken place
Or is it really so different from the lush cities
Iā€™ve called my home?


I thank You, Lord, for healing me, and for reminding me to trust in You for health, to trust in You for peace of mind and the strength to live such that Iā€™m glorifying You.

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July 14, 2003

Last night the Lord spoke to me ā€“ words of comfort, of His presence and work in shaping me through my trials.  Vivid imagery which reminded me of a scene from ā€˜The Horse and His Boyā€™ reminded me of the comfort and guidance which the Lion of Judah provides for His people, for His children.  Lord, thanks for reminding me of Your provision; thanks for comforting me, for setting my eyes past my current situations (poison oak, stress getting work done, money and future issues) onto what really matters ā€“ Your glory and the work You are doing shaping me to proclaim that.

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June 14, 2003

Passion and purity
"The love life of a Christian is a crucial battleground. There, if nowhere else, it will be determined as to who is Lord: the world, the self and the devil, or the Lord Christ."  (p. 12)

"So long as our idea of surrender is limited to the renouncing of unlawful things, we have never grasped its true meaning: that is not worthy of the name for "no polluted thing can be offered.  The life lost on the Cross was not a sinful one ..." (p. 38 - quote of Lilias Trotter: Parables of the Cross)

"If my life is broken when given to Jesus, it is because pieces will feed a multitude, while a loaf will satisfy only a little lad." (p. 39 - quote by Ruth Stull of Peru (a chapel Speaker))

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May 13, 2003

So much hurting, so much grief
Misplaced anger and bitterness
Anger that should be at oneself for refusing
To stop and really listen

So many scars, can they even be healed
Actually they are open wounds
A scar is a wound that has been healed
See the scars in His hands and feet?

So much pain, anger, bitterness
Father, forgive them for ranting against You
For blaspheming Your name
For claiming that Jesus was merely human

Jesus, You are alive again, proving You are God
You descended to hell, preaching good news to the captives
You opened the way to freedom for all
All who would accept Your name

To be a son in the family of God
Is to be adopted into a position of standing
Knowing an inheritance is coming
And has now begun to be revealed
Claiming the name of Yahweh, forever
Not being married off to another family, another name
But forever claiming You as our God
You say ā€œonce you were not a people; now you are my peopleā€
And ā€œonce you had not received mercy; now you have received mercyā€

How great it is to be in the family of God
To be a son of God
To receive His love, His Son
Intimate fellowship
How great it is to be known by the name of the King
Yahweh, Jehovah, Lord Almighty, Lord of Hosts
The King of Kings and Lord of Lords
Compassionate and righteous
Just and merciful
Loving and holy

I am known by Your name, oh Lord
You are my God, and I am Yours
You are my Father, and I am Your son
The love You have for Jesus is the same love You now have for me
For I am in Christ and Christ in me
And we are hidden with Christ in God

It is your holiness, your righteousness,
Your mercy and love and truth
That I am known by
You have called me Your own

All praise to You, the Lamb of God
Who was slain to take away my sins
To cleanse me and make me whiter than snow
To refine my faith which endures longer than gold or silver
For it is guarded and upheld by the Father

All praise to the Spirit, perfect in holiness
Who sanctifies and makes me holy
Teaching, guiding, rebuking, directing
Interceding in prayer, equipping in power

All praise to the Father, always loving
Always giving good gifts to His children
Disciplining because You love
Chastising and refining me to reflect Your character
Taking me by the hand, leading me like a child
Giving spiritual milk and meat alike
That I may grow up in Your salvation

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April 20, 2003

I see it so often; I thought it was tame
But I come face to face with power and majesty
The ocean waves raging like I didnā€™t know they could
Perhaps Iā€™d just forgotten

I come before the Lord mighty, glorious, majestic
But do I get wet
Bask in His presence, and actually receive
Or do I just glance from afar
And continue on my way

Tonight I have gotten wet

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April 9, 2003

Lord, the sunset is so beautiful ā€“ my eyes radiant with glory, glowing with passion, I stare across the sea into foreign lands and distant places.  How lovely it is just to sit and gaze at the gentle sky awash in colors, at the waves pouring in across the rocks, the mountainā€™s sealine silhouette.  Peace washes over my soul as I cast my worries into the sea of Your love, and I am reminded of the very presence of God dwelling with me in power, waiting to wash over all my actions to reach a world that so greatly needs to see the holy God, the triune whole Being whose glory shall be proclaimed forevermore.  

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March 28, 2003

Lord, let me desire good things
Let me thirst for You
For how can You satisfy
When I desire things not of You


Lord, I go through trials
I go through pain
This is not what I planned
But yet, I will sing alleluia to my Lord

I will lift all my sorrows up to Him
I will lift all my trials up to Him
I will leave all the answers up to Him
I will sing alleluia to my Lord

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March 3, 2003

Lord, I thank you for bringing some work opportunities ā€“ I pray that You would continue to provide all that I need.  Provide opportunities in which I can work hard and glorify You by working hard; doing something I enjoy would be a side benefit.  Father, thanks for always providing, always leading, always speaking.  Iā€™m sorry Iā€™ve been so slow to hear, so slow to open my eyes and see Your lead, so slow to open my hands and receive.  Lord, let these hands write; let words of truth and passion flow forth.  Let these lips sing; let songs of Beauty spring out.  All praise to You my God, the One who is worthy.  Where else could I go?  For You have the words of eternal life.  And only You satisfy.  Jesus, I praise You, my passion and my all. Your love is like a banqueting table; I can come and eat my fill, until I am overflowing.  And then I can eat again.

ā€œI see dead people.ā€  It seems like the closer we walk with God, the more we see people the way He sees them.

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February 23, 2003

Lord, let me teach, encourage, and govern diligently (Romans 12:7-8), as I offer my body as a living sacrifice to You and am transformed by the renewing of my mind.  Lord, renew my mind, that I may know Your good, pleasing, and perfect will.  Let me hate what is evil and cling to what is good, taking actions to keep my spiritual fervor alive, taking actions to be always joyful in hope, patient in affliction, and faithful in prayer.  Lord, let me truly be faithful in prayer, crying out to You with all my thoughts and worries, bringing all my concerns before You, living a life disciplined by Your Spirit, and of spending time listening at Your feet, worshipping at Your throne, confessing my weakness and being filled with Your Strength.

I would like to make a list of all the controversial, non-salvation issues that I have wrestled with, such as Godā€™s ultimate purpose (His glory or His love for us), Christian Hedonism, what would (or will) Jesus do, being full to the overflowing with the Holy Spirit as an attainable level higher than the Christianity that many experience and struggle with (where the gospel of ā€˜Christ in youā€™ is proved true), and Christian perfection.

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January 27, 2003

Lord, here I am to cry out to You, lay myself before You and prayerfully hear from You.  I want to live my life in confidence, knowing that Your Spirit is within me and that Youā€™ve given me wisdom to bless others, and the ability to really live for You and make a difference in those You bring across my path.  I have been given all that I need to live a godly life, one that is glorifying to You and is used by You for Your purposes ā€“ the strength, knowledge, wisdom, and understanding of the Holy Spirit.  I have no understanding on my own ā€“ only what You make me understand and reveal to me.  Lord, thanks for Your mercy, by which I am still Your child, still being prepared for good works, still being sanctified by Your Spirit.

Lord, I really donā€™t want to give up this dream, but I will lay it down if You call me to, Lord.  My heart fears that maybe Iā€™m seeing it slip away off my fingertips; it is sidling towards the ledge.  Lord, will You pick it up and hand it to me in Your grace, or will it fall?  Or has it already and Iā€™m just grasping at a phantasm of what once was?

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January 16, 2003

Bring me back, Lord, to the place where I am studying Your word and meditating on it day and night ā€“ to the place where I am truly fellowshipping with You throughout the day, to where I feel in touch with You, to where I hear Your guiding voice.  ā€œI want to know Christ and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in His sufferings, becoming like Him in His death, and so, somehow, to attain resurrection from the dead.ā€ (Philippians 3:10-11)  

ā€œNot that I have already attained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.  Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it.  But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.ā€ (v. 12-14)

One thing I have taken hold of: forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead.  What is in the past is in the past; it cannot separate me from God, nor remove the Holy Spirit from my life.  I am no longer a slave to sin, but to righteousness ā€“ a slave to Christ.  The old life has been crucified within me, indeed; the life of Christ has been born within me, as He is renewing my mind day by day, in knowledge in the image of its Creator.  In Christ are all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge; He is my strength and my motivation to speak, work, and love.

ā€œNot that I have obtained all thisā€¦ā€  ā€˜All thisā€™ seems to refer to considering everything that was to Paulā€™s gain as rubbish.  Perhaps it is an ongoing struggle to surrender every part of his life, but what he does do is make the daily choice to leave the past behind and press on towards the goal, with Christ as his strength.  So Lord, today I will make the choice to ā€œcount all that is to my gain as loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Youā€, to accept that Youā€™ve forgiven me and to take hold of the life You are calling me to live as I press on heavenwards.

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January 13, 2003

The bright blue waters stretch out before me, as I gaze through our windows into the ocean scene.  The sunlight skies and cheery brightness of the day reveals a much broader horizon that what Iā€™ve been living in inside this bubble of selfish motivations and desires.

I open my eyes to the big blue skies
The seas stretched far and wide
This love that I feel so deep inside
Rejoices that my flesh has died

Yes, all within me (all that is good)
Rejoices that I am dead to my old self
That I now live to the Spirit of God
Rather than for the flesh
I am a slave to righteousness, so longer a slave to sin
Hallelujah

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Spring Quarter, 2002

The Greek word for inheritance in Colossians 1:12 is kleerou, which means something like a portion. The root of this word is klao, which means to break, and is normally used in reference to the breaking of bread.  So it's the whole idea of breaking bread at the dinner table, when a piece of bread was passed out to each person (each member of the family or fellowship).  Jesus claimed to be the bread of life, broke bread with the disciples and said, ā€˜This is my body, broken for youā€™, and then His body was broken.  What then is the inheritance of the saints?  Is it not Christ Himself?  'He has qualified us to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light'.  We are now in this kingdom of light, for He has transferred us into this kingdom from the domain of darkness; we have new citizenship in this new kingdom.  I don't know whether the inheritance is a future one, for which we are to wait patiently and with endurance as we are strengthened with His strength (v. 11) - or if it is an inheritance that we have already received (or can receive).  In that case He has indeed given Himself to us, as the bread that was broken for us, and that is our inheritance.  Even now, He has given Himself to dwell within us, and in Christ 'are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge.'  The same power that conquered the grave and raised Jesus back to life is now at work within us - giving us new spiritual life, raising us from the dead.  Lord, it's almost too good to be true, but Your word says that such power, strength, wisdom and knowledge are offered in Christ to dwell within us.  In You is all knowledge; furthur, in You is understanding, and the strength that we may live lives worthy of the Lord and may please You in every way, being strengthed according to Your glorious might.  I praise You, Lord, for Your word, and for Your strength which is at work in me - for the Son which dwells in me and the Spirit that indwells.  Oh God of all greatness and power, You offer Yourself as the inheritance of those who would lay down their arms and surrender to You - all glory to You!  To You alone be all praise and glory, power and majesty, honor and strength.  

ā€œFor He has rescued us from the dominion of darknessā€¦ā€.  The word for dominion is exousias, which can also be translated ā€˜powerā€™; but it specifically refers to jurisdiction or ā€˜delegated influenceā€™.  Isnā€™t it great that the power of darkness (Satanā€™s power) is but delegated authority, when Christ offers His own strength for us?  He doesnā€™t just say, ā€˜Here is some authority ā€“ go use it wellā€™.  It is His power being exerted in us, by Him, not by us.

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Spring Quarter, 2002

Just when I thought it could not get any better
You just pour the glory forth
Streaming through the air
Screaming with wonder of its Maker


I should act based on the interests of Amy rather than my selfish desires.
Lord, make those one and the same.

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Winter Quarter, 2002

What is the wisdom that I can take
To the next stages of my life?
What priceless pearls have I gleaned
That I can recall to mind?

The Lord is my Shepherd
All that is really meaningful is found in Him
Trusting in anything else will only lead to problems ultimately
(i.e. myself, my pride, talents, dreams and abilities, money, or other blessings)

Take it from me ā€“ one who has walked the wrong road more than once ā€“ who has taken pride in blessings, longed for more when perfection and all I could ever want is continually right before my very face to be taken hold of (in Christ).

I donā€™t want to be spiritual or good so that I can come off as being better than someone else; I want to be spiritual (and holy) so that I can lay a hold of Christ Himself.  For I have glimpsed His glory and His beauty ā€“ and though I have turned to other things for joy, what I have seen compels me on towards Him ā€“ it is indeed His love that makes me sing.

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Winter Quarter, 2002

Here I am
Waiting on my knees
If I must be patient
Then I will wait on my knees

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Winter Quarter, 2002

Oh Lord, Your grace is amazing, Your love unchanging; it has awed me once again.  I stand amazed that I stand at all, amazed that I stand wrapped in Your love, prodded on by Your Spirit.  You havenā€™t given up on me; Youā€™ve revealed Your truth to me.  Shimmering glimpses of light refract off of the waves, as the serene night scene wraps itself around me.  A world of potential unveils beauty that makes me wonder why I donā€™t see it more often.  The window of beauty has been opened; perhaps itā€™s the veil upon my heart that has been lifted, blown up by the wind of Your Holy Spirit.  You have blessed me with fellowship and plenty of opportunities to hang out with people.  As Iā€™ve led worship Iā€™ve begun to feel less ineffective; actually I know that You will use me the rest of my days.  I donā€™t want to misuse the gifts and the grace Youā€™ve given me; by Your strength, Lord, help me to use it all for You.  Inspire me again to write songs, to sing truly the praise You stir in my heart.  I have had several song fragments that Youā€™ve blessed me with lately, but I donā€™t think Iā€™ll be able to remember them. Perhaps they were but momentary blessings that should not be clung to.  Lord, if You will, bless me with a song that will endure and that will help others to truly worship You. I am willing and longing to be the pen, the voice, the hands, that You speak through.

Lord, work in Sarahā€™s heart; help her to rest in Your love, in Your goodness, in Your grace.  Let nothing - no fear, concern, sadness, or sin - come between her and You.  Overwhelm her heart with Your Spirit; comfort her with Your love.  Lord, as You smile upon her, bring her Your blessings, even if it be through trials.

I want to depend on You through all trials and situations.  Actually, the hardest thing for me has been depending on You through the easy times, for complacency and laziness has pulled me from You more than pain or other trials have.  It seems that pain and trials have caused me to cling to You, to trust more in You, to be reminded of Your call in my life and my desire to live accordingly, whereas complacency has allowed me to drift from You in subtle ways rather than obvious.  But Lord, You have kept me close to You, and You have brought me back.  Let me love with Your love, and reach out with Your strength to all You put in my path.  Let me truly be a light for You, forsaking all that I have to follow You with my whole heart.  

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Winter Quarter, 2002

Oh Lord,
My God and my King
My Savior, my delight
You have brought me back again

You have captured my heart again
Stormed me with Your love
Overwhelmed my foolish wayward desires
Drawn me to rest in You

Whom have I besides You, Lord
A lover, strength in weakness
A protector, shelter through the storms
Whom have I but You?

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Winter Quarter, 2002

Perhaps the test of religious experience is told over time ā€“ if your life reflects the experience.  If an experience is a genuine encounter with God, and if you regularly hear from God, then this will surely be reflected by a changed life, a life that over the passage of time, stands the test of time (ā€œbearing fruit in every good workā€¦ā€).

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Winter Quarter, 2002

Elijah prayed that there would be no rain ā€“ and there was no rain for several years.  James says that we ought to pray like Elijah and have a similar faith in prayer.  Elijahā€™s prayer was simply Godā€™s work, His discipline upon Israel for turning away from His commands.  Ahab had brought the worship of Baal, a god of fertility, into Israel; Godā€™s discipline was exercised through taking away the fertility of the land, that they may see that however hard they pray to Baal, he will not be able to provide.  So if we are to pray like Elijah, what we pray for must not be simply things we desire, but rather what God desires to do.  What we pray for must be determined by what God tells us to pray for (as the Spirit intercedes) and by what God desires, not just by what we desire.  I believe it is true that God will change our desires, and give us desires so that we can pursue Him and have our desires satisfied at the same time.  But this means that we must also take time to listen, that we must be willing to set aside our desires, that we must spend time soaking ourselves in His word and in prayer, that our thoughts, mindset and desires may be more like His thoughts, mindset and desires.  Lord, reveal to me what to pray for, what Your work through me will involve, that I may pray with faith, knowing that I will have what I desire, as my desires are transformed and be made anew by You.

Elijah also was fed by You throughout the drought by ravens and a brook which God revealed to him.  The all-Sustaining Provider provided for all his needs in the meanwhile, as his ministry was being prepared.  Lord, I know that You will likewise provide for all my needs.  Lord, let me respond faithfully to You, obeying Your commands and heeding Your call, not turning away to the right nor to the left, finding my strength in You.

