December 30, 2003

Be manifested in me, oh Lord, in these circumstances, in this flesh. Be manifested and therefore glorified in this body.

"God does not expect us to imitate Jesus Christ; He expects us to allow the life of Jesus to be manifested in our mortal flesh.... The spiritual life of a worker is literally, God manifest in the flesh." -- Oswald Chambers, Approved Unto God


Lord, I need to keep focusing on You, and keep on fellowshiping with You intimately, rather than focusing on my spiritual life and my piety, or even what You are teaching me. Lord, keep my focus on You, that I may continue to see You as glorious, lovely, and captivating.  For all my thoughts, all my heart's desires, all my longings and dreams, can be captivated by Your presence, by even a glimpse into who You are.

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December 11, 2003

Judging

- Moses, and then the leaders, and then the king, were to judge cases for the people

- Matthew 7: 1-2, Luke 6:37: "Do not judge, or you will be judged." (first remove the plank from your own eye, then you'll see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye)

- John 5: 22, 27: "Moreover, the Father judges no one, but has entrusted all judgment to the Son", "And he has given him authority to judge because he is the Son of Man."

- John 8: 15,16: "You judge by human standards; I pass judgment on no one. But if I do judge, my decisions are right, because I am not alone. I stand with the Father, who sent me."

- Acts 10: 42: "He commanded us to preach to the people and to testify that he is the one whom God appointed as judge of the living and the dead."

- Romans 2: 1-3: "You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge the other, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things. Now we know that God's judgment against those who do such things is based on truth. So when you, a mere man, pass judgment on them and yet do the same things, do you think you will escape God's judgment?" (see Romans 2:12)

- Romans 14: 10: "You, then, why do you judge your brother? Or why do you look down on your brother? For we will all stand before God's judgment seat."

- 1 Cor. 10: 29: "For why should my freedom be judged by another's conscience?"

- 1 Cor. 5: 3: "Even though I am not physically present, I am with you in spirit. And I have already passed judgment on the one who did this, just as if I were present."

- 1 Cor. 5: 12: "What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? Are you not to judge those inside? God will judge those outside. "Expel the wicked man from among you.""

- 1 Cor. 6: 2-4: "Do you not know that the saints will judge the world? And if you are to judge the world, are you not competent to judge trivial cases? Do you not know that we will judge angels? How much more the things of this life! Therefore, if you have disputes about such matters, appoint as judges even men of little account in the church!"

- Hebrews 4: 12: For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart."

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September 18, 2003

Lord, give me conviction and passion, strength and fortitude. Give me direction, peace and trust. Let Your presence dwell within me, soaking my being. Let me die to self and be filled with You. Daily, daily I need to die to self and be filled with You. So Lord, come fill me, that I may not listen to the desires, fears and doubts of self, but that I may glory in You, rejoice in Your victory, and sing praise to You with every breath.

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September 15, 2003

Ah, Lord God. I lie here with eyes heavy with weariness, but a soul as light as a morning wind.  I love You, Lord, and I love abiding in You. I love Your word and enjoying fellowship. I love sitting at Your feet and worshipping; I love being still in Your presence, feeling Your presence wash over me. I love this life, but yet part of me yearns for the life to come, the realized glory for which I hope. You have deigned to raise us up with glory, that we may return all our glory to You. As we suffer with Christ, so we will have glory with Christ; Lord, it is this eternal, unspoiled crown that You promise, that will not perish, spoil or fade, for it is based on Your eternal Word. And yet even this crown which endures forever, and which You will give us as our Christ-righteous life receives, we will see fit to cast down before You, the Worthy One, our Redeemer, Master, and Maker.

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September 1, 2003

Oh Lord, Calmer of my heart, Soother of my mind, Restorer of my soul, Purifier of my motives, come calm, soothe, restore, and purify. Fill me with the oil of gladness; let these dry bones dance and rejoice to the tune of Your salvation. Uplift my soul; let me follow hard after You, following Your lead and in turn leading.  Let my lifestyles and all my choices be defined by godliness; let me be 'fine and faithful'.