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Winter Quarter, 2002

Lord, You donā€™t want me just to do things for you ā€“ what You really want is me.  You desire to be with me, for me to spend time with You and to find my rest in You.  You long for me to truly find peace in You.  What a wonder that You, the holy God, want this of me.  Perhaps  I could not do any ā€˜ministryā€™ for the rest of my life (in terms of the standard things I think of as ministry) but I could sit with You at Your feet  and be pleasing to You.  What You want is not just acts of service, someone who spouts truths and who stumbles through a few songs.  If You just wanted good music You would not call me to be a worship leader and singer; if You just wanted a preacher You would not call me to preach, or teach; if You just wanted a servant You would not call someone as prideful and stubborn as me to do so.  Lord, But Youā€™re calling me to Yourself, to spend time with You, to rest in You.  Help me to do so, Lord, and to keep in mind that itā€™s not about doing ministry things.  Perhaps I could even be the most effective by just living out Your gospel and letting You dwell within me, leading and refining me, strengthening, encouraging, disciplining me as I find my rest in You.  Surely this should be my focus, and not ā€˜doing thingsā€™, even things done for You  or in Your name or with good intentions.  I think I have felt ineffective partially because of this ā€“ for I have not spent much time sitting at Your feet.  I began to do so last quarter; I prayed that You might, in Your grace, fill me with the passion to dig into and study Your word, and You answered by giving me that passion and desire.  Unfortunately, I let the passion dwindle; first by the subtle time-sucking and mind-numbing drab of playing games for hours on end, then sins that distracted my mind from You.  Lord, I know Youā€™re calling me to Your feet and to my knees.  So come and meet me here, Father.  Iā€™m sorry, Lord, that I strayed and stayed away from You.

Your grace has washed me ā€“ Your blood has purified me.  I could never stand before You on my own ā€“ but You have cleansed me, and given me a righteousness apart from myself, that is of You, Jesus, the lamb that was slain, pure and without blemish.  What a wonder that Iā€™ve been cleansed, truly cleansed, and set apart for good works, for dwelling in Your presence, oh Lord, for preparing my heart as a dwelling place for You.  Lord, whatever within me is impure, lacking, and not of You, purify and fill with what is of You, Your Holy Spirit.  Lord, break down whatever walls that keep me from calling out to You wholeheartedly, anything that I hold back from You, and anything that holds me back from embracing Your forgiveness, healing, and cleansing, that prevents me from living the life of the Spirit.  Spirit, come and fill me in power; I donā€™t ask for anything except Your presence dwelling within me ā€“ in this child of God who has been made holy through the blood of Christ.  No righteousness is of me; this is so that I may rejoice in the fact that Iā€™m incapable of doing any good on my own and that I may depend on Your grace, on Your strength daily working within me, constantly healing, refining, and guiding me.  My salvation is not of me; it is of You, Lord.  To You, Father, be the glory!  To You, Jesus, be all praise; to You, Spirit, be all honor.  You alone, Lord, are worthy ā€“ You alone will receive glory forever and ever, as saints, angels and all creation will join together in bringing You glory.  If I say that You are full of Yourself and seek Your own glory, it is because nothing else is worthy; all creation will join with You in singing Your praise.


Through listening to some tapes about worship I have been cut to the heart; I have been brought to a place of tears and repentance, on my knees before You in adoration of Your holiness, of Your worthiness.  Lord, continue to teach me, refining me that I may truly be an example of You, that I may point others to a life that is purely and passionately focused upon You, the author and finisher of our faith, the only One worthy of worship, the One who died for us to reconcile us to Himself, the One who lives within us and is sanctifying us so that we may join with all creation in proclaiming His greatness forever and ever.

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Winter Quarter, 2002

Glory calls out to me from the skies
Yes, all around me glory calls out
That I may see and know that He is God
That I may taste and know His goodness

Beauty is proclaimed so boldly
The Maker of the skies created such wondrous sights
That delights my eyes
Acts as a balm to my soul

Lord, as I sit and bask in Your beauty
May I bask in Your presence, too
May I sit with You
May my spirit within me cry out with all creation
To bring You praise, to proclaim Your glory

Oh, to look upon such wondrous sights
Made by the hand of our King
Oh, to dwell in beauty Himself
In love that gives my heart reason to sing
Sing a song that wells up within me
And that I cannot contain

Glory calls out in the oceanā€™s roar
In the wonders of the sea stirring before me
Yea, all around me I see Your glory

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Winter Quarter, 2002

To be faithful to what Youā€™ve called me to will involve confessing sins to others, being open and vulnerable so that I may live a life of integrity, where my inner life is reflected in the outer.  It is then that I am walking in the light, able to receive His full healing, and humbled by my own sinful state.  It is then that others can be encouraged in the areas they struggle in, that they may give everything over to the Lord and likewise live an integrated life.  It is then that God gets the glory for being a God of grace, who delights to take someone so pitiful as me and to transform me into a vessel of His love, pure and holy, without blemish and free from accusation.

Lord, to You be the glory
Through my own weakness shines Your strength
Without You I would remain as I am
You love me as I am, but too much to leave me that way.

Lord, to You be the glory
For all that I do that is pure
And for all the forgiveness Iā€™ve necessitated

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Winter Quarter, 2002

ā€œThis being the state of man (sinful), if God should send him a Redeemer, what must that Redeemer do for him?  Will it be sufficient for him to be the promulger of a new law, to give us a set of excellent precepts?  No: if we could keep them, that alone would not make us happy.  A good conscience brings a man the happiness of being consistent with himself, but not that of being raised above himself into God, which every person will find, after all, is the thing he wants.ā€  (Charles Wesley, ā€˜On the Holy Spiritā€™)

More than being able to follow the rules of holy life, and more than being exempt from punishment and seen as righteous, God himself can live in us ā€“ we can be drawn up into Him, as the Holy Spirit (God Himself) dwells within us.  So the gospel is more than just living a life and doing good deeds; and itā€™s even more than just having our sins atoned for and being forgiven, made right with God.  Both these things are accomplished through God Himself dwelling within us, which is possible just because of the sacrifice of Christ and the continual work of the Holy Spirit allowing us to walk in Him.



I hope that everybody that comes to this house will not leave without saying, ā€˜Wow, look at Godā€™s glory proclaimed through the view from hereā€™.  Perhaps in the same way thatā€™s how we as Christians should be.  We should be a window through which people cannot help but see the glory of God ā€“ a place where they can come and see the love of God manifested within us - His truths, His compassion, and His life ever on our tongues and shown through our actions.

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December, 2002

Tonight I rose up with the moon
Longing for life
Tonight I sang of whatā€™s gone past
Recalling passion
Tonight I dreamed of what could be
Grasping straws
Tonight I longed for I know not what
Hoping for love


I cannot explain the ways
My heart tracks within me
I know I feel, I could give a guess
How Iā€™ve gone from fellowship

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November, 2002

Oh Lord, I have been able to draw near and see Your heart for Your people ā€“ the heart of a Father that is grieved as His children turn away and sin, that is grieved at the suffering that they go through.  Lord, you have drawn me to pray, to lift up my heart before You and to lay all my desires at Your feet.  Lord, I know that You will bring me the patience to wait for Sarah and for our friendship to grow in Your timing; I know that You will bring opportunities to share Your gospel with people and to love people.  I pray, Father, that You would draw me to continually me in a state of prayer, that I may see more of Your heart.  Thanks for what You have revealed to me!  But let my life be true, and glorifying to You.

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November, 2002

Lord, if you are indeed calling me to preach and teach, then let truth be in my heart and on my mind; let my thoughts be pure; let my heart be yearning for You alone; let me speak Your truth boldly and with passion, not straying to falsehood but kept to truth by Your Holy Spirit.

Lord, what am I to do for money now?  It seems like I will need a job to provide for my necessities (and debts) ā€“ if so then show me what to do and where to go for that.  If not then provide the resources out of Your abundant provision, and bring opportunity to dive into ministry and to learn more about You.  Lord, I am willing to work with my hands, to not be idle, but to work hard for Your glory, that I may do what You call me to ā€“ show me where to go, Lord.  Let me not be in this state of idleness for too long.  Bring me out, prepared to do Your will.  Lord, itā€™s the best thing I can do to spend time at Your feet, to fall in love with You, to pore over Your word, to pray fervently and persistently ā€“ even ceaselessly.  Lord, be my cry in the morning, my praise in the evening ā€“ my prayer all the day long.  Lord, You are my Refuge and my Strength ā€“ to You will I run when I am idle and when I am overwhelmed.  You are the Lamb of God who was slain for me, to cleanse Your people to be presented spotless before You; to You be the glory!  Oh Lord, hear my cry, and grant me the wisdom to see the direction You are taking me and to take steps of obedience.  Let me not just have knowledge that is unapplied, or just wisdom ā€“ but grant me the strength to obey and to make the right choices.  Let me find meaning in everything, and let You be my joy through everything.

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November, 2002

Lord, Iā€™m falling apart without You
Iā€™m empty without Your love
Let me walk in Your love again
Loving every opportunity you bring my way

Bring me out of this place of being alone
Fling me to where You want me

Lord, though Iā€™m alone Iā€™m not lonely
But let me do Your ministry

Let me walk in You, soaking myself in prayer
Basking in Your word, overflowing to the world

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October, 2002

Lord, let me be for the praise of Your glory!  Let my life ā€“ all my thoughts, all my words, all my actions ā€“ be for You and of You.  You are my all in all, my all sufficient Provider; I rest under the shadow of Your wings (as the ark rested under the wings of the cherubim in Solomonā€™s temple).  You are all that I need ā€“ and I rejoice in that!  You have satisfied me!  I do not have to always have a ā€˜lust for moreā€™, never satisfied ā€“ for in You I have drunk the draught to ease my soul forever.  You are my satisfaction, the object of my deepest longing, my passion, my love; my whole life is for You.  Keep me in this purity, in this place of knowing Your word and Your voice, of walking faithfully, obeying Your commands and trusting in You.  Keep me in this place of growing in knowledge of Your word (and of You), of being blown away by Your Spiritā€™s working time and again, and knowing Your work is being done, of trust, of faith.  Your strength is what I trust in for my salvation, my sanctification, and my service ā€“ let Your strength be manifested in me, as I renew myself in You day by day.

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October, 2002

Lord, let Your people be found in You ā€“ resting in You, believing in You, walking in You, expecting great things from You.  Lord, let us be transformed in our weakness, in our weak-minded doubt ā€“ let us cry out to You with whole hearted and trusting surrender.  Strip away whatever desires, stubbornness, or pride that may keep us from doing this.  Lord, use me to rebuild Your church, to point people to renewed walks with Your Spirit, to expect great things from You; however this vessel can be filled and emptied for Your glory, may it be so.  If I think about the task, it seems too great for me ā€“ even small things find me weak and doubting.  But it is Your strength, after all, which can do these things; Your strength which has enabled me to have the faith to allow You to dwell in me and sanctify me, Your strength which has allowed me to walk and grow in knowledge of You, pleasing You, and bearing fruit.  

Refine my doctrine Father, that I might not lead Your people astray with a ā€˜wind of teachingā€™, but that I may teach Your truth in love and take part in Your work of building the church to unity in ā€˜attaining to the whole measure of Christā€™.  Let me, in all things, grow up into Him who is the Head (Christ).  Lord, let us together grow up into Christ, that Christ may fill the church and be proclaimed completely and truly through us.  Lord, let me do my part, the work You call me to ā€˜through the working of Your powerā€™, to build the body up in love.  ā€˜We proclaim Him, admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom, that we may present everyone perfect in Christ.  To this end I labor, struggling with all His energy, which so powerfully works in me.ā€™  Paulā€™s main end here (of his ministry) was building the church up in the unity of knowing Christ.

The point of the church, ultimately, is to get out of the way ā€“ so that Christ may be seen.  When the different components of the body of Christ become perfect (reflecting unique parts of the glory of God), they are not perfect so that the world may see the individual parts.  They are perfect (presented as perfect) because what is seen is not the church, but Christ!  Lord, let Christ be seen through Your church; may Your will in this be done.  Jesus, be glorified as we strive to get out of the way of let You be manifested through us.

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October, 2002

Lord, can I write the truths youā€™ve pressed upon my heart, that have come as Iā€™ve rested in Your presence, rejoiced in Your word, and worshipped at Your feet?  Shall I tell of the unsearchable riches of Christ, the incomparable power of God for those that believe (the same power that rose Christ from the dead and raised Him to heavenly places), the love of Christ (high, wide, deep, and long) that surpasses all knowledge (spoken of in Ephesians)? Shall I tell of Christ dwelling in me richly, of being filled to the measure of all the fullness of God, the church being the fullness of Him who fills everything ā€“ and how these things are only made possible because of Your strength, out of Your glorious riches, lavished upon us?  Shall I tell of the grace bestowed upon Paul, calling he about whom there was nothing special to the extra-ordinary task of preaching the ā€˜unsearchable riches of Christā€™?  Or his prayer that we may know that ā€˜love that surpasses understandingā€™?  How can it be, Lord, that such wondrous things are promised to us and actualized and accomplished in us?  The question is not whether we deserve it; it is so obvious that we donā€™t and never could.  The amazing thing is that itā€™s impossible ā€“ we are not capable.  I, especially, am not capable ā€“ but that does not hinder Your work from being done.  If You indeed call me to preach the unsearchable riches of Christ, to make known the administration of this mystery, then I will do so, Lord, not because I can, but because You can.  I will wait expectantly for You to rise up and work wonders through me.  Even Christ being able to dwell in me is only possible because of how Youā€™ve strengthened me in my inner being to have faith.  You have cleansed and equipped me ā€“ Lord, show me what ministry You are calling me to.  Here I am to listen, Lord, with all my life.  I will expect You to do great and awesome things through me (and in me) ā€“ and this only because of Your faithfulness.  I know that the Bible is full of You taking ordinary people and using them for extra-ordinary purposes ā€“ transforming the lowly to be vessels and examples of Your truth.  I will be the same ā€“ a clumsy, stuttering, useless vessel that is used to serve the King and reach the world.  Thanks, Lord, for this amazing truth, and Your heart to take those who cannot give anything good to You, and to flow Yourself through them to accomplish Your purposes, oh Loving God of mercy and power, justice and truth.

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September, 2002

I feel like this has been a season of my life of preparation and rest.  The last several months I have been emotionally dry for awhile ā€“ I have stepped out of the customs and habits Iā€™ve built up in terms of my lifestyle and ministry over my college years.  Maybe Iā€™m coming out of this season changed, with a more mature outlook on worship and walking obedient to the Spirit.  Just as Paul went to Arabia for five years before his ministry and Jesus went into the wilderness for forty days before He dove in to His ministry, perhaps this has been a time of preparation in my life.  I have had much time to rest, and to read Scripture, to read and to meditate on the truths Iā€™ve learned.  I feel like in some ways I am no longer on the front lines of ministry, but merely sending supplies to those who are.  I know that God wonā€™t call me to be in this state, this season of my life, for too long ā€“ anything that suggests this cannot be of Him.  For this could be an excuse to not be involved in ministry.  Surely there are chances to minister to people have I have had and do have, some of which I have taken and some of which I have passed up.  And I know this time of preparation should not be an excuse to be lazy, and especially not to sin.  But I think that God has changed my motivation for purity to a more base level of dependence on Him and love for Him, rather than just because of the ministry Iā€™d like to do effectively or the benefits Iā€™d like to reap as a result.  Lord, I know You are refining my heart, training my mind, softening and molding my will.  There have been times where You needed to un-form me (and break me) before You could form me up again in Your image.  Perhaps habits of mind and intellectual pride have been the casualties of this process.  Lord, give me a pure heart, that I may love others with my mind, and use Your knowledge for the edification of Your people and the speaking of Your relevant truths.  Lord, come and meet me ā€“ I am waiting on my knees for the ministry You have for me.  I realize that by calling this a time of preparation, I am assuming that what comes after this will be ministry that will be challenging, and that will be different than my expectations, and surely out of my comfort zone at times.  But let my comfort and strength be in You, my Rock and my Refuge, my Strength and my Song!


Whenever I get afraid and begin to worry about doing my part, I need to drop to my knees and pray this to You.  When a tinge of doubt or weakness encroaches upon my mind, or if I am flooded and engulfed by lack of confidence and by ineptness, I need to sing this to You.

My Rock and my Refuge,
My Strength and my Song

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July, 2002

What has happened in my life, Lord?  I did not expect to be here.  Actually I had hoped to be in far better circumstances at this point.  But Lord, even now, if I seek You and humble myself before You, daily emptying myself of me and filing myself with You, then You can still do great things in and through my life.  For a while, going through college, my life changed so dramatically that I could hardly believe where Youā€™d brought me.  But now it seems my growth has leveled off, and the great things I foresaw You doing in my life may have been but idle and proud dreams.  But, the first six months after I graduated were a time of tremendous growth for me in a lot of areas.  These last few months have been not as good.  For Iā€™ve been working full time for the last two months, and although itā€™s been good living at the Kentucky house for the summer, I have spiritually gone downhill, or at least leveled off.  I have not been involved in leadership or ministry anywhere specifically; this has been a problem for me.  I loved when I was leading bible studies, leading worship at small groups and large groups, and always seeking to encourage my brothers and sisters in the Lord.  I loved the growth that God did in my life through that.  But, what now?  I have phased myself out of PCF because I am graduated; I have not replaced all of those friendships and ministry opportunities with after-college ones.  Lord, is this because there hasnā€™t been great opportunities, or because Iā€™ve missed them, or because they would take a lot of pursuing to get them?  And perhaps Iā€™ve been away from the heart of God so that Iā€™m not hearing well enough to know where to pursue opportunities.  Lord, challenge me, I pray.  Bring me the opportunities to lead people in worship, to lead a bible study, to share with and love those who donā€™t know You, to encourage boldly and pray for those who do.  Shake me out of my apathetic state.  Father, I plea to You for You to lift me from this miry pit of despondency, that people may see my changed perspective, the new song that You put in my mouth, and Your love.

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July, 2002

Lord make us an instrument of thy peace
Where there is hatred, let us sow love
Where there is injury, pardon
Where there is doubt, faith
Where there is despair, hope
Where there is darkness, light
Where there is sadness, joy

O divine Master, grant that we may not so much seek
To be consoled as to console,
To be understood as to understand
To be loved as to love
For it is in giving that we receive
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned
It is in dying to self that we are born to eternal life!
--- The Prayer of Saint Francis

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Fall Quarter, 2001

ā€œFor in Christ all the fullness of the Deity lives in bodily formā€.  -- Col. 2:9
Christā€™s divinity!               (John 1:1, 1:14, 8:58)

ā€œAnd you have been given fullness in Christā€¦ā€ ā€“ Col 2:10

ā€œI pray that out of His glorious riches He may strengthen You with power through His Spirit in Your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith.  And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge - that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.ā€  -- Ephesians 3:16-19
The mystery of the gospel!   (Christ in you, the hope of glory)

ā€œJesus answered and said to him, ā€˜If anyone loves Me, he will keep My word; and My Father will love him, and We will come to him, and make Our abode with him.ā€™ā€ ā€“ John 14:23

ā€œYou, however, are controlled not by the sinful nature but by the Spirit, if the Spirit of God lives in you. And if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he does not belong to Christ.  But if Christ is in you, your body is dead because of sin, yet your spirit is alive because of righteousness.  And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit, who lives in you.ā€ -- Romans 8:9-11


John 17:26

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Fall Quarter, 2001

Perhaps the constant roar of the ocean is like Godā€™s voice or His presence.  When I first come, I hear the waves loudly and enjoy them.  But after a while, I sometimes become used to it, almost numb to the sound.  It is still there, but I donā€™t notice it.  Is it my job to constantly remind myself of itā€™s beauty and reality?  Or perhaps having others come over to enjoy it is sharing that voice, that presence, with them.

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Coming Back
Fall Quarter, 2001

(drop D tuning)

                    D2                         A7sus4
This was a long time coming
                 D2                         A7sus4
I spent a long time running
               G                       D2
Now it seems my time is up
         G                      A7sus4
Of running from Your love

I didnā€™t mean to run so far
Or forget the blood-stained scars
Seems discipline has brought me home
Back into Your arms of love

Chorus:
                G                     D2
Now Iā€™m coming back to You
           G                         D2
To the life You have provided
                          G                        D2
Where Youā€™re waiting there to strengthen me
                 Em             A7sus4
With Your holiness my guide

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Fall Quarter, 2001

Itā€™s not every day that I look outside my window and see a three legged dog trotting down the beach.

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Fall Quarter, 2001

The light sea breeze a zephyr to my soul
The crashing of the waves, music to my ears
The sea cast before me in splendor, a sight for sore eyes
That have seen too much of this world, and not enough of You
My heart criesā€¦

Holy, holy is the Lamb, who was slain for me
Holy, holy is the Lord, who created earth and sea
Holy, holy is the One, who dwells within me
Holy, holy is the One, who has stirred this heart to sing again

A glimpse of You, my Lord, leaves a streak of glory in my eyes
A touch from You, my God, leaves a piece of laughter in my heart

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Fall Quarter, 2001

Lord, wash over me again; restore me to Your side.  Lift my head up, transfix my gaze, transfigure me with Your righteousness.  

Lord, through Your word, You challenge, cheer and change us.  You convict, cleanse, and ultimately correct us.  You have revealed Yourself through nature and through Your word; You have spoken through these things into our hearts.  Jesus, You are the revelation of God, the word that communicates and articulates the Father ā€“ ā€œthe image of the invisible God.ā€  (Colossians 1:16)

Lord, Youā€™ve drawn me to pray; how long has it been since Iā€™ve truly prayed?  Lord Jesus, I want to lift my brothers and sisters up to You; I want to listen to know Your will regarding them, that I may know how to encourage them.  I want to pray for those who are not yet in You, but whom You will call to Yourself in Your time; help me to listen, that I may know how, what, and when to share.  Lead me, Holy Spirit, in Your righteousness, that I may speak of Your gospel and sing of Your love.  Here I am to serve You, to be a holy vessel of Your grace.  Shed Your grace and Your strength upon me; You have shown grace to me, and my past failings can but be a testimony of this grace.  Lord, the present and the future I dedicate to You.  Come and fill me up, Lord, and use me; help me to truly enjoy You and thus to glorify You.  But help me to serve selflessly, so that whether it benefits me directly or not, I am willing to serve and be used by You.

Your Word, Lord, has lightened my heart, restored my focus, and given me joy.  Your word has transformed my disconsolate mind and given me a glimpse of purpose ā€“ Your purpose for me.  What is truly fulfilling is found in You ā€“ I know that.  My heart is restless until it finds rest in Thee ā€“ I know that.  Help me, Lord, to live accordingly.  Help me to live according to Your promises, according to Your Spirit which dwells within me.  For I have died to sin, and I have life in the Spirit.  Help this truth to sink even deeper into me, Lord.


These people that have walked down the beach past my window have got it all wrong.  Some of them come by looking at the houses on their right, admiring the works of man.  But to their left, the very creation calls out with the glowing embers of a sunset, the waves crashing on the rocks, radiant with reflected glory.  They look at manā€™s achievements, how lucky some people seem to be, instead of saying, ā€˜Wow, look at what God has done.ā€™  How true that probably often is in my life.  Lord, open my eyes to Your wonders, to Your great work and Your eternal purpose.


I long for many things to work out in this life.  I long for the peace of knowing I have security in a job; I long for the satisfaction of having worked well and hard, of having completed college.  I long for a girl to share the rest of my life with.  I long for a lifestyle which leads You, my Lord, to let me know that Iā€™m being used by You, that my life is being poured out for You.

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Fall Quarter, 2001

ā€œFaith untried may be true faith, but it is sure to be little faith, and it is likely to remain dwarfish so long as it is without trials. Faith never prospers so well as when all things are against her: tempests are her trainers, and lightnings are her illuminators.ā€  (Charles Spurgeon, Morning & Evening, 11/12)

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Fall Quarter, 2001

Oh Lord, I want to live a righteous life, set apart for You.  I am here to do that, to find Your grace time and again and to seek Your face.  I have in many ways kept Your laws; for this I give You thanks and praise.  Continue to strengthen me and lead me in righteousness, to point out things in me I need to work on, to teach me how I can serve You and love You, hw I can serve others and love them.  I have found healing through confession to others; I want to share how You have healed me, and how You heal the broken hearted, the bind, the lame, and the guilt ridden.  Father, use me to proclaim Your gospel!


Because I have sin, Jesus, the righteous One, speaks to the Father in my defense (1 John 2:1).  As I confess my sins and walk in the light, I will therefore find forgiveness and be purified by the blood of Jesus.  But the forgiveness and walking in the light of that are one; they cannot be separated.  If I am to be healed, if I am to become righteous, I must walk in obedience.  Itā€™s that simple.  I must obey, take steps of faith, confess to You and to others, and live for You.  I must put my past behind me and strive towards You, but not so far behind me that I cease to ever mention that I am sinful by nature and that You have forgiven me.  Perhaps I need to speak about how Iā€™ve sinned in the past that others may know of Your forgiveness.  I cannot be righteous on my own; I am wretched and full of sin on my own.  All kinds of lusts, prideful, bitter and jealous thoughts have been my own.  I cannot come before God as I am without the One who speaks to the Father in my defense ā€“ the mediator ā€“ Jesus, the Lamb of God, who was slain to take away the sins of the world (John 1:29).  

Jesus, You are good; You are teaching me.  You have met me tonight but not in the ways I expected.  I cannot fit any clichĆ© metaphors to exactly describe my experience with You or what Youā€™re teaching me.  It goes beyond all that.  Thanks for that, Lord.  Your love will wash over me with the surety of the oceanā€™s waves, and You will purify me.  As I stood wondering if the surf would actually come and overwhelm me, I realized that it will eventually come up; in time, itā€™s virtually sure to happen, for it has countless million times before.  Lord, You are even more dependable still; You will wash over me.

I can watch You from afar as long as I want, but until I really draw near to You, step up close to the waves of Your grace, it wonā€™t be as real to me as it could be.  I have spent countless hours in this house by the sea, and so often I hardly even take joy in the beauty around me.  Not until I walked down to the shore and gazed face to face into the gaping maw of the ocean, in all its might, did the sense of awe and wonder return.  This is very true about God, too; we can know Heā€™s working, agree that He must be lovely and full of power But when we truly draw near to Him, cleansed in the blood of Christ, what a wonder it is to truly stand face to face before Him, to be reminded afresh of His power and grace.  What is Your atonement in my life?  What a wonder it is!  That I can stand before You, forgiven and with the strength to walk on in purity, astounds me.  What an awesome gift of grace.  I happened to spy the telescope in our living room, perched on a coffee table, pointed gracefully towards the sky.  Isnā€™t that how I should be?  Looking up expectantly to You my God, lifting my hands up, waiting to receive from You, to be fed and led by You.  I should be on my knees time and again, daily awaiting a fresh dose of Your Spirit, a fresh realization of Your love and Spirit in me and a reminder of the new life You have for me.  Lord, draw me to You each day, disciplined in seeking You, as You reward me with Your Spirit time and again, as You welcome me back and forgive me for all that I do.  

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Fall Quarter, 2001

Lord, I have been tired and weary, both physically and spiritually.  But I know You are calling me on to more intimate, honest fellowship with other believers committed to and passionate about You.  Father, use this time to renew me, to breathe life into me anew, to refresh my passion, awaken my soul to praise, stir my mind and my body to a fresh pursuit of You and Your purity.  

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Fall Quarter, 2001

What love can endure
Unfaithfulness
Love never asks for more
More than I can give

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Fall Quarter, 2001

Through the heartache,
Your beauty remains the same
The ocean is a place I can take solace
Or rather, something that draws me to take solace in You

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Fall Quarter, 2001

What a scene that I see before me.  What amazing power, depth and beauty.  What awesome majesty, what serenity.  The calm of the constant crashing of the waves acts as a soothing balm for my heartā€™s troubles; the froth serves to pique my visual senses, standing out as a bright and intricate contrast to the rich hues of the rest of the sea, the sky, the clouds alit with majesty.  The sun is so bright as it comes pouring across the scene towards my window, streaking across the oceanā€™s glimmering waves.  The most majestic shades of oranges and violets, greens and blues parade themselves before my eyes, delighting my senses as with the richest of foods.  I almost have to shield my eyes from the glory before me ā€“ so bright is it.  Who am I compared to the Maker of such glory?  Who am I in this vast land, that has boasted many adventurers, heroes and conquerors ā€“ those who have braved the seas and the mountains, plumbed the mysteries of logic and faith with minds much brighter than my own.  But still You leave them all speechless before Your glory.  The greatest of the great on this earth, the wisest of the wise, tremble at even the shadow of Your presence.  None can stand before You; all would either want to fall to their knees in holy fear or flee in terror.  But the wonder is that You, this powerful creator God, took on flesh Yourself and became human, in the person of Jesus.  You walked these dusty roads and the glistening sea, though You created even the birds that swoop across the waves. You lived among us ā€“ You ā€˜moved into our neighborhood.ā€™  You cast aside Your glory and power, and submitted Yourself into the hands of men ā€“ to be beaten, cruelly nailed to the cross, to be mocked, spit upon and jeered at.  You surrendered Yourself even to death, so that I may sit here in Your grace, washed clean by Your blood, and enjoy this sunset, to enjoy the ocean and this new life Youā€™ve given me, to enjoy Your love rather than feel Your wrath.  You paid the price that was needed; there is nothing I could ever do to add to this, for Your work of redemption was completed at Calvary.  It is not lacking; though I must open my hands and receive Your grace, it is not a work of my own; nay, this salvation is just of You, that none may boast, that all alike may come into Your presence, that all alike may receive Your grace and know the life that You have to offer.  No glory can be to me for receiving this gift; isnā€™t glory really due only to the Giver of such an amazing gift?  

Regardless of how much I think Iā€™ve screwed things up, You are still Lord; You are still in control, still faithful to Your promises.  Your love endures forever!  It never fades or changes; Your work will still be done.  Your purpose is much beyond me, so much bigger; I will join in song with all the saints, praising You our God, singing the song of grace, of a God who loved enough to give His life for us.  The song of the Lamb, pure without blemish, that was slain, but is now alive again, glorified above all creation!  Let us exalt Him with our praises and thanksgiving; let us come before His throne and bow down before the King of Kings, who has come to reign is power and goodness, in love and mercy, forevermore!

You sustain me day in and day out; You provide all that Iā€™ve ever needed or ever will need.  I donā€™t want to doubt; I will have faith and trust in You, then!  For You are my Lord and God, my Savior and Redeemer!  You are my Shepherd.  You are good beyond measure.  Youā€™ve already answered my prayers to inspire me to write.  Continue to do so as much as You will, Father.  I cry out in thankfulness, with a heart of gratitude.  Iā€™m humbled by Your love.  You know who I am , You know everything about me, but yet You still love me and choose to set Your hope in me, to fill me with Your life, with Your Spirit for the work of sanctification, that I may live in obedience and bring glory to You my Father.

Try to enjoy nature as You may, and eventually the feeling will go away; but seek the Lord and spend time praying there, and you will find yourself enjoying it immensely.  (roughly a C.S. Lewis concept, in The Four Loves)

How many times have I turned away?  The number is the same as the sand on the shore.  But as I look down at the beach, I see there is no sand right now; the tide is high  and there is no beach.  But ā€“ the sand is still there, whether I see it or not. Maybe I ignore it or cover it with other things.  But, in the ocean of Your forgiveness, of Your love and mercy, the tide is eternally coming in.  For it covers up the sand (the many times Iā€™ve turned away), it sweeps them away into itā€™s infinity.  Thanks for this reminder, Lord.  I have a new life; my sins are forgotten and Youā€™ve given me a clean slate to try again.  Lord, may I rely on Your strength this time.  Oh, what a wonder to know that my sins are forgiven, that Iā€™ve been set free of the guilt and the shame - free to live in Your joy!  Free from the need to or even the desire to sin; free to enjoy Your mercy instead of Your wrath.  What a freedom!  And Youā€™ve set Your Holy Spirit inside of me as a seal, to sanctify me and make me pure and holy.

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Fall Quarter, 2001

'If ye be led of the Spirit, ye are not under the law.'ā€”Galatians 5:18

ā€œWe who looks at his own character and position from a legal point of view, will not only despair when he comes to the end of his reckoning, but if he be a wise man he will despair at the beginning; for if we are to be judged on the footing of the law, there shall no flesh living be justified. How blessed to know that we dwell in the domains of grace and not of law! When thinking of my state before God the question is not, 'Am I perfect in myself before the law?' but, 'Am I perfect in Christ Jesus?' That is a very different matter. We need not enquire, 'Am I without sin naturally?' but, 'Have I been washed in the fountain opened for sin and for uncleanness?' It is not 'Am I in myself well pleasing to God?' but it is 'Am I accepted in the Beloved?' The Christian views his evidences from the top of Sinai, and grows alarmed concerning his salvation; it were better far if he read his title by the light of Calvary. 'Why,' saith he, 'my faith has unbelief in it, it is not able to save me.' Suppose he had considered the object of his faith instead of his faith, then he would have said, 'There is no failure in Him, and therefore I am safe.' He sighs over his hope: 'Ah! my hope is marred and dimmed by an anxious carefulness about present things; how can I be accepted?' Had he regarded the ground of his hope, he would have seen that the promise of God standeth sure, and that whatever our doubts may be, the oath and promise never fail. Ah! believer, it is safer always for you to be led of the Spirit into gospel liberty than to wear legal fetters. Judge yourself at what Christ is rather than at what you are. Satan will try to mar your peace by reminding you of your sinfulness and imperfections: you can only meet his accusations by faithfully adhering to the gospel and refusing to wear the yoke of bondage.ā€

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Summer Quarter, 2001

Who will it be that will inspire songs
That will bring the song right out of me

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Summer Quarter, 2001

Sitting before the ocean view
Feeling the sea breeze
Seeing the vivid waves, the reaches of the sea,
I feel so alive!