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August 27, 2003

Your patience with me, Lord, has been with knowledge of what I would become - of how I would begin to beam Christ, to be transformed by Your resurrection power, of how I would be renewed day by day in Your strength. As I have read old writings of mine from throughout the years, I have gained perspective on where I'm at now versus where I've been. I see how the transformation process is taking place - you have used all the passions of youth to bring me onward in Christ. Many of my writings were full of passion, even in crying out with longing for passion. Now my focus is different - I know that hearing You and walking a renewed and regenerated life will lead to the passion that is fulfilling - for ultimately what I was longing for was satisfaction, knowing that my life was meaningful. I wanted to know my life was making a difference, that I wasn't missing out on opportunities. Part of the reason I longed for that is because I was missing out on opportunities.  How satisfying it is to be walking with the Lord!  It is true that God uses such longings to stir us; this seems to have been a years-long stirring. Thanks, Lord, for continuing the process of refining, of teaching me to rely of You every moment, to pray ceaselessly, to love and pursue justice and mercy.


Not only have you welcomed me back, Lord, but you have set me on my feet and caused me to run, even to move into a jog.

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August 17, 2003

1 Thessalonians 4:13 - a passage of comfort for those who mourn those who have fallen asleep (Christians who have died) - focus rather on the hope of Christ's death and resurrection, and the fact that Christ will return, and when He does, the dead will even rise first, as He calls them to Himself prior to the rapture of the church. So let us mourn with hope (not without hope like the rest of the world).  And when a brother or sister is mourning, let us mourn with them (Romans 12:15).  

Lord, teach me Your Scriptures; for I have meditated on them, I have found my delight in Your word, I have loved Your law; and while I have broken the law at times, and I have fallen, I see that my life, yeah, even my lifestyle, is being conformed more and more in line with Your word. Not any glory or credit to myself, but rather the power of God, of Christ in me, of the Holy Spirit which has been 'poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ', and to Him belongs the glory.  Not that I am without sin; but rather I forget what is behind and strive towards what is ahead, considering all a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Him, considering it pure joy when I face trials of many kinds ...
Yes, I consider it joy, and give thanks not 'for' the circumstances but 'in' the circumstances; for through trials I know I am being refined and God is glorified.  My flesh is being mortified - I am learning to count my flesh as dead, even when it seems alive again.  Like the bitter ex girlfriend I can say to my flesh , " I am so over you - you are dead to me".  and I can say to God "live through me!" and I can rejoice as I watch it happening , as I watch God rise up victorious,  riding on this donkey as the children sing "Hosanna! Blessed is He who comes in the name of the Lord! Blessed is the King of Israel!"

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July 20, 2003

We fly through these dry desert lands
Scattered houses poke pictures of promise
Of lifestyles that could be
Is there hope out in this forsaken place
Or is it really so different from the lush cities
I’ve called my home?


I thank You, Lord, for healing me, and for reminding me to trust in You for health, to trust in You for peace of mind and the strength to live such that I’m glorifying You.

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July 14, 2003

Last night the Lord spoke to me – words of comfort, of His presence and work in shaping me through my trials.  Vivid imagery which reminded me of a scene from ‘The Horse and His Boy’ reminded me of the comfort and guidance which the Lion of Judah provides for His people, for His children.  Lord, thanks for reminding me of Your provision; thanks for comforting me, for setting my eyes past my current situations (poison oak, stress getting work done, money and future issues) onto what really matters – Your glory and the work You are doing shaping me to proclaim that.

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June 14, 2003

Passion and purity
"The love life of a Christian is a crucial battleground. There, if nowhere else, it will be determined as to who is Lord: the world, the self and the devil, or the Lord Christ."  (p. 12)

"So long as our idea of surrender is limited to the renouncing of unlawful things, we have never grasped its true meaning: that is not worthy of the name for "no polluted thing can be offered.  The life lost on the Cross was not a sinful one ..." (p. 38 - quote of Lilias Trotter: Parables of the Cross)

"If my life is broken when given to Jesus, it is because pieces will feed a multitude, while a loaf will satisfy only a little lad." (p. 39 - quote by Ruth Stull of Peru (a chapel Speaker))

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May 13, 2003

So much hurting, so much grief
Misplaced anger and bitterness
Anger that should be at oneself for refusing
To stop and really listen

So many scars, can they even be healed
Actually they are open wounds
A scar is a wound that has been healed
See the scars in His hands and feet?