Whatever has been weighing me down
Has, for the moment, been lifted
Off of my shoulders, off of my mind
Lord, You are good, and wonderful
Youā€™ve given me life, and though all may not go as Iā€™d like
You have far better plans for me
Yeah, you plan to meet me, reveal yourself to me
What else is better?
What can you not overcome?
What fear or doubt or worry can you not overwhelm?
What insecurity, what plan or wish of mine
Cannot be replaced by one far better,
More rewarding and longer-lasting?
No greater joy can be found
Than whatā€™s found in You, than what You promise
Lord, I stand amazed

Father, this is so beautiful
Words canā€™t describe
How can I even begin to tell of the wonders I see before me
Is it even worth trying
You are beautiful beyond words, beyond measure

Iā€™ve been allowed to dwell in this place for a while
Can I dwell in Your presence too?
Can I find the place where Your glory dwells?
Can I approach Your throne with confidence
And lift up my praise unto Thee?
Can I cry out with songs of gratitude
And praise Your holy Name?
Here I am to worship, Lord
Here I am to bow down at Your feet,
To say that You are altogether lovely,
Altogether worthy, altogether wonderful
The creator of the universe
The lifter of my head
My sustainer, my shepherd
The answer to all my questions and longings
Lord, itā€™s all found in you and only in You
I acknowledge that, and I want to bring You
The praise and glory that You deserve

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Summer Quarter, 2001

Father, I am so clueless; I am Your child but I do not know what is going on. I guess I am learning to trust in You ā€“ I know my faith will grow, that I will grow into a pure child of You the King.  But Lord, so many things cloud my mind; they set my heart alight with fear rather than praise.  Uncertainties, jealousies, and hurts I didnā€™t know existed encroach upon me.  Ultimately (on my own) I would be overwhelmed, consumed by my own sinfulness and the corruptness of my own sinful nature; I would be left unfulfilled, longing and wanting something more.  But I know that in You is peace; in You is new life, refreshment and joy always.  In You is my heartā€™s true desire, fulfillment and satisfaction for my soul.  In You is truth to satisfy my mind, love to satisfy my heart and Your Holy Spirit to satisfy my soul.  In fact, all that I need is found in You.  Then why havenā€™t I been seeking You for it?  Lord, I come to You and ask that You would take this calloused heart of mine, and change me, refine me, renew me.  Come and fill me, and change my heart and mind, change my desires and dreams, so that they are pure and of You.  Whatever is in me, whether in word or action, or in thought, mindset or dream, that is not glorifying to You, remove it.  Lord, I cry out for You to refine me.  I know this refining process is underway and will be finished by Your sure hand; the price has already been paid by Your finished work on the cross.  But I see so much sinfulness in my mind, so much hurt and bitter potential that does not befit a child of the King.  Lord, make me Yours, that people may look at me and know that Iā€™m Your child, that I belong to You, that by Your grace Your holiness has been made evident.  Yes Lord, I cry out for holiness as You are holy; may Your perfect holiness come upon me.  Through the blood of Jesus I can be cleansed; by the name of Jesus I can come confidently before You and ask for the Holy Spirit, who is the answer to all that I need and all that I could ever want.  Itā€™s all You, Lord, working for Your glory.  May I become less and You more as I open my eyes and begin to see more of You, as I stretch out my hand and allow You to fill my hand with more of Your holiness.  Flow through me like a river coursing through my veins.  Burn within me with unquenchable fire, with a strong passion for You that causes me to continually cry out for Your Spirit and the holiness that Iā€™ve been offered.  May I take hold of all that You so graciously offer.

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Summer Quarter, 2001

Whenever you pause to consider the sea
To see all that you can see
Remember the Makerā€™s glory
Is far greater than that of this sea

The splendors you see are a picture of peace
A gift from our God to you and to me
Always bring to mind the fact that through beauty
Heā€™s crying out ā€˜come, and be with Meā€™



I want to mourn but Your joy overwhelms me
I want to mope but Your hope overcomes me
I want to ponder my mistakes, to eat myself up with regret
But You call me onward

You call me to new life
You prompt me forward
In Your love You will not let me just be sad
Who can be sad when touched by the Healer?

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Summer Quarter, 2001

I want to write a sad love song
To pour my woes into a song
But I cannot
Youā€™ve instilled my heart with a sense of peace I cannot explain otherwise
How can I grieve when the very creation cries out to me of Your glory?
The sky shouts to me of His majesty
The sea cries of His glory
The waves proclaim His power, His greatness

I have eyes to see
How thankful should I be
For Youā€™ve allowed me to feast my eyes upon Your creation
Upon beauties which would have inspired poets throughout the ages
Lord, Youā€™ve drawn me to feast upon Your goodness
Upon Your unending love
Here I am to receive, to enjoy You Lord

When I needed peace
And would rather have sulked
I found You and You stirred my heart to praise
Filled my heart with joy

When I wanted something to fill this longing, this pain inside of me
When I needed hope, when I needed grace
I found You there, Lord,
With open arms and a face shining with greatness
A table set before me
My place made ready

Lord, why have I not been falling down before You in worship?
Not that Iā€™m trying to make up for lost time
But Lord, here I am, my whole life, nothing held back
Make it so, Lord

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Summer Quarter, 2001

Praise the Lord, oh my soul!
Proclaim to him His greatness;
Proclaim to the nations His love;
Proclaim Him the Lord of my life.
Sing to Him, that others may hear and be strengthened or encouraged or blessed or brought to worship or exposed to Your gospel of grace.

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Summer Quarter, 2001

I sit aloof, I sit with You
I sit outcast, I sit welcomed by You
The shining sea shining before me
The breeze breezing past me
I am alone, so alone
Iā€™m lonely, but Iā€™m with You
Without You I know I would be in despair
But for some reason I have comfort
I know that You are there
That You are here in me to take me there with You


You live and you long for someone to hold you in their arms
You walk , but you fall time and again
You learn, from the hand of the God who died to set you free

I live, and I long for someone to hold in my arms
I walk, but I fall time and again, and again,
I learn, from the hand of God who died to teach me love

I long for things I cannot have apart from you

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Summer Quarter, 2001

All things are possible to him that believeth.'ā€”Mark 9:23
ā€œMany professed Christians are always doubting and fearing, and they forlornly think that this is the necessary state of believers. This is a mistake, for 'all things are possible to him that believeth'; and it is possible for us to mount into a state in which a doubt or a fear shall be but as a bird of passage flitting across the soul, but never lingering there. When you read of the high and sweet communions enjoyed by favoured saints, you sigh and murmur in the chamber of your heart, 'Alas! these are not for me.' O climber, if thou hast but faith, thou shalt yet stand upon the sunny pinnacle of the temple, for 'all things are possible to him that believeth.' You hear of exploits which holy men have done for Jesus; what they have enjoyed of Him; how much they have been like Him; how they have been able to endure great persecutions for His sake; and you say, 'Ah! as for me, I am but a worm; I can never attain to this.' But there is nothing which one saint was, that you may not be. There is no elevation of grace, no attainment of spirituality, no clearness of assurance, no post of duty, which is not open to you if you have but the power to believe. Lay aside your sackcloth and ashes, and rise to the dignity of your true position; you are little in Israel because you will be so, not because there is any necessity for it. It is not meet that thou shouldst grovel in the dust, O child of a King. Ascend! The golden throne of assurance is waiting for you! The crown of communion with Jesus is ready to bedeck your brow. Wrap yourself in scarlet and fine linen, and fare sumptuously every day; for if thou believest, thou mayst eat the fat of kidneys of wheat; thy land shall flow with milk and honey, and thy soul shall be satisfied as with marrow and fatness. Gather golden sheaves of grace, for they await thee in the fields of faith. 'All things are possible to him that believeth.'ā€  (Charles Spurgeon, Morning & Evening, 8/8)

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Summer Quarter, 2001

It all comes down to Your blessings, Lord ā€“ for You long to bless and fill us.  When we are dry and weary, You long to fill us.  In Psalm 81:10, God says through the Psalmist Asaph, ā€œOpen  wide your mouth and I will fill it.ā€  How true that is.  When I am empty and weary, He will fill my cup if I but come to Him.  I am in Christ and He in me; my strength and source of life is Him.  Then why do I not seek Him?  Why do I not spend time dwelling with Him, ever praising Him, singing to Him, looking to Him for strength?  Such infinite goodness and strength and rest and peace is offered me, while I live an empty and longing life.
As the birds outside my window look for a place of rest, so do I look for rest.  They perch on the craggy rocks, and when the tide is low, all is well.  But when the tide comes in, they have to fly to avoid being swept away; but they stubbornly keep landing on the sinking rock, although they should know it wonā€™t give them rest.  They are just longing for a place of rest, a place to sit and perch.  If only they could realize that the shore is no more than fifty yards away, that an endless land with many rocks to perch upon are really so near.  Lord, for some reason I try to find my rest, my strength and my portion, my delight and my satisfaction, in other things that I know cannot last.  But all the time You are right beside of me, inside of me actually, calling me to simply come to You and rest.
ā€œBlessed are those who dwell in your house; they are ever praising You.  Blessed are those whose strength is in You, who have set their hearts on pilgrimage.  As they pass through the Valley of Baca (arid stretches), they make it a place of springs; the autumn rains also cover it with pool.  They go from strength to strength, till each appears before God in Zion.ā€œ  (Psalm 84: 4-7)  Lord, may I dwell in Your house, dwell with You, find my strength in You.  I donā€™t want to go from empty source of strength to empty source of strength; I want to go from finding my strength in You here to finding my strength in You there.  Whether in the arid valley, the grasslands, the spiritual dryness or spiritual fertility, I want to find my strength in You, for wherever I go You are my peace.  You are my portion, my all; help me, my God, to seek You; Holy Spirit, give me the strength to live for You, give me the strength to seek You for strength.  I want to walk in Your ways; I want to live a holy and blameless life, so lead my and guide me, Spirit.  Take away every impurity within me; wash me with the blood of Jesus, that I may constantly be made new, that I may constantly be renewed in You.  Heal my wounds, that I may sing of Your greatness.  Strengthen me with the ability to use whatever gifts You give me for Your glory, whether itā€™s leading worship, singing of You, writing of You, stirring people to ponder the mysteries of Christ in us, serving, teaching, preaching, or encouraging.  I want to let my life be a sweet song before You, a sweet sacrifice thatā€™s pleasant to You, thatā€™s pleasing to You.  Lord, heal my body, that I may live for You all my days.
Iā€™m worried about this pain in my fingers; I work forty hours a week on a computer, which I fear aggravates this.  This pain could make it difficult to work.  It also could make it difficult to play the guitar, and I long to play for the rest of my life, always giving praise to You through it.  But Lord, may Your will be done.  Strengthen my hands, Lord, it You want me to serve You by using them.  Show me how to get them taken care of, if thatā€™s what itā€™ll take. Lord, I come to You with my life; lift me up and strengthen me once again.  Draw me continually to my knees, so that I can praise You and look to You.  You are worthy of everything I could ever give, and so much more.  You created the heavens and the earth, the oceans in all their might and splendor, even the birds and the fish in the sea.  You care for everything, even me a fallen but now redeemed human.  Thanks, Lord, for redeeming me from the pit, for giving me life, for strengthening me time and again, for always welcoming me back every time I wander away.  You are worthy of all praise and honor and glory; all strength is Yours.

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Summer Quarter, 2001

The colors right outside my window amaze me
Such beauty
The vibrant blue of the surging sea
The many hues alight in the sky

Are there birds diving for food
Or seals frolicking by the rocks
Whales surfacing, sea lions resting
Birds gliding just feet from my window

How can I live in a place of such beauty
And not be overwhelmed?

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Summer Quarter, 2001

Longing to find something to satisfy the soul
To live for the moment or for eternity?
That is the question

Seen from above, from an eternal perspective
Temptations would be reduced to absurdity
Decisions either not to be worried about or easy choices
Worries cast into the winds of the temporal
Fears dissipated in the light of the truth.

But for now, what can we do but trust
That there is One who sees from eternity and beyond
Who cares enough to lead us, if weā€™ll but obey

Sometimes, Lord, my mind begins to wander,
I begin to wonder whatā€™s over yonder;
Keep me fond of and focused on You.

ā€œHis divine power has given us everything
for life and godliness through our knowledge
of Him who called us by His own glory and goodness.

Through these He has given us His very great
And precious promises, so that through them
You may participate in the divine nature
And escape the corruption in the world
Caused by evil desires.ā€  (2 Peter 1: 3-4)

faith -> goodness -> knowledge -> self-control -> perseverance -> godliness -> brotherly kindness -> love

ā€œFor if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.ā€ (verse 8)

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Summer Quarter, 2001

ā€œ... so that nothing will hinder your prayers.ā€  1 Peter 3:7
   - sin can hinder prayers
   - even something as subtle as not respecting your wife can totally hinder your prayers

Iā€™ve been guilty of:
- sins of lust
- relationship with Jerilyn, not really wanting to listen
- laziness, routine shutting out the ā€œlife that God desiresā€
- not being involved in ministry, not in Bible Study or fellowship
- therefore leading worship hypocritically at times
- not sharing/having good fellowship, so in a sense lying about whatā€™s going on in me
- pride in gifts that will continue to fade if I donā€™t use them for You
- self-sufficiency
   - making plans for what I want
   - not praying regularly, for everything
- therefore grieving the Holy Spirit.  I am in need of mercy.
Lord, You bore all these sins on the cross; Jesus, You took them upon Yourself.  I am dead to them in You.  You offer the new Christ-life ā€“ Your resurrected life which can be living in me ā€“ the ā€œmystery which has been kept hidden for ages and generations, but is now disclosed to the saints ... which is Christ in You, the hope of glory.ā€  (Colossians 1)

Renew me, Lord
Set Your Spirit upon me
Forgive me and heal me
Set Your power upon me
May it be displayed in me
Transforming me, washing me, using me for Your glory
Making me a humble vessel which proclaims Your greatness
Your mercy, forgiveness, and Your gospel of truth.

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Summer Quarter, 2001

- write everyday *
- pray often (always)
- pray with Jerilyn more often
- continue to read and ponder Scripture
- get very involved in ministry at a church (whether Calvary SLO or Calvary Shoreline)
- take a class at Calvary Shoreline
- learn new worship songs, get lyrics/chords
(Jamesā€™ ā€œAll Praiseā€ song
ā€œAltogether Lovelyā€ (Here I am to Worship)
When I Survey (chorus)
Brianā€™s ā€œYou Have Demonstratedā€ song
My Jesus, My Lifeline ... )
- learn to love others (gain compassion for them, so I can care and encourage them ...) by praying and seeking the mind of God towards them. i.e. Dan, Travis, Jerilyn, Jesse. ā€œNow that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for your brothers, love one another deeply, from the heart. For you have been born again, not of perishable sees, but of imperishable, through the living and enduring word of God.ā€ 1 Peter  1: 22-23
- use Scripture in conversations and in writings

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Summer Quarter, 2001

Lord God, help me to write, to communicate my thoughts, hopes, fears, and learnings, that I may learn and remember, myself, and that I may help or encourage others.

I am learning much on this trip, although perhaps much differently than I expected.
   - to pray regularly (stopping and praying with people)
   - Iā€™ve seen boldness in sharing with people and have been inspired to be the same way back in SLO.
   - praying often is a great way to keep friendships focused on God, and for keeping my heart focused on Him, and for the result that God will surely answer.
   - Iā€™ve learned the importance of group fellowship. With others is walking in the light possible.  Corporate worship, prayer that feeds off each other and encourages conversations and exhortations that point out truth and share life experiences. Asking for prayer on even small things encourages growth in fellowship. Reading Scriptures to one another, for the word of God is living and active. God has gifted us with different gifts ā€“ some with words of knowledge or wisdom, some with mercy to care for you, some with discernment, some with teaching and exhorting gifts, some with service that is evidence of Godā€™s love and heart to serve.  In all things humility should be evident, and all should, of course, be bound together by love.  Some peopleā€™s zeal is easily spread, producing fervor for the work of God.  Some people are gifted at different types of ministry, reaching out to different types of people.  But we all alike should be of one mind and purpose, striving in unity to proclaim Jesus Christ and to strengthen disciples, living for Him and worshipping Him as we are continually met be Him and fed and inspired by Him.

   - Iā€™ve learned how I need to be open in fellowship, open to sharing where Iā€™m at, confessing sin, honestly sharing with brothers and sisters.
   - I donā€™t know exactly what my role is in the body of Christ ā€“ only to be me, the me that Heā€™s created me as, as a new creation.  I would like to figure out what exactly my gifts are so that I can have confidence as I use them for Him. Iā€™d like to figure out my role in this community and not be afraid Iā€™m not filling it.
   - Iā€™ve been reminded that the gospel of Christ is still true, that Heā€™s alive and working to change lives ā€“ the question is whether Iā€™ll willingly play my part in this.  God has the power to change peopleā€™s lives, to radically turn them around, as He has done in many people here.  Scotland has so much need for this life-changing power of the gospel to go forth.  Many people are unaware of what is truly offered in Christ, and are pretty open to receiving it.  Lord, send people to care for them and to reveal Your gospel in itā€™s entirety to them.  Weā€™ve realized that, as we proclaim the truth here, our biggest impact will probably be on the church here, for we will soon leave, and even for people who have become Christians, if there is not a solid body to strengthen and encourage and build them up, the seed may be snatched away.

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Summer Quarter, 2001

I canā€™t stop looking at myself
My pride, it hems me in
Everywhere I turn, I look for peace
Sadly, I only see more of me

How many times have I forgotten the grace
Thatā€™s washed me pure every time
For how much longer must I run this race
On these wobbly knees that are mine

Will You be the strength I can always count on
Will You be my help to carry me on
Iā€™m so far from home, Iā€™ve so far to go
I donā€™t want to journey on alone

Sometimes in the solitude my fears slip in
And play tricks on my aching mind
May Your love be the light that brightly shines
Through this darkened and stained glass

Break me, draw me to my knees
I know my need; so I come to You for peace
For peace, for peace

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Summer Quarter, 2001

D              Em         A
There is just something about
                         G
These emerald (endless) rolling hills
D            G              A
Something I canā€™t quite describe
D           Em             A
Sunflowers waving in the breeze
        G                     D
Such a pastoral (wonderful) scene
      G               A
That makes my heart alive

G                    D              Bm
I want to sing this ancient landā€™s song
G                              A
A wave of grace that washes through
Touching hearts, knocking the strong
Onto their knees

How have we fallen so far
From so high
How can a country so full of beauty
Be so dead inside?


New life springs forth
Like a mountain stream (fresh)
Flow, river, flow forth
To cover broken hearts with Your love
To instill new life

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Summer Quarter, 2001

Will this love last forever
Will I see You face to face
Sometimes I begin to wonder
Tilā€™ my eyes are opened by Your grace

Endless adventures, of life walking with You
Who needs sleep when thereā€™s Your presence
As with the glory of the sunset,
All else fades away before You, Lord.

How can I ever
Repay You for forever
How can I never
Give You the props You deserve?

Your unending love never fades
It is new every morning
I am reminded once again
I should be on my knees
Humbly coming before Your throne
Asking for my daily bread, for Your Spirit
Holy Spirit, come and fill me now
Thanks for Your Psalms,
For the endless wonders in Your word
For II Corinthians and the encouragement in
Sharing faith it gives.
Thanks for the lamb which Abel sacrificed to You, and for showing me that whatever fruits of Cainā€™s labor were brought, it is not enough to please You.  Thanks for providing the lamb for Abraham to sacrifice in Isaacā€™s place ā€“
Thanks for becoming the Lamb Yourself
For laying down Your life
To take upon Yourself the death I deserve
For giving me life! For stirring my heart
For having a purpose for me
For forgiving me time and again
For waiting each time like the Prodigal Father
To welcome me back as Your son, as Your loved child,
Waiting with arms open wide
For running out to meet me when I wouldnā€™t have made it back to You, for embracing me and placing a ring on my finger, for assuring me of eternal dwelling specially prepared with You,

For lifting me up, setting a smile upon my face, for drying  my tears, breaking my pride, bringing me to my knees in worship of You my King, for giving me hope. Youā€™ve renewed life within my very soul.  Though I havenā€™t slept, I have found rest in You, comfort and peace far beyond what I expected.

You still love me, You still call me as Your own, You still long to wrap Your arms around me and speak to me and use me.  You were sacrificed so that I could be made pure, so that all sins can be forgiven and washed away, along with my guilt and shame.  I can stand boldly and confidently before You, Lord, knowing that as I ask for Your Holy Spirit that You will provide, more surely than a father will provide for his beloved child.  You have wiped away my past; the old has gone, the new has come, for I am a new creation in You.

You know the hurting and suffering that peopleā€™s faces can hardly hide, Lord.  Use me to communicate Your love, Father.  You can wash us so that weā€™re as white as clouds seen from above.

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Spring Quarter, 2001

Though Iā€™ve nothing to bring to You
All I have is brokenness
I want to lay down my life
As a sacrifice to You

I want to worship You, my Lord
I want to worship You, my King
I want to lay ...


So I lift up my hands
And I lift up my voice
And I lift up my eyes unto Your throne
And Iā€™ll lay down my life
And Iā€™ll take up my cross
And Iā€™ll lay everything down at Your feet
At Your wounded feet


I will let You work in me
For You live to serve
You offer Your life as a sacrifice for me

...
And Iā€™ll lift up my voice
To worship You

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Spring Quarter, 2001

God ultimately seeks His own glory.  But His means to that end, in Jesus, was sacrificing Himself, laying His life down, and serving others, Perhaps it is indeed good to pursue our own ultimate happiness and satisfaction.  This is found in God alone, first of all.  But it seems like we must do as Jesus did, and pursue whatā€™s ultimately best for us by sacrificing of ourselves in the meantime, and by serving others.  This will most likely bring us satisfaction in the meantime, also, and to really love others should bring us joy.  In this way, the joy and well-being of others can be our joy, as we love them, and in doing this (loving them), we are doing what will bring us ultimate joy and satisfaction and completeness, too.

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Spring Quarter, 2001

The point of prayer is not just to get things from God, but to lay a hold of God Himself.  For being in the presence of God and walking with Christ will make the rest of your life fall into place; itā€™s incredible.  Laying a hold of God will result in the squelching of pride ā€“ for who can be proud when faced with the glory of God?  His presence exposes every hidden sin within us, every weakness and every need; in light of that, and in light of His radiant holiness, how can our pride stand?  How can our arrogance, the things in ourselves we cling to for security, stand, when they are being exposed as frail shadows?

Oh, the rewards of serving You, of investing my life to bless others.  It may often be against what I want to do on my own; but the benefits of knowing that Iā€™m being used by the God of all creation to influence others are incredible.

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Spring Quarter, 2001

I see myself living in this state, this state that is not very healthy ā€“ this state of isolation and of holding the truth that I know inside, of not being involved with non Christians very much and not being a bold light to them as I cm called to be.  I see myself there, as if in a dream ā€“ as if I canā€™t do anything about it.  Lord, stir in me to change, to live for You as You are calling me to live!  Make Your calling more pressing upon my mind; capture me once again.

I walk around campus, where Iā€™ve been thousands of times before, and gaze upon the myriad faces that swarm about me.  I ponder their eternal destiny, whether to be with God forever, enjoying His presence and reflecting His glory clearly, or to be separated from God eternally.  As I look into their eyes with this attitude, I see things differently.  I am overwhelmed by the superficiality, the front  that so many people seem to be putting up.  The appeal of looking good, of impressing the world, of success, of popularity, of wealth, is widespread; if they would only stop and realize that the superficial exterior will one day be stripped away, and they will stand before their God either in utter terror or supreme wonder.  If only I could do the same, and stop living for appearances, and start living more for the truth.  Lord, change me!  As I ponder Your gospel and verses which make this clear, I think about how that relates to the people I see walking around campus.  Many people are dead to their need; and although the greatest gift imaginable has been offered to them, they are ignorant of itā€™s reality and continue their own mad and blind pursuits of happiness.  Lord, send Your word forth, to redeem Your people; make Yourself known, Lord!  For You are not just a religion; You are not just something that makes people feel secure as they have something stronger than them to believe in; You are not contrary to truth. You are indeed the Truth, and You offer us a real and personal relationship with You; what You have to offer us is real and still, even 2000 years after You walked on this earth, still You change lives radically and make all the difference.  You offer salvation, which You have paid for and done all the work for; we have but to accept it, to receive You and to receive eternal life.  Whether or not selfish motivations are ideal, You offer us the reward of Yourself, and it turns out to be what is best for us anyways.  Lord, let us seek You, for I know that as we do, we will find You.

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I Stand Amazed
Spring Quarter, 2001

G             D                             C9           D2sus4/A
The heavens proclaim Your wonders, oh Lord,
G           D                   C9                   D2sus4/A
The universe paints a picture of Your glory,
G                D                C9            D2sus4/A
The sunset sky alight, dances in my eyes;
Em7       D                  C9
All I can do is stand amazed.

Chorus:
             D      C9                  G
In all creation, I see Your glory
               D        C9                        G
In Your presence, questions die away
                D       C9                                            Em          D
I lift my voice, I fall to my knees and sing with joy
                  C9                  D
For Your mercy never changes,
                 C9              D            C9
And Your love never fades,
                     G
So I stand amazed.

As the sun never ceases to rise,
As the crashing waves ever pound upon the shore,
So does Your love burn evermore;
All I can do is stand amazed.
(chorus)



Your beauty overwhelms

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Spring Quarter, 2001

Oh Lord, my God, restore me to Your side; send Your Spirit that I may abide in You.  I want to rest in You, to find direction and focus and rest in the shadow of Your wings.  What do you want of me, Lord?  To pursue Your holiness, to live a pure life in answer to Your call, how should I live, and what should I do?  Father, reveal Your good and perfect will to me, at least in this next step; lead me on as You will.  If You want me to spend my whole life being single, then may it be so; I will gladly serve You thus.  If You want me to end this relationship, then strengthen me to do so.  Whatever needs to happen, make it so, Father.  I want this and everything to glorify You.  I am so uncertain about my future, but I will trust in You at every step.  I know I have gone wrong in some ways, and even in this relationship I have sinned and dropped my gaze from You.  Lord, if I could ultimately serve You better without this relationship, then reveal that to me so that I can move on and show Your love more fully, so that I can walk in Your Spirit obediently.  Are You calling me out of this?  Maybe Iā€™ve been ignoring Your Spirit; I want to be obedient, Lord, to Your Spirit; whatever You have for me, I want to obey, so that I donā€™t have to fear what may be, but rejoice in the knowledge that You, my faithful Father, will provide for me and bless me for obeying and following You.  Lead me on, Jesus.


"The time of the singing of birds is come,"--the time when nature calls aloud to us and bids us awaken out of the deadness of personal grief, and rejoice in the new manifestation of His beauty that God is making to the world.ā€  --- Annie Keary


Em                                      G
But when itā€™s all said and done
When the dust finally clears
I see that I am still Your child
Held fast by the hand of God

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Winter Quarter, 2001

2 Thessalonians 1

- as their faith grows, so does their love for each other (v. 3)
- as a result of their perseverance through trials, they will be counted worthy of the kingdom of God
- prays that by His power they may live, so that they may be counted worthy
   - faith needs to produce actions in order for us to be ā€˜counted worthyā€™
   - but this is done by Godā€™s power in us ā€“ fulfilling our purpose, actions prompted by faith
- result
   - Jesus glorified in you (v. 12)
   - glorified in His holy people (v. 10)
   - and marveled at among all who have believed
- they believed testimony, had faith
   -> God working, empowering them to suffer / endure trials / love one another
   -> they will be counted worthy
   -> Jesus glorified in them

- those who donā€™t know God and donā€™t obey the gospel of Christ, will be separated/banished from the presence/glory/power of God.
   - whatā€™s it mean by ā€œdonā€™t obey the gospelā€? (v. 8)
      - what exactly is the gospel?
         (love one another as He loved you, live for Him (a changed life springing from faith, driven by His power)

- Youā€™ve given me ā€œgood purposesā€ (v. 11)
   - I need to pray for Your power to accomplish them

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Winter Quarter, 2001

ā€œFor as your prayers have been many, so also have been God's answers to them. He has heard you in the day of trouble, has strengthened you, and helped you, even when you dishonoured Him by trembling and doubting at the mercy-seat. Remember this, and let it fill your heart with gratitude to God, who has thus graciously heard your poor weak prayers. 'Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all His benefits.'ā€  (Spurgeon, 2/6)

ā€œRemember, again, that intercessory prayer is exceedingly prevalent. What wonders it has wrought! The Word of God teems with its marvellous deeds. Believer, thou hast a mighty engine in thy hand, use it well, use it constantly, use it with faith, and thou shalt surely be a benefactor to thy brethren. When thou hast the King's ear, speak to Him for the suffering members of His body. When thou art favoured to draw very near to His throne, and the King saith to thee, 'Ask, and I will give thee what thou wilt,' let thy petitions be, not for thyself alone, but for the many who need His aid. . . .
ā€œ'Oh, let my hands forget their skill,
My tongue be silent, cold, and still,
This bounding heart forget to beat,
If I forget the mercy-seat!'ā€  (Spurgeon, 2/6)


Father, I praise You.  Maybe You are calling me to pray ceaselessly, to lift up to You otherā€™s burdens, to constantly be looking for their well being, praying, encouraging, admonishing, and affirming them, teaching and preaching Your goodness.  For You are good, Lord ā€“ Your gospel is a gospel of grace, of which proclaims Your goodness, Your love and Your faithfulness.  You care for us beyond measure, enough that You would send Your Son to die for us; Your love for us brought You to the cross.  Your power rose You up again from the grave, and in Your mercy You offer us Your new life.  Though weā€™re sinful and undeserving, and though weā€™ve turned away from You time and again, still You offer us life and seemingly infinite chances to get what You reveal to us.  Lord, thanks.  Help me to proclaim Your gospel, for i is amazing and it is truth.  Open my mouth and speak through me, that I may use my whole life to sing of Your love.  You are good, Lord!  Father, You are good.  Though You cannot tolerate sin in Your presence, You gave Your life on the cross so that we could be cleansed, so that we could return to Your side and experience You.  You offer us a life that will never end, in which we will be constantly growing closer to You, constantly be overwhelmed and amazed by Your love and Your power, constantly bring all that we are in worship to You, the infinitely worthy God.

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Winter Quarter, 2001

Lord, I know You are trying to reveal something to me; open my ears, that I may hear from You, that I may see and follow Your lead.

I realize that I often want to serve for my glory; I sometimes want to lead worship and lead others and do things that bring attention to me.  But am I willing to do the most menial of tasks as an act of service?  Am I willing to pour out my life to serve others, even if I get no recognition as a result?  ā€œIt is one thing to follow Godā€™s way of service if you are regarded as a hero, but quite another thing if the road marked out for you requires becoming a doormat under other peopleā€™s feet.  Godā€™s purpose may be to teach you to say, ā€œI know how to be abasedā€¦ā€ (Phil. 4:12)  Are you ready to be sacrificed like that?  Are you ready to be less than a mere drop in the bucket ā€“ to be so totally insignificant that no one remembers you even if they think of those you served?  Are you willing to give and be poured out until you are used up and exhausted ā€“ not seeking to be ministered to, but to minister?ā€ (Oswald Chambers, 2/5)  Lord, bring me the humility that knowing You intimately requires and produces.  Knock me to my knees; strip me of everything that Iā€™m taking pride in, so that I can humbly serve You, my worthy God.  Although I may get no recognition, and You donā€™t need my service, I want to pour out my life to serve.  

This time of spiritual dryness has stirred more of a longing within me for You; a thirst for Your presence has sprung within me.  I know that You are my God, and that nothing can separate me from You, so whatever You are teaching me through this, speak to me clearly that I may learn and praise You.  I miss walking in step with Your Spirit, being so overwhelmed by Your love that everything else pales in comparison and fades away next to the glory of knowing You.  I miss being blown away by Your Spirit at work in and around me in power; maybe my eyes are just shut now, though I know You are at work.  I miss how my heart would pound as I realized that Your Spirit was at work and that You were calling me to action.  I miss the thrill of the enlightenment and wisdom Your Spirit would fill me with as I would study Your word and gain insights.  I miss the moments of clarity when You spoke into my heart, when the gospel became clear, when all I longed for was to think of You and share You to the nations.  Lord, Iā€™m crying out to You; in Your timing, would You bless Your servant with the reality of Your presence and Your work.  But teach me and lead me as You will.  Come what may, I will try to obey, I will look to You, I will seek Your face, I will try to focus on You and to see Your beauty, I will worship You.  Clean am I before my Lord!  Though sin talons at my face, you see me as purified.  You are washing me clean.

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Winter Quarter, 2001

The chief end up man is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever.
Do we seek to enjoy Him, knowing that this brings Him glory?
Or do we seek to glorify Him, during the process of which we will enjoy Him?
Or some middle ground?
The end result may be the same, but what is different is the motivation or chief aim and ambition and loyalty. Is our ambition to glorify Him, because He is worthy, or is our ambition to be happy in Him, because this makes Him happy and ultimately brings glory to Him?

Maybe He makes us able to love selflessly, even thougs it's not natural for us; to live for Him selflessly, in response to who He is.

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Winter Quarter, 2001

ā€œā€¦ we are always harking back to some occasion which seemed to us to reach perfection, setting that up as a norm, and depreciating all other occasions by comparison.  But these other occasions, I now suspect, are often full of their own new blessing, if only we would lay ourselves open to it.  God shows us a new facet of the glory, and we refuse to look at it because weā€™re still looking for the old one.  And of course we donā€™t get that.ā€  (C.S. Lewis)



Jesse ā€“ prayer requests  - constant schedule ā€“ in times with God
Spiritual walk suffering as a result of inconsistent schedule
Plans for next yearā€¦

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Winter Quarter, 2001

Father, thanks for Your grace, for Your mercy that still covers all I've ever done and will do; thanks for Your love that still endures and will forever. Peace washes over me as I realize once again that I can do nothing to get away from You. Your grace is undeserved and Your love unconditional. I regret having wandered as much as I have; but I am still with You, You are still in me, and I am still saved by grace. You are still my good Shepherd, and You are leading, guiding, and teaching me. You have led me beside green pastures and quiet waters; time and again You've restored my soul when I was weary, broken, and empty. My Father, I cry out in gratitude to You; I want to lift my voice with the babbling brook and the sunset sky in proclaiming Your love and singing Your praises. For You are worthy of all I have to give; all creation shouts aloud that You are the Lord, that everything is in Your hands, that You died and rose again to offer Your life, Your salvation, to all willing to receive it.