So much pain, anger, bitterness
Father, forgive them for ranting against You
For blaspheming Your name
For claiming that Jesus was merely human

Jesus, You are alive again, proving You are God
You descended to hell, preaching good news to the captives
You opened the way to freedom for all
All who would accept Your name

To be a son in the family of God
Is to be adopted into a position of standing
Knowing an inheritance is coming
And has now begun to be revealed
Claiming the name of Yahweh, forever
Not being married off to another family, another name
But forever claiming You as our God
You say “once you were not a people; now you are my people”
And “once you had not received mercy; now you have received mercy”

How great it is to be in the family of God
To be a son of God
To receive His love, His Son
Intimate fellowship
How great it is to be known by the name of the King
Yahweh, Jehovah, Lord Almighty, Lord of Hosts
The King of Kings and Lord of Lords
Compassionate and righteous
Just and merciful
Loving and holy

I am known by Your name, oh Lord
You are my God, and I am Yours
You are my Father, and I am Your son
The love You have for Jesus is the same love You now have for me
For I am in Christ and Christ in me
And we are hidden with Christ in God

It is your holiness, your righteousness,
Your mercy and love and truth
That I am known by
You have called me Your own

All praise to You, the Lamb of God
Who was slain to take away my sins
To cleanse me and make me whiter than snow
To refine my faith which endures longer than gold or silver
For it is guarded and upheld by the Father

All praise to the Spirit, perfect in holiness
Who sanctifies and makes me holy
Teaching, guiding, rebuking, directing
Interceding in prayer, equipping in power

All praise to the Father, always loving
Always giving good gifts to His children
Disciplining because You love
Chastising and refining me to reflect Your character
Taking me by the hand, leading me like a child
Giving spiritual milk and meat alike
That I may grow up in Your salvation

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April 20, 2003

I see it so often; I thought it was tame
But I come face to face with power and majesty
The ocean waves raging like I didn’t know they could
Perhaps I’d just forgotten

I come before the Lord mighty, glorious, majestic
But do I get wet
Bask in His presence, and actually receive
Or do I just glance from afar
And continue on my way

Tonight I have gotten wet

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April 9, 2003

Lord, the sunset is so beautiful – my eyes radiant with glory, glowing with passion, I stare across the sea into foreign lands and distant places.  How lovely it is just to sit and gaze at the gentle sky awash in colors, at the waves pouring in across the rocks, the mountain’s sealine silhouette.  Peace washes over my soul as I cast my worries into the sea of Your love, and I am reminded of the very presence of God dwelling with me in power, waiting to wash over all my actions to reach a world that so greatly needs to see the holy God, the triune whole Being whose glory shall be proclaimed forevermore.  

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March 28, 2003

Lord, let me desire good things
Let me thirst for You
For how can You satisfy
When I desire things not of You


Lord, I go through trials
I go through pain
This is not what I planned
But yet, I will sing alleluia to my Lord

I will lift all my sorrows up to Him
I will lift all my trials up to Him
I will leave all the answers up to Him
I will sing alleluia to my Lord

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March 3, 2003

Lord, I thank you for bringing some work opportunities – I pray that You would continue to provide all that I need.  Provide opportunities in which I can work hard and glorify You by working hard; doing something I enjoy would be a side benefit.  Father, thanks for always providing, always leading, always speaking.  I’m sorry I’ve been so slow to hear, so slow to open my eyes and see Your lead, so slow to open my hands and receive.  Lord, let these hands write; let words of truth and passion flow forth.  Let these lips sing; let songs of Beauty spring out.  All praise to You my God, the One who is worthy.  Where else could I go?  For You have the words of eternal life.  And only You satisfy.  Jesus, I praise You, my passion and my all. Your love is like a banqueting table; I can come and eat my fill, until I am overflowing.  And then I can eat again.