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Winter Quarter, 2001

Lord, maybe Iā€™ve been ignoring You, ignoring the answer I havenā€™t wanted to hear.  But if itā€™s Your will for a relationship to work out, itā€™ll have to be You working it out.  So if itā€™s Your will, Lord, bring it about.  I know You can change the hearts of people, and I know that all things are possible with You.  Stir in her heart whatever needs to happen for You to be glorified here.  Maybe You already have, and Iā€™m praying for the wrong things.  Lord, may Your will be done, not mine.  Itā€™s so hard to surrender even my strongest desires to Your will; help me to give it away to You, Lord, to completely rest and know that itā€™s in Your hands.  Lord, thanks for this time with family, this time at church.  You stirred within me, causing me to want to live passionately for You, follow You and be a joyful example to people.  Help me to act on this as You bring opportunities, Lord, and as You lead.  I know that You want to lead me, and You want me to wholly depend on You, following and seeking You every step, being used by You.  Help me to know, oh Lord, how to serve You, how You want me to spend my life.  If You want me to be single and serve You wholeheartedly, then reveal that to me and strengthen me to do so; if You want me to enter a relationship here, bring that about in Your timing, whether itā€™s now or later.  Give me the wisdom and compassion to glorify You in this.  For You, my Lord, are worthy of all glory.  You were born as a baby, and lived a life of frailty; You, the very Son of God, the Creator of the universe, offered Yourself in frail form.  You poured out Your life, serving in every way; Your very body was broken, and like a lamb You were slaughtered.  All this was serving us, for You gave Your sinless life so that we would not have to die the death we could never survive.  ā€˜I will worship You my friend, for laying down Your sinless life, when I was too proud to die.ā€™  You, the very Maker of heaven and earth, the Ruler of the universe, the King of all kings and Lord of all lords, were not too proud to die; You were not too proud to suffer the most cruel, cursed, ignominious death, to take the place of people who had turned away from You and scorned You.

Though they turned from You,
And heaped upon You their scorn,
For them You donned the crown of thorns
Though they spit upon You in Your land
You let them drive nails through Your hands
Though no accusation could condemn
Still You died for the sons of men

The Son of man, the Son of God
In Your very hands the weak trod
Where is the hope we all long for
You revealed that itā€™s found in You
Only the Son of God
Could offer Himself so perfectly
You make the blind to see, set the prisoners free

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Winter Quarter, 2001

In the cold winter of a long December
Silence rushes over a soul longing for more
Longing for something to touch the void
Something to fill the silence

Lucidity fades into the dusk of another night
Thoughts jumbled come out sounding trite
Something beckons from just beyond the ridge
Something clear, yet just out of reach

Grasping for something to hold on to
Something stable in the midst of the storm
Some peace to ease a troubled mind
Some hope to bring comfort and warmth

Lord, You are the hope I hold on to
But I do not know where Youā€™re leading
The uncertainty that clutters my mind
Makes direction hard to find

All I can do is cling to You
Place my feet in Your footprints
One step at a time

Just when I thought I had it all figured out
A gust of wind blows me right off my feet
The bend in the trail curves from my goal
But is my goal You, or my own dreams?

My dreams, bright and hopeful as they are
Call me on to what may not be best
Beckon me to live my life for myself
And not come to You and rest

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Winter Quarter, 2001

I donā€™t know what I want anymore
I just want my innocence back
But since I canā€™t have that
All I can do is give myself to you
And hope you can accept that

Though good results, the sin is never good
But You know it all, and love me still
If I could have it all back, I would
Now I know forgiveness was in Your will

Your innocent body was slain upon the cross
Poured out for the guilty
How can I receive Your innocent life
When all I have is guilt to offer You?

(I exchange my guilt for your innocence)

Somehow, this wonder is true
You exchange my sinfulness for You
Your perfect life Youā€™ve given to me
I stand in awe, I stand set free

My brokenness and my shame
I exchange for Your life and Your peace
My sorrows I exchange for the joy of the Lord
My burden thatā€™s about to drown me
I cast into the sea of Your love
And receive Your mercy instead

I test Your grace so often
But still it stands true
Never failing, always forgiving
Never giving up, always refining

Your purity shall become mine
I stand upon that promise
I cling to it like a cold child
Huddled in hope of the morning
But Your Spirit is the blanket that brings me warmth
Encourages me, fills me with strength
Your infinite resources are at hand, offered to me
Come, once again, Lord, and set me free
Overwhelm me with Your peace
Your power, Your presence
I know that Iā€™m forgiven for all Iā€™ll ever do
And You offer strength and the life You want for me

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Winter Quarter, 2001

Lord, restore me to Your side; draw me back into Your presence.  Send Your Spirit upon me in power that I may live for You, that I may live a life wholly and purely set apart for You, who are worthy of perfection.  Lord, I want to abandon everything, my own desires, dreams, lusts, gifts, and hopes; I want to lay everything at Your feet.  Refine me as You will, taking away all impurities, stirring me to use whatever I can and whatever Iā€™ve learned for Your glory.



I come into Your presence, I come before You dry
But before I know it, my heart is overflowing

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Winter Quarter, 2001

Lord, thanks for easing my mind.  Thanks for Jesse and the friendship Youā€™ve blessed us with, and the encouragement Iā€™ve found.  Lord, be glorified in everything I do, in every thought that crosses my mind.  Take all my thoughts, Lord, and refine them; take them captive.  Change my emotions and thoughts, that they may be from You and of You and glorifying to You.


Lord, I am still sinful and need Your hand, Your Spirit to guide me and to make me righteous.  I am still and forever will be totally dependent on You, my Lord, for everything.  Everything I have comes from You; You are the source of all my strength, conviction, passion, and good deeds; good intentions, thoughts, desires and emotions come from You.  You have reminded me once again of how much I need You, and how I will fail if I rely on myself.  Lord, overwhelm me with Your Spirit, that I may know You, that I may know the peace that results from this, that I may live as a glowing example of Your love, a bold testimony of Your greatness, of Your love and compassion.  May my life, oh Lord, be evidence that You are who You claimed to be in the person of Jesus and throughout the Bible; may my life be an example of Your grace, an example that shows that You are real and that the power, forgiveness, and peace You offer are real.

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Winter Quarter, 2001

I want to pour out my heart into words of passion, distress, or beauty; I want to pour my thoughts, hopes and dreams out so that I may grow in understanding of them, examine what is from You my Lord, and what needs to change. Lord, help me with this goal; inspire me to write, to figure out what is wrong in my life and how to fix it, to gain from You a vision of what You want me to do, to express what it would glorify You to express.  Lord, help me; without You Iā€™m nothing but a poor, pitiable player that struts his hour upon the stage, bungles his part every time, and thinks heā€™s eloquent while missing every note and every line.  Without You, my Lord, I would be lost and hopeless; even the poor and outcast in this world would look upon me and but shake their heads.  But Lord, You have taken this life and forgiven me for all Iā€™ll ever do; You have set my heart on fire, gifted me far beyond what I could ever deserve, and made me pure so that even angels can look at me and see Your glory reflected in me.  At this point Iā€™m still but a poor reflection of You, but the fact that You are working through me at all is evidence of an amazing grace at work.  For who am I to receive such blessings?  Among men there are many who are more intelligent, better-read, quicker thinkers, better musicians, people more naturally passionate about life, better writers and better logicians than I.  But somehow You view my life lived as a sacrifice to You as a beautiful thing; You value my unique life poured out as an act of worship to You, and You use me for Your works and to proclaim Your love and grace.  For do You not take the lowly outcasts, the poor and oppressed, the simple; do You not take them and change them, breathing life and passion and grace into their souls?  Do You not use them to proclaim Your greatness to the world; do You not use the simple to confound the wise?  For You are wiser than the wisest of men, more capable than the nimblest and bravest and brightest among men.  All wisdom, skill, and passion is from You in the first place; it should be used as a sacrifice to bring You glory.  I feel like Iā€™m on orphan child lost in the wilderness, who has been found by God himself and clothed with robes.  The layers of dirt and grime have been peeled away, and skin made as clean as the waters of a mountain spring; pitiful rags have been replaced by magnificent robes of the finest quality.  A ring has been placed upon his finger, a scepter placed in his wavering hand, and as the Spirit breathes strength into him heā€™s sent into the dry and weary land to proclaim truth and hope, to proclaim where waters can be found that cause one never to be thirsty again.  For You satisfy in a way that leaves no room for thirst; if we eat of You and drink of You as living water, we can find the draught of infinite and unspeakable comfort.  Lord, open my clenched fists and my parched throat, that I may receive more of the water which You always offer, Your Spirit; change me that I may live a life totally dependant on You.

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Fall Quarter, 2000

Lord, I havenā€™t written for awhile, and maybe Iā€™m distant from You.  I want to be walking closely with You and be listening to You as You speak to me.  Your gospel is a gospel of peace, and I know that this burden in my heart is unnecessary, for You can take our pains and make them Your own.  I want to cast this burden upon You, my Lord, and have joy renewed within me.  Maybe I should rejoice even through this situation, for it is causing me to cry out to You, question my motives and ideals in life, and is challenging me.  Lord, teach me as Your will, but with Your strength, strengthen me to be able to live wholly for You so that I donā€™t have to learn the hard way.  You will teach me through my wrong decisions and failures to seek and listen to You; I know that.  But You want me to seek You, to listen to You, and to respond faithfully, and not to do wrong.  You want me to walk in step with Your Spirit.  So what is stopping me?  Emotions have perhaps turned my heart astray, and caused me to lose sight of reason and maybe caused me to ignore Your prompting.  But even this can be used for good.  Lord, work through this situation; help me to be content with whatever happens.  Help me to love and serve You by loving and serving others, regardless of what happens.  Lord, I donā€™t know if sheā€™s the one for me; I donā€™t know is sheā€™s best for me or if I am for her.  I donā€™t know if entering a relationship would be ignoring the answer I havenā€™t wanted to hear, or compromising a standard I should hold firmly to, or missing the point of a situation which could be used for good in other ways.  I know that Iā€™ll learn, and that ultimately Youā€™ll be glorified; I know that Iā€™ll be refined and ultimately made holy, just as You see me as holy now because of Jesusā€™ perfect life sacrificed on the cross.  I know that all things will work out for my good if I love You; I know that You hold all things in Your hands, and that Youā€™ve known this would happen all along.  You know what will happen and how Youā€™ll work my bad into Your good.  Help me to be faithful.  Nothing happens without Your knowledge; nothing is too great for You to forgive.  You loved me enough to give Your life for me; You love me enough still to provide faithfully for me, to give me life and lead me through this life as I pursue You.   This should give me infinite comfort; Lord, help these truths to really sink in to my heart, that I may find peace, and rest in You.  My troubled mind, my weary soul, cries out for You; come and meet me, Lord.  Prepare my heart to worship You tonight; give me the strength and knowledge to live my whole life as a sacrifice of worship to You, my Lord of infinite worth.  Jesus, You are Lord; take every area of my life, every corner of my mind, every area of my heart, and change it, refine it, and use it for good.

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Fall Quarter, 2000

D                   G
You are the Lord of heaven and earth
So now regardless of how I feel, I will lift my voice to You
Youā€™ve given me life, Youā€™ve given me worth
I will praise You for who You are


Oh Lord, I come before You in the morning with eyes lifted up and ears straining to hear.  Although Iā€™m tired and part of me wants nothing more than what this tired world offers, I want to hear You, to lift my cry up to You in the morning, singing of Your love in the morning and Your faithfulness at night.  Lord, speak to me and reveal Your will to me.  I am confused and unsure about what to do; Lord, I need Your Spirit to fill me with wisdom and discernment.  Take away whatever resistance I have to hearing and following You; remove whatever distraction is preventing me from hearing You.  Attune my spirit to Your divine tune of grace; change me and make me able to listen and respond faithfully.  I know the answer Iā€™ve been wanting to hear; have I been hearing an affirmative answer or am I ignoring the answer I donā€™t want to hear?

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Fall Quarter, 2000

Lord of heaven and earth, I want to bring You praise and glory in all that I do, with all that I am.  With my whole heart I want to serve You, for You loved me with Your whole life, laying Your life down and offering it to me.  You were broken so that I might be made whole; You have been making me whole and have given Your life to me, given me Your resurrected life.  You laid down everything, even heavenly glory and adoration, sacrificing Yourself on the cross for those who had turned away from You.  How can I not in response lay down my life for You and live it as an offering to You?  You promise Your Holy Spirit to change me, teach me and guide me; You have been doing so in me.  Spirit, help me to allow Your power to work in and through me; come and fill me up, and teach me how to pray, how to live, how to depend on You, how to love with Your love.

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Fall Quarter, 2000

Stir my restless heart to sing a song of praise
To live for You with all I have, for all my days
Incite a song of thankfulness upon my lips
May Your words spoken to me cease to be elusive
As I sing them

Your love, oh Lord, is beyond all I can comprehend
Your goodness is without end
Your gospel is worthy of anything
Worthy of all I have to bring

For Youā€™ve taken my heart
Shaped and formed me
And Youā€™ve taken me apart
Begun to transform me

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Fall Quarter, 2000

As surely as the stars are in the heavens, so You created everything and are worthy of praise.  My heart cries out and longs to thank You; and while I could never repay what Youā€™ve done for me, I want to sing Your praise all the days of my life.  I want to lose my life, to lay everything down and use what You give me to bring you glory.  Lord, despite my own selfish ambitions, work in and through me.  Work in Jamieā€™s heart, Lord; draw him to You in Your timing.  Close in, oh hound of heaven, and bring this prodigal home into Your peace.  Lord, You know him and You know where heā€™s at, much more than I do or even he does.  I lift him up to You in prayer; may Your will be done in his life.  Reveal to me any ways that I need to live as an example for him or words that I need to speak to him; may I be an example of Your love and a vessel which faithfully communicates the hope within me.  Lord, meet Matt where heā€™s at; whatever he needs right now, Lord, bring it to him.  Send Your Spirit upon him that he may find peace and comfort and rest in You.  Help me to love him with Your love, to be there for him when he needs it.  Use me and others around here to comfort him when heā€™s distressed, to spur him on towards You.  For You are calling us to a higher life, one that rests on You, depends on You alone, one in which weā€™re continually filled with Your strength and Your peace.  We need to spend time with You to receive this strength and this peace; if we lack it, it is probably not because You arenā€™t offering it, but because we arenā€™t receiving it.  Our hands are so clenched on our own desires, hopes and dreams, and our faith so firmly rooted in our own strength that we cannot grasp the full life which You offer us; once we realize the futility of our own dreams and the end of our own strength, then we will be able to fully take hold of Your strength and allow our dreams to be conformed to Your plans for our lives.  Lord, may this be so in my life and in those of everyone around here.  Father, I also lift up Rob to You; he is in need of Your strength, Your peace, and a passion from You.  Overwhelm him with Your love, Lord; come upon him in power, that he may know Your goodness and receive Your love.  Your love is offered unconditionally; may we receive it and live accordingly, inspired by You and in awe of Your great love.  For Your gospel is something that is true independently of what we think or how we try to live for it; use us, Lord, to communicate this to the world so desperately in need of this saving draught.

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Fall Quarter, 2000

Lord, come what may, help me to love You, praise You and serve You, for You are the source of everything good in my life.  Through trials, struggles, ad sicknesses, I want to glorify You.  Strengthen me, Lord, for I am in need of Your perfect strength to come and fill me up.

Itā€™s hard to trust that it will work out, when I have so many doubts.  Maybe thatā€™s a sign that itā€™s not the right time now, that I need to wait and seek You some more.  Lord, help me to seek You; meet me in my distress, comfort me, give me peace and the wisdom to do what is right.

I come before You empty, but I know I will not leave dry
For Youā€™ve met me every time before

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Fall Quarter, 2000

It is good to be out here with You, Lord, to take a break from everything else, come into the quiet and enjoy the stillness of Your creation.  Slight ripples cascade gently through the creek below me; the small suspension bridge which supports me allows my feet to dangle carefree above the water.  Lord, with the sound of birds and the wind blowing through the trees, come and meet me here.  Speak to me, Lord; help me to be still and listen for You.  I need guidance, direction, and inspiration; reveal Yourself to me, that I may know Your will.

Lord, Iā€™m concerned with my own welfare, my own hopes and dreams, selfish ambition, and desire for a relationship.  But You, Jesus, who are in very nature God, humbled Yourself, became nothing, surrendered Yourself to the Fatherā€™s will, and served, even submitting to death.  Why is it that I, a creation of God, who has fallen and turned away time and again, have more pride than the Son of God?  Why do I put my desires before the needs of others?  What would it look like in my life if I truly became a servant, serving all in selfless love?  What would that look like if all the Christians here did the same?  This place would be shaken up, for that is radically different than the normal ways of this world.

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Fall Quarter, 2000

Lord, may the fire within me be rekindled, and may I shine brightly with Your love.  As expectations Iā€™ve had will probably be let down, I come back to You.  If only I wouldnā€™t put so much hope in having them fulfilled; maybe this hope is from You, but I think it but distracts me from living for You, from living.  Lord, lighten my soul, that I may praise You.  Make Your love evident in my life, that I may give You thanks and praise, pointing to You as the source of such goodness.  I know that I donā€™t deserve it; while such fulfillment would be amazing and would probably spur me on to give You thanks and to be in awe of what You can do in my life, I still can love You, praise You, and be content in any and every circumstance through Your strength revealed in me.  All such things are possible, for it is Your strength which makes me able to be joyful even when things donā€™t go my way.  It is Your strength which causes me to have peace even when all around is crumbling.  It is Your strength that allows me to sing even when every desire of my own has been disappointed.  When all my hopes and dreams crash, when everything Iā€™ve hoped for slides out of reach, Iā€™m left standing with Your grace supporting me, Your beautiful creation smiling upon me, Your strength waiting to be shared.  You long to welcome me back into total dependence on You, my God, to guide me on to a holy life of pursuing You, pursuing others for You, surrendering my dreams and pursuing Your will.  Lord, take these dreams from me, that I may not depend on them too much; even if You call me to be single my whole life, help me to rest knowing that Your will is being done, that things will ultimately work for my best if I love You with my life.

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Fall Quarter, 2000

In Decapolis the man was brought
To the Healer
But You burst in upon His deafness

I have heard Your voice
But in the midst of my own newfound words
I miss Your still, small voice
Calling me still

I have a jealous heart
Which quakes at the slightest cause
How You must be jealous
When I, for whom You poured out Your life
Look to other lovers, to worldly desires

I recognize a problem
Try to write a song about it
Without really fixing it


Lord, I cry out in desperation to You.  For I realize how wretched I am, how much in need of a Savior I still am.  Even after much refining and many, many years of ā€˜commitmentā€™ to You, I still have many flaws and shortcomings.  You have done much in my life, and for this I give You praise.  But You know my inner being, and everything I truly am.  All I can do is submit to Your refining, and seek to obey with strength that only You can give.  When my strength has run out, then Iā€™m forced to depend on Yours.  Itā€™s in my weakness that Your strength, Your power is made known.  For if You can take me, who obviously have many problems and who canā€™t squelch my own pride over trivial matters and gifts from You, and if You can use me still, it is for Your glory.  You alone could change me, could so completely turn me around from my natural desires, transplant Your will and desires into me as I seek to surrender my own.  Thatā€™s part of what this is all about ā€“ Iā€™m struggling to surrender my dreams fully to You.  I have committed them to You in word, but new dreams, pride, and hopes pop up to prevent me from fully living for You.  Lord, take everything that I am, every dream, every desire, every thought; refine everything that I am, even if I try to cling to it.  Help me to cling only to You, my lifeline in a world of temptations and pitfalls.  Take my life when I donā€™t have the strength to give it away to You.  

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Fall Quarter, 2000

Lord, I know that in You is fulfillment, in You is the answer to all my worries.  Although I havenā€™t been seeking Your will as much as I should, I know that my wandering heart should find rest in You and You alone.  ā€˜My dreams are not the issue here, for Thee the Hammer holds.ā€™  I have longings and dreams; I want things to go a certain way.  I wish that some things had gone differently than they have; in some ways I cry out not to repeat my mistakes while making them again.  But my dreams are not the issue ā€“ You, oh Lord of heaven and earth, are the real issue, and my relationship and standing with You should be of ultimate and utmost importance to me.  What matters is not my dreams or my goals, but Yours; Your plan for me, Your infinite picture, Your subtle and mighty works are infinitely greater than what I could ever get from my small human perspective.  Shed Your Spirit upon me, that I may gain Your perspective, Your goals, Your will, and a knowledge that You are doing something much bigger in my life and all around me.  All I could ever do or dream  pales compared to Your plan and what Your might can accomplish.  Spirit, blow through this place like the wind.  Enrapture me with Your presence; overwhelm me and awaken me from my lethargy.  Thrust me into the ministry which You would have me do, Your works that by Your awesome grace You make me able to take part in.  Lord, help relationship worries not to come before this goal; make my heart and mind focused and content so that I can serve You without being distracted by my wayward heart.  For my heart is wayward; although perhaps not now swayed by lust or pride, my dreams are perhaps preventing me from fully serving You.  As Iā€™ve sung to You so many times, I now give my dreams over to You; take everything I hope for and refine my desires.  Let ā€˜every other hope and dream be lost inside of this one thing: to know the One who died for me and to live my live for Jesus Christ.ā€™  Let my hopes and dreams be crucified, be a fragrant offering to You who are worthy of all and so much more.  Iā€™ve gotten to where I really hope for a relationship and for it to happen before too long.  Now I want to recommit myself to You, that come what may, I will love and serve and praise You; even if You call me to be single my whole life, I will do the same.  I want to prove that You mean more to me than this or any desire for a relationship.  I have no strength to follow through with such a commitment save the strength that I find in You; and Youā€™ve promised to fill me with all the strength I need to be content in any and every circumstance.  So take me now; bring me back to You.  Tear my focus back away from the cares of this world and entrance me, that I may focus on You.  Although a relationship can be a good thing, and maybe Youā€™ve created me with longings for such a relationship that You will someday satisfy, I want to sacrifice my desire for this to You.  As painful as this may be, make it so, Lord.  For if my heart is wandering now, what makes me think itā€™ll be any different when Iā€™m married or in a relationship?  If Iā€™m not finding contentment and peace of mind now, when Your almighty strength is at hand, then a relationship will not be the cure-all.  I have Your strength and all Your infinite resources to help me be content now; I need to learn to be content now, where Iā€™m at.  I have in You all I need; help me to take hold of it.  But Lord, if these desires do come from You, as I hope someday they will, then may I act appropriately and in such a fashion as the humblest of Your slaves.  Help me to love female friends with Your love, to be a shining and glowing example of You to them, through my actions and words, as well as my thoughts and attitudes.

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Fall Quarter, 2000

I lift my eyes up to Thee
I have tried to do it on my own
But my weakness reminds me
Of my need for Thee.

I come longing for Your peace
For Your joy to flow through me
I come longing for Your power
To come upon me this hour
Are my sights and expectations too high
Or are they much, much too low?


I will trust in You, Lord, and wait for Your timing.  I realize now that many girls that I may have considered are probably not the one; but I have been spending time learning what to look for and why some qualities are essential.  Why worry when the Infinite is on my side?  You have my whole future mapped out.  There is nothing I will ever do that will surprise You; I can choose to seek You and follow You, or to ignore You, at each step.  But Your will will eventually win out over mine; eventually my will will be fully conformed to Yours, and Your purpose for me will be fulfilled.  There will come a time when all worries will disappear, when doubts, fears and questions will be stifled, and I will be able to simply praise You for who You are.  For You Yourself are the answer, You bring the proud and the humble to their knees, Your call beggars, outcasts and saints alike to Your side.  

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I Run To You
Fall Quarter, 2000

G           D             Em7    C9                   D
Lord, I come before You, in need of Your grace;
           G        D   Em7    C9                        D
With heavy load I come, in need of Your love.
Am         Em7           D        G          D/F#      Em7
In my distress I call out to You, the Holy, unfailing One,
Am                D
And I run to You.

Chorus:
G                        D                                  Em7
I run into Your arms, and find Your embrace,
                                  Cm                                   G
Your Spirit falls like rain, to wash the stains away.
                               D                           Em7
Although I have fallen time and time again,
                        Cm                            G
Still you stand firm, faithful to the end;


Lord, I come before You, and bow at Your feet,
Humbly I seek You, Iā€™m down on my knees.
I know that I am forgiven, but still my heart just cries for something,
So I run to You.

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Fall Quarter, 2000

Lord, You are the Comforter of hearts, the Savior of souls, the hope we can hold on to.  You gave Your life so that we could know You; You shed Your blood so that we could have peace with God.  May he know Your peace, Lord; meet him in his distress.  Holy Spirit, come upon him, convict him, and draw him to You, to the point where he will bow down before You and confess his need for You.  Lord, You are at work; that much I know.  Give him peace of mind, unless it will keep him from turning to You the real Comforter; may these times help him to truly see his need for You.  Lord, may I be a vessel through which You speak; may my lifestyle, my attitudes, my words be Yours, and may they glorify You.  Lord, bring up conversation or whatever he needs.  You know what he needs; use me as You will in fulfilling them.

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Summer Quarter, 2000

What really matters in life?  You, Lord, make life truly meaningful ā€“ You give something worth living for.  To make this possible You proved I was worth dying for, by laying down Your life.  What can the proper response to this be but laying my life down to You, submitting to You and Your eternal will for my life?  You in turn have given me joy, as well as peace, to the extent that Iā€™ve been able to accept it; the more I open my hands the more You give.  The limit of Your grace is not what Youā€™re willing to give, but how much Iā€™m able to receive.  Lord, I give You my heart, my will, my mind, all that I can ā€“ help me to give the rest, to be open to Your love, healing and purpose for my life.  You truly make life meaningful and give me something worth living for.  You have satisfied many of my longings, and I have reason to believe that You are the ultimate satisfaction of all the rest.  Lord, I want to serve You, come what may; if it delights You and/or is in Your will to satisfy me and help me to enjoy and worship You, then all the better for me; all the more reason to praise You.  But I want to worship You because of who You are, because You are worthy, regardless of what temporary satisfaction I get as a result; regardless of the situation, I want to praise You and rejoice in You, my God.  I do long for a relationship; if you desire to fulfill that through a relationship with a faithful daughter of Yours, then I believe joy would overwhelm me.  But I must not put too much hope in this; I must not let that cause me to lose sight of my true goal in life, my true fulfillment, the true love of my soul ā€“ You, my Lord and my God, my Redeemer, Savior and Shepherd.

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Summer Quarter, 2000

I try to spend time with You, worshipping You, praying, reading Your Word, but my flesh calls me in all kinds of different directions, trying to pull me away from that.  I want to sit down and feast upon Your Word, to take time to listen to You and get my heart right before You, but a thousand other things come to mind that seem urgent to do.  My wayward heart and wayward mind log to jump at the slightest excuse of escaping the discipline of a life committed to You and You alone; Lord, hold me steadfast, held me to devote time to reading Your Word as my daily bread, devote time to praying and communing with You.  I realize that I have fallen back in my prayer life; I am not as close to You as I once felt to be.  You are not on my mind as much, as I have not taken the time and effort to focus on You and Your plan for me; as a result sin, laziness, things that break my pursuit of discipline, and a lackadaisical attitude about ministry have come easier.  Lord, take my heart, my mind, my soul, and everything I am; hold me and mold me back into Your image.  Send Your Spirit upon me in power; strengthen me that I may live for You, that I may apply all that Youā€™ve taught me, that I may live a disciplined life of devotion to You.  For You are all that really maters to me, or You should be; I know that no other pursuit in this life will be worthwhile, but that pursuing You and Your holiness and Your call and Your voice will be infinitely worthwhile.  It will delight my soul, yes; I could have the confidence of knowing Iā€™ve given all to You and that Youā€™re using me for Your grater purposes.  I could be much further on in this pursuit of holiness that Iā€™m on; I could be much more used to communing with You, much more adept of discerning Your voice and Your Spirit at work.  Your presence in my life can bring all these things; itā€™s just by Your grace that Iā€™ve attained what I already have, I now help me to strive with Your strength towards whatever You may have for me.  I still am in search of vision and direction, for this year and the rest of my life; but I havenā€™t been seeking Your will, I havenā€™t been listening very much.  Help me to, Lord.  You are already answering my prayers; even as I speak them You hear them and are filling me with Your Spirit, for this is a request that You will always give.  You long to pour Your Spirit upon me; You long for me to be holy, to live for You, to seek You through every trial.  You long to be my guide, hold my hand and teach me.  You want me to get it right.  Lord, Iā€™m sorry for not seeking You, for ignoring You ā€“ take my hand, Lord, and lead me.  Once again Iā€™m Yours; though I had taken the reins of my life and tried to steer into a canyon, Iā€™m Yours once again.  I place my life in Your hands.  I know this is easier to say than do, but with Your strength it is possible if not already done.  Lord, You are worthy of so much praise, of everything that I have and everything that is within me.  Help me to use it al to bring glory to You and You alone.  I love the way Your grace covers me, the way You keep welcoming me back regardless of how much I wander, the way You give Your Spirit freely and transform me.  You answer prayers, You are good and loving beyond what any words could describe.  Everything Youā€™ve said and promised is true and will be true; every promise Youā€™ve made You will keep and follow through on.  Youā€™ve promised to be forever faithful, to love to the extreme; You proved the extent of Your love by dying on the cross, and You prove Your faithfulness every day, every moment.  You would have died for me had I been the only one; what love!  Youā€™re by my side always; Youā€™ve paid the price for me so that I can be in Your presence always.  What an amazing gift!  How can I take it for granted?  Why, Lord?  Youā€™re ever faithful; I want to praise You, Father, Jesus, Holy Spirit, for the rest of my life, with all my strength and all that I am.

My heart finds rest in God alone; find rest, oh my soul, in Him.  Lord, You are rest for the weary; I run to You and lay myself before You; help me to trust in You and to find rest in You.  For in the past, every time I come before You, You bring rest to my soul, in ways I cannot describe.  This is what I need ā€“ I need to rest in You.  When worries and struggles drag me down, and cause my soul to be weary and downcast, I need to rest in You, to cast all that I am, and all the burdens that weigh me down, upon You.  Lighten my soul, Lord; fill me with joy, that I may live passionately and joyfully for You, and peace, that I may not worry but trust in You through every situation, every circumstance.

Lord, my soul thirsts for You, my body longs for You, in a dry and weary land where there is no water.  Nothing here can quench my thirst, can relieve my burdens, can give peace to my mind and my soul.  But I will earnestly seek You; help me to earnestly seek You, Lord God, who was faithful to Israel even though she was unfaithful as Gomer was unfaithful.  And still, those who sought Your face in the Old Testament were met by You; You heard them, You heard the cry of the oppressed.  Those who seek You find You; even quick desperate prayers are answered.  You are my God, and I long to be met fully by You.  ā€˜I have seen You in the sanctuary and beheld Your power and Your glory.  Because Your love is better than life my lips will glorify You.  I will praise You as long as I live, and in Your name I will lift my hands.  My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods; with singing lips my mouth will praise You.  On my bed I remember You; I think of You through the watches of the night.  Because You are my help, I sing in the shadow of Your wings.  My soul clings to You; Your right hand upholds me.ā€™ (Psalm 63)   Lord, these are the desires of my heart.  Your Word delights me as with the richest of foods.

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Summer Quarter, 2000

Though the heather may wither and die
The flowers blooming or not
Your will stands firm in the midst of it all
The one constant thing Iā€™ve got

Lord, if you bring her into my life soon, may she inspire me to write songs of joy, songs of praise to You.  May I worship You with my whole life now, and then.  My hope for her may grow dim; the charcoal of my hopes have been momentarily sparked, but without fuel it will wax faint again.  My hope is just in an ideal, in the persona that Iā€™ve seen in movies and the like; perhaps You have given me this desire, but perhaps it is just getting in the way of my serving You wholeheartedly.  I will live for You, I will sing praises to Your holy name, I will speak with joy of Your love, Jesus; regardless of the circumstances I will give You praise.  Though my emotions and desires may come and go, though I may at times be happy, joyful, full of longings, or mourning; though I may be rich or poor, in want or in plenty, enjoying everything in life or enduring suffering, I want to do Your will, serve You fully, sing Your praises, and be steadfast to You, seeking Your face with all that I am.  Lord, keep me close to Your side; hold me, and keep me from wandering.  Though Iā€™m prone to wander, hold me close to You; with Your hand protect me, with Your chain of love bind me to You, with Your goads spur me on.  Lead me, Lord, and donā€™t let me fall away from You in action, word, thought, desire, or attitude.  May my desires become Your desires, oh God of infinite wisdom and kindness.

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Summer Quarter, 2000

Lord, I think Iā€™ve realized there are a lot of character issues I may need to work on.  Frustration and bitterness have been seeping up lately; cure me of this, and help me to have a godly mind and attitude, one that reflects Your love and bring You glory.  I settle for less than Your perfection often; I donā€™t seek You as often as I should, which is always; I havenā€™t been reading Your Word very much, not studying or meditation; I have been lazy, letting lethargy seep the small amounts of discipline I once had; Iā€™ve come to see hypocrisy in myself, and while not accepting it as right, and while Iā€™ve tried to rectify this, I have gone on leading others in worship and doing religious things, in a way pretending things were alright.  I have wanted to worship You without necessarily dealing with these issues in my life; You have set the right desires in my heart, to worship and serve You, to bring You glory, but my pride and selfishness have gotten in the way of this.  I want an instant cure from all sin, from all my imperfections; but I realize that it probably will take the rest of my life before they are all cured.  I know I shouldnā€™t accept them; but it will take time and confession and discipline to be fully healed.  But I know that You have the power to totally turn me upside down, to heal and transform me.  I want to rest in Your power, in Your strength, in Your refining hand; heal me as You will, oh Lord, my Healer.  Refine me in Your timing; make me receptive to what You want me to work on now, and help me to remember that itā€™s Your strength allowing me to work on anything and to grow at all.  I want to grow, and somehow my striving for growth and holiness should be done with Your strength.  Lord, teach me to rely on Your strength, to rely on Your almighty power, and not my own weak will.


In light of the grace Iā€™ve been shown,
How can I be too proud to take up the ministry of the towel?


Whose purpose am I living for; that is, for whose glory, whose benefit am I seeking?  Mine, other people, or Yours, Lord?  Perhaps naturally we are unable of acting purely unselfishly; even every good act will have at least a trace of selfish motives. If I save someone drowning in the ocean, at least part of my motivation may be selfish, in that I want the sense of accomplishment or fame that such an action would merit.  So maybe we cannot be purely unselfish in our actions.  But with Your Spirit dwelling in me, oh God, with You changing my life and my motives, do my actions become such that they seek Your good and not my own?  Some Christian hedonists would perhaps disagree with this; but is that an accurate description of what happens, when You turn lives around?  You make us able to live without selfish motives; we can live to glorify You, to seek Your good and Your purposes, rather than our own.  Perhaps we wonā€™t be perfect in this way in this life, but You working through us can accomplish this.  Your purposes will involve serving and reaching others, so this will be manifested towards others; and even ourselves, probably, for You care for all.  But my will could be bent towards serving You regardless of whether or not it benefits me.