“I see dead people.”  It seems like the closer we walk with God, the more we see people the way He sees them.

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February 23, 2003

Lord, let me teach, encourage, and govern diligently (Romans 12:7-8), as I offer my body as a living sacrifice to You and am transformed by the renewing of my mind.  Lord, renew my mind, that I may know Your good, pleasing, and perfect will.  Let me hate what is evil and cling to what is good, taking actions to keep my spiritual fervor alive, taking actions to be always joyful in hope, patient in affliction, and faithful in prayer.  Lord, let me truly be faithful in prayer, crying out to You with all my thoughts and worries, bringing all my concerns before You, living a life disciplined by Your Spirit, and of spending time listening at Your feet, worshipping at Your throne, confessing my weakness and being filled with Your Strength.

I would like to make a list of all the controversial, non-salvation issues that I have wrestled with, such as God’s ultimate purpose (His glory or His love for us), Christian Hedonism, what would (or will) Jesus do, being full to the overflowing with the Holy Spirit as an attainable level higher than the Christianity that many experience and struggle with (where the gospel of ‘Christ in you’ is proved true), and Christian perfection.

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January 27, 2003

Lord, here I am to cry out to You, lay myself before You and prayerfully hear from You.  I want to live my life in confidence, knowing that Your Spirit is within me and that You’ve given me wisdom to bless others, and the ability to really live for You and make a difference in those You bring across my path.  I have been given all that I need to live a godly life, one that is glorifying to You and is used by You for Your purposes – the strength, knowledge, wisdom, and understanding of the Holy Spirit.  I have no understanding on my own – only what You make me understand and reveal to me.  Lord, thanks for Your mercy, by which I am still Your child, still being prepared for good works, still being sanctified by Your Spirit.

Lord, I really don’t want to give up this dream, but I will lay it down if You call me to, Lord.  My heart fears that maybe I’m seeing it slip away off my fingertips; it is sidling towards the ledge.  Lord, will You pick it up and hand it to me in Your grace, or will it fall?  Or has it already and I’m just grasping at a phantasm of what once was?

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January 16, 2003

Bring me back, Lord, to the place where I am studying Your word and meditating on it day and night – to the place where I am truly fellowshipping with You throughout the day, to where I feel in touch with You, to where I hear Your guiding voice.  “I want to know Christ and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in His sufferings, becoming like Him in His death, and so, somehow, to attain resurrection from the dead.” (Philippians 3:10-11)  

“Not that I have already attained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.  Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it.  But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” (v. 12-14)

One thing I have taken hold of: forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead.  What is in the past is in the past; it cannot separate me from God, nor remove the Holy Spirit from my life.  I am no longer a slave to sin, but to righteousness – a slave to Christ.  The old life has been crucified within me, indeed; the life of Christ has been born within me, as He is renewing my mind day by day, in knowledge in the image of its Creator.  In Christ are all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge; He is my strength and my motivation to speak, work, and love.

“Not that I have obtained all this…”  ‘All this’ seems to refer to considering everything that was to Paul’s gain as rubbish.  Perhaps it is an ongoing struggle to surrender every part of his life, but what he does do is make the daily choice to leave the past behind and press on towards the goal, with Christ as his strength.  So Lord, today I will make the choice to “count all that is to my gain as loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing You”, to accept that You’ve forgiven me and to take hold of the life You are calling me to live as I press on heavenwards.

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January 13, 2003

The bright blue waters stretch out before me, as I gaze through our windows into the ocean scene.  The sunlight skies and cheery brightness of the day reveals a much broader horizon that what I’ve been living in inside this bubble of selfish motivations and desires.

I open my eyes to the big blue skies
The seas stretched far and wide
This love that I feel so deep inside
Rejoices that my flesh has died

Yes, all within me (all that is good)
Rejoices that I am dead to my old self
That I now live to the Spirit of God
Rather than for the flesh
I am a slave to righteousness, so longer a slave to sin
Hallelujah

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