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Summer Quarter, 2000

If I give my life, if I lay it down,
Can you turn this life around?
Can I be made clean by this offering of my soul?
Can I be made whole again?
-- Jennifer Knapp

Can You make me whole again, oh Lord?  By the offering that was Yours upon the cross, can I be made clean?  Can You turn me around, use me, bring me on into the wondrous reaches of Your grace and the life You have for me?  Lord, there have been times in my life where Youā€™ve burned through my cold heart with Your refining fire, Youā€™ve stormed in upon my castle of isolation and sinfulness, Youā€™ve warmed my heart with Your presence.  My prayer now is that You would do this once again.  Maybe You are all the time; but melt the fears within me, calm me and overwhelm me with Your presence.  I will have faith and try to obey You regardless, but reveal Yourself to me and draw me close to You.  Reconcile me to Yourself, oh Lord God, Jesus, Holy Spirit.

ā€œIā€™m weak, Iā€˜m poor,
Iā€™m broken, Lord, but Iā€™m Yours
Hold me nowā€

Uzziah was a king of Judah who seeked the Lord for awhile, and the Lord blessed him richly and he was successful as a result.  But eventually, when he became powerful, ā€˜pride got a hold of himā€™, and this led to his downfall.  How fitting that he went into the temple of the Lord to burn incense, which only priests, descended from Aaron, were to do; his pride and arrogance led him to thinking he was an exception to the rule which he surely knew so well.  God struck him with leprosy while he was about to burn the incense; and as a result he was quarantined, kept separate from most people as well as from the temple of the Lord.  Surely there was a reason for this, for his disease kept him from being able to enter the temple; in the same way, pride can keep us from coming into the presence of the Lord.  For the proud cannot stand in His presence; Your presence, oh Lord, is like a fire, and the proud cannot be in Your presence.  You reserve that for the poor and humble; if we humble ourselves, then we can be in Your very presence because of Your sacrifice on the cross.  You made the way for us to come into Your very presence ā€“ but still we cannot come proudly before You.  The result for Uzziah was that he was unable to go into the temple.  In light of the grandiose God which You are, in light of Your perfect holiness and justice, in light of Your infinite mercies, in light of the power which is Yours only, what can we do but fall down on our knees before You and cry out ā€˜Father, forgive meā€™ or ā€˜Lord, have mercy.ā€™  Lord, have mercy; may Your grace and Your mercy bring forgiveness to me; bring me healing and restoration, for You are the Healer and Restorer of souls.  I praise You for that, Lord, and all that You really are.  So often I limit my concept of You to what Iā€™ve conceived of You, but I know You are so much more; help me see more of You, and to praise You for all that You really are.

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Summer Quarter, 2000

Suffering reminds me of my need for Thee
I have faith that one day the pain will cease
The wounds will heal, Iā€™ll be well at ease
Not lethargic but in Your healing presence

Lord let this pain awake me from my lethargy
That Iā€™ve clung to like a child his blanket
Let this pain draw me to seek Your face,
And cause me yet to be a testimony of Your grace

Lord, it seems like itā€™s more than I can handle
Strengthen me, oh Lord, my Redeemer
Make me able to serve You boldly
Wholly, with a pure heart

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Summer Quarter, 2000

Lord, I thank You for Your many blessings to me these past few days.  Now I come before You tired and weary.  I must get up early in the morning, with the willows at the crack of dawn, and drive multiple hours only to give up my best source of transportation.  But I can survive, for I trust that Youā€™ll provide all that I need; help me to have an attitude that brings glory to You, so that every area of my life can glorify You and point to Your wonders, to Your love.  Lord, I would love to have a nice guitar of my own so that I could lead worship without having to borrow guitars; I trust that You will provide if and when I need one.  Maybe Youā€™re testing me with this; I want to respond in faith, and praise You regardless of the circumstances.  I rejoice, for I know that You are with me through everything.  You have already assured victory, You have promised in Your infinite faithfulness to see me through to the sanctified end.  Help me, Lord, to bring more areas of my life in line with Your will, to become more holy and set apart for You, to follow Your lead as You call me and as You lead me.  Give me the ears to hear and the will to obey.

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Summer Quarter, 2000

This gospel is to wonderful for me; I donā€™t deserve it.  It is such a sweet sound in the ears of a sinner, but yet it sounds almost unbelievable.  You traded all Your heavenly glory to suffer, shed crimson blood, and sacrifice Yourself, all to be able to forgive me and make a way for me to see the face of the God of all creation and know Him personally.  It sounds too good to be true.  There could not be much better news.  Itā€™s not an easy gospel, of course ā€“ we must follow Him, take up our cross and suffer for Him, identify with His suffering, die to ourselves, and cast away all that we call our own to follow Him.  In fact itā€™s an ultimate price.  But the part that we could never do He did for us; that we should get rid of our own will, surrendered to His, and die to our own nature, is but a blessed relief once itā€™s done.  Though I still struggle against the goads, You are calling me to holiness, to surrender more fully to You.  Instead of trying to resurrect my dead sinful nature, I am to seek Your face.  What blessed relief ā€“ all that You call me to do has an ultimate goal of what Iā€™m really longing for, what I was made for, and what will in the long run be by far the best for me ā€“ growing close to You, at whatever cost to me.  You did Your part and paid whatever cost was necessary, even death on a cross.  Thanks, Lord, for the blessed opportunity that grace provides.

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Summer Quarter, 2000

Itā€™s funny how I think I have so much faith, but when the waves begin to rise, when the winds of troubles blow my direction, my faith is shown to be much more frail than I thought.  It took these tests or struggles for me to see where Iā€™m at, and that I need to trust You, to seek You more often, especially in the midst of difficulties; even in minor issues, the attitude of my heart is key.  The question is as to how I will act when even more struggles come my way.  Will I trust You and have faith, and will I seek You for wisdom?  I will.  Help me to, Lord ā€“ and to be an example of patience in suffering that points people to You.


Iā€™ve gone to walk about to find your face
The land I love doesnā€™t look the same.
You cover me like a blanket in the cold,
And You have given me this hand to hold,
To help me up, cause Iā€™ve fallen.

Itā€™s getting dark and Iā€™m a long way from home,
But I will not spend this night alone
So I will sleep, my eyes to the east,
And wait for the sun to come home.

I feel something like Iā€™m chasing the wind;
I feel like this roads has no end;
But the end is here I know ā€“ so I chase on.


Caught up in my limited perspective, I miss so much.  Open my eyes, Lord, to Your work around me.  I care about my own needs and not the needs of others.  Self-centeredness, especially in the midst of difficulties, is preventing me from serving You more boldly, more passionately, more selflessly, more Christ-like.  Forgive me, Lord, for thinking of my own needs before serving You and before the needs of others; help me to live otherwise.


You showed mercy to us, and continually show mercy in taking Your wrath upon Yourself, with patience offering us life.  In light of this mercy, what can I do but live thankfully, live a changed life for You, do all I can to serve and praise You, telling of Your wondrous mercy all my days.

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Spring Quarter, 2000

ā€œ'The Lord hath done great things for us, whereof we are glad.'ā€”Psalm 126:3
Some Christians are sadly prone to look on the dark side of everything, and to dwell more upon what they have gone through than upon what God has done for them. Ask for their impression of the Christian life, and they will describe their continual conflicts, their deep afflictions, their sad adversities, and the sinfulness of their hearts, yet with scarcely any allusion to the mercy and help which God has vouchsafed them. But a Christian whose soul is in a healthy state, will come forward joyously, and say, 'I will speak, not about myself, but to the honour of my God. He hath brought me up out of an horrible pit, and out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my goings: and He hath put a new song in my mouth, even praise unto our God. The Lord hath done great things for me, whereof I am glad.' Such an abstract of experience as this is the very best that any child of God can present. It is true that we endure trials, but it is just as true that we are delivered out of them. It is true that we have our corruptions, and mournfully do we know this, but it is quite as true that we have an all-sufficient Saviour, who overcomes these corruptions, and delivers us from their dominion. In looking back, it would be wrong to deny that we have been in the Slough of Despond, and have crept along the Valley of Humiliation, but it would be equally wicked to forget that we have been through them safely and profitably; we have not remained in them, thanks to our Almighty Helper and Leader, who has brought us 'out into a wealthy place.' The deeper our troubles, the louder our thanks to God, who has led us through all, and preserved us until now. Our griefs cannot mar the melody of our praise, we reckon them to be the bass part of our life's song, 'He hath done great things for us, whereof we are glad.'ā€  (Spurgeon, 6/9)

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Spring Quarter, 2000

All I have is nothing compared to You
Whatever I have to bring before You
Pales compared to the love that youā€™ve shown
The passion, the suffering youā€™ve known

If I could offer the very stars in return
If I had a world full of spices and myrrh
If every kingdom was mine to give
You would deserve it all, and so much more
Still you would deserve more, so much more

If I could live a perfect life of service to You
If my worth measured more than the sand on the shore
Still that would not be enough to repay you

For you breathed life into my soul
Reached down and made me whole

So I stand and cry out in thankfulness
To You, my Lord and Redeemer

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Spring Quarter, 2000

To lay it all down for you, knowing youā€™d do the same for me


Lord God, I want to experience Your presence, and I walk to walk closely with You.  Help me to, Holy Spirit.  You are so holy, and I could never deserve Your presence; all I would be able to do before You is to fall and die, if it werenā€™t for Your grace shown through Jesus, for through Him I can come into Your very throne room and not be destroyed.  What grace, that allows a sinful, unfaithful person like me into Your very throne room, which is pure and unstained.  Youā€™ve forgiven this prodigal; so cleanse me and purify me.  In Your presence, all pretense disappears ā€“ I fall to my knees before You and cry out for mercy that I know is already there.  You are worthy of my whole life, my all, and so much more.  A thousand sunsets are a faint echo of Your glorious beauty; the whitest snow that falls is dark compared to Your gleaming purity; the most crystal clear sound is a ruckus compared to the music thatā€™s radiated by Your presence.  Lord, my faith is so weak, and yet You are so powerful and capable of all, as well as loving and willing to do whatā€™s best for me.  In light of that, why should I not be strong in faith, for Your almighty strength is worthy of utmost faith.  My heart cries out for something ā€“ some elegiac sentiment that has eluded me.  It seems just on the edge of my senses, almost without reach; but then the next instant it slides out of my grasp.  What is it that Iā€™m longing for, that makes my heart dance at merely brushing by it?  Thereā€™s a stirring within me, but I canā€™t quite place what Iā€™m longing for.  Lord, what is it?  What is it that sets my mind at ease, that ignites my heart with fiery longings?  Is it the island of my youth, the thing that Iā€™ve always been looking for and longing to see squarely, and is this not really what Iā€™m longing for but merely a hint of a greater reality?  Lord, is it Your presence that excites me, that gives me hope, that Iā€™m longing for?  Come fill me, and meet me here, oh beautiful Lord of my longings.

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Spring Quarter, 2000

All the things I have to take pride in, all the things Iā€™ve done that Iā€™m proud of, seem as nothing when I see how I did them wrong.  From talking to the homeless, wishing them well and not meeting their needs, to witnessing to a student and doing just about everything wrong, to everything else I do in life, I realize that my efforts have been poor at best and not much to really put pride in.  But yet You have used me nonetheless; you have taken my frail acts and vainglory attempts at holiness and blessed them regardless.  You have used me for your eternal purposes, and you are teaching me eternal truths, although Iā€™m opting to learn the hard way.  Youā€™re teaching me  to walk a heavenly walk that exemplifies the very incarnation of the living God; what an amazing thing that I all too often take for granted.  When all my toils fade away, when the results of my own efforts are seen to be vain and feeble, Iā€™m forced to fall upon the grace of the one who holds creation in the palm of His hand.  I have to fall back on You, my Lord, for my own efforts have failed me.  The only meaningful things that get accomplished are Your works occurring in and through me.  Lord, thanks for refining me, for having begun the process of purifying me.

Love calls out with sirens voice
Calling me to make a choice
To lose my life in self sacrifice
To prove my love by offering all

Love calls out from the cross
Saying ā€˜See, Iā€™m poured out for the lostā€™
A life surrendered, a will turned over
Pain leading to a life like no other

I claim to know nothing except my Lord
My Lord, and Him crucified
With arms stretched open wide
Showing thereā€™s something worth dying for

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Spring Quarter, 2000

Youā€™re faithful to forgive me every time I turn away
Thereā€™s none like You
I donā€™t deserve You
How can I come into Your presence
Youā€™re faithful to me
You bless me and love me
Even after Iā€™ve been ignoring You
Is this my wake-up call?
To find Your love in the midst of my wanderings
Even after I deserve sharp reprimand
You gently restore me
Bless me with hope, with worship, with Your love
I will seek Your face while Iā€™m distraught
Turn to You, my forgiver, my Lord
Run into Your arms



Lord, itā€™s amazing what a difference a quiet time makes.  If I spend time with You and take time to focus the day, looking to You for strength and guidance, my days usually go profoundly better than days where I immediately rush off to do my own things and forget about what really matters with the day.  Lord, help me to come into Your presence, to accept Your forgiveness, to persistently seek Your will.

Iā€™m Yours, Lord; take every ounce of my being.

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Spring Quarter, 2000

Lord Jesus, Iā€™m convinced that you died and rose again, some two thousand years ago; Iā€™ve tasted and seen your goodness, experienced the risen Christ personally.  Help me to testify of this, to proclaim with my whole life that You are the Lord, that You are God, that You are worthy of being followed.

I realize that so often Iā€™m selfish with my time; Iā€™m so wrapped up in my own life, my own worries, my own advancement, my own survival, that I have no chance to reach out and serve others.  I know that if I trust in You then everything will work out; I just somehow miss the mark as far as my focus goes.  I need to discipline myself, but trust You in the process, not relying on myself, not getting distracted from my main focus in life, which is to serve You.


ā€œYou little know how every pang that shoots through your body may be a refining fire to consume your drossā€”a beam of glory to light up the secret parts of your soul.ā€  (Charles Spurgeon, 4/8)


I want to take hold of the life I want to live, or actually the life you want me to live.  I want to live a life of holiness, of sensitivity to your Spirit, of passion, of taking advantage of opportunities.  Why am I not taking hold of it?  Tiredness, apathy, lack of confidence, and I donā€™t know what else, has kept me from it.  Lord, stir in me, ignite a fire within me, so that I can more fully serve You, praise You, and sing of Your love, with my faith being evidenced by a good life that is pleasing to You.  Grant me the wisdom, Lord, to know how to live, to understand Your gospel and what Youā€™re teaching me, through tough times and good times.  I think these easy times of apathy have actually been a down time for me, since itā€™s caused me to be lackadaisical in my walk with You.  Lord, through whatever circumstances come my way, help me to persevere, to trust You, to seek Your will and Your wisdom.  Bring people into my life to spur me on to this; I want deeper accountability with people, deeper sharing in conversations.  I think thatā€™s one part of life Iā€™m missing out on ā€“ Iā€™m not opening up very often and Iā€™m not experiencing the blessing of listening to others and spurring them on to love and good deeds.  Give me clear opportunities to grow in this way, Lord.  I donā€™t want to have a stagnating faith; I want to be always growing and learning new things about You.  Help me to learn and to open up and share with others.  I need Your Spirit for this and all things, Lord; Iā€™m utterly dependent on You to have a life that is at all satisfying ā€“ so fill me, Lord.  Cleanse me from my unrighteousness, and purify me so; give me a soft heart and mold me, Jesus.

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Spring Quarter, 2000

Trials, sicknesses and struggles usually make me realize
my dependence on You, and restore a pure focus within me.
But, never fail, come clear skies I forget, I close my eyes

So Lord, remind me again and again
Of Your mercies, Your authority
Overwhelm me with a love I cannot forget,
That I cannot help but live for

To die to self is my daily toil
Unmeasured wealth that ends in joy
But in health I lose sight of the source
And forget that Iā€™ve been crucified

I lift my voice in desired praise
I long to feel Your presence, hear Your voice
Iā€™m thirsty for You, but I lap at the mud around me
Youā€™re the ever flowing stream of life
But I drink not, cry for help, and complain of thirst

My frailty is ever at my right hand
My self a house thatā€™s built on sand
Countless times I learn only to forget
Sow only to leave the seed to rot

Whatā€™s holding me back from applying all Iā€™ve learned?
Whatā€™s standing between me and You, my Lord?
Is it myself?  Is it my perceived wealth?  Is it my health?
Whatever it is, remove it, Lord.
Take my will, even my blessings if they are keeping me from You
I donā€™t want to say this but itā€™s all I can do

Strike whatever apathy lies within me
Cut to the source, the root of the problem
Crush my pride, squander my wealth, stifle my dreams
If it will help me to You

For what else matters besides knowing You?
Even my most precious dreams and goals
Are sidewalk chalk in the rain of Your presence

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Spring Quarter, 2000