Fall Quarter, 2000

Lord, I haven’t written for awhile, and maybe I’m distant from You.  I want to be walking closely with You and be listening to You as You speak to me.  Your gospel is a gospel of peace, and I know that this burden in my heart is unnecessary, for You can take our pains and make them Your own.  I want to cast this burden upon You, my Lord, and have joy renewed within me.  Maybe I should rejoice even through this situation, for it is causing me to cry out to You, question my motives and ideals in life, and is challenging me.  Lord, teach me as Your will, but with Your strength, strengthen me to be able to live wholly for You so that I don’t have to learn the hard way.  You will teach me through my wrong decisions and failures to seek and listen to You; I know that.  But You want me to seek You, to listen to You, and to respond faithfully, and not to do wrong.  You want me to walk in step with Your Spirit.  So what is stopping me?  Emotions have perhaps turned my heart astray, and caused me to lose sight of reason and maybe caused me to ignore Your prompting.  But even this can be used for good.  Lord, work through this situation; help me to be content with whatever happens.  Help me to love and serve You by loving and serving others, regardless of what happens.  Lord, I don’t know if she’s the one for me; I don’t know is she’s best for me or if I am for her.  I don’t know if entering a relationship would be ignoring the answer I haven’t wanted to hear, or compromising a standard I should hold firmly to, or missing the point of a situation which could be used for good in other ways.  I know that I’ll learn, and that ultimately You’ll be glorified; I know that I’ll be refined and ultimately made holy, just as You see me as holy now because of Jesus’ perfect life sacrificed on the cross.  I know that all things will work out for my good if I love You; I know that You hold all things in Your hands, and that You’ve known this would happen all along.  You know what will happen and how You’ll work my bad into Your good.  Help me to be faithful.  Nothing happens without Your knowledge; nothing is too great for You to forgive.  You loved me enough to give Your life for me; You love me enough still to provide faithfully for me, to give me life and lead me through this life as I pursue You.   This should give me infinite comfort; Lord, help these truths to really sink in to my heart, that I may find peace, and rest in You.  My troubled mind, my weary soul, cries out for You; come and meet me, Lord.  Prepare my heart to worship You tonight; give me the strength and knowledge to live my whole life as a sacrifice of worship to You, my Lord of infinite worth.  Jesus, You are Lord; take every area of my life, every corner of my mind, every area of my heart, and change it, refine it, and use it for good.

Edit

Fall Quarter, 2000

D                   G
You are the Lord of heaven and earth
So now regardless of how I feel, I will lift my voice to You
You’ve given me life, You’ve given me worth
I will praise You for who You are


Oh Lord, I come before You in the morning with eyes lifted up and ears straining to hear.  Although I’m tired and part of me wants nothing more than what this tired world offers, I want to hear You, to lift my cry up to You in the morning, singing of Your love in the morning and Your faithfulness at night.  Lord, speak to me and reveal Your will to me.  I am confused and unsure about what to do; Lord, I need Your Spirit to fill me with wisdom and discernment.  Take away whatever resistance I have to hearing and following You; remove whatever distraction is preventing me from hearing You.  Attune my spirit to Your divine tune of grace; change me and make me able to listen and respond faithfully.  I know the answer I’ve been wanting to hear; have I been hearing an affirmative answer or am I ignoring the answer I don’t want to hear?

Edit

Fall Quarter, 2000

Lord of heaven and earth, I want to bring You praise and glory in all that I do, with all that I am.  With my whole heart I want to serve You, for You loved me with Your whole life, laying Your life down and offering it to me.  You were broken so that I might be made whole; You have been making me whole and have given Your life to me, given me Your resurrected life.  You laid down everything, even heavenly glory and adoration, sacrificing Yourself on the cross for those who had turned away from You.  How can I not in response lay down my life for You and live it as an offering to You?  You promise Your Holy Spirit to change me, teach me and guide me; You have been doing so in me.  Spirit, help me to allow Your power to work in and through me; come and fill me up, and teach me how to pray, how to live, how to depend on You, how to love with Your love.

Edit

Fall Quarter, 2000

Stir my restless heart to sing a song of praise
To live for You with all I have, for all my days
Incite a song of thankfulness upon my lips
May Your words spoken to me cease to be elusive
As I sing them

Your love, oh Lord, is beyond all I can comprehend
Your goodness is without end
Your gospel is worthy of anything
Worthy of all I have to bring

For You’ve taken my heart
Shaped and formed me
And You’ve taken me apart
Begun to transform me

Edit

Fall Quarter, 2000

As surely as the stars are in the heavens, so You created everything and are worthy of praise.  My heart cries out and longs to thank You; and while I could never repay what You’ve done for me, I want to sing Your praise all the days of my life.  I want to lose my life, to lay everything down and use what You give me to bring you glory.  Lord, despite my own selfish ambitions, work in and through me.  Work in Jamie’s heart, Lord; draw him to You in Your timing.  Close in, oh hound of heaven, and bring this prodigal home into Your peace.  Lord, You know him and You know where he’s at, much more than I do or even he does.  I lift him up to You in prayer; may Your will be done in his life.  Reveal to me any ways that I need to live as an example for him or words that I need to speak to him; may I be an example of Your love and a vessel which faithfully communicates the hope within me.  Lord, meet Matt where he’s at; whatever he needs right now, Lord, bring it to him.  Send Your Spirit upon him that he may find peace and comfort and rest in You.  Help me to love him with Your love, to be there for him when he needs it.  Use me and others around here to comfort him when he’s distressed, to spur him on towards You.  For You are calling us to a higher life, one that rests on You, depends on You alone, one in which we’re continually filled with Your strength and Your peace.  We need to spend time with You to receive this strength and this peace; if we lack it, it is probably not because You aren’t offering it, but because we aren’t receiving it.  Our hands are so clenched on our own desires, hopes and dreams, and our faith so firmly rooted in our own strength that we cannot grasp the full life which You offer us; once we realize the futility of our own dreams and the end of our own strength, then we will be able to fully take hold of Your strength and allow our dreams to be conformed to Your plans for our lives.  Lord, may this be so in my life and in those of everyone around here.  Father, I also lift up Rob to You; he is in need of Your strength, Your peace, and a passion from You.  Overwhelm him with Your love, Lord; come upon him in power, that he may know Your goodness and receive Your love.  Your love is offered unconditionally; may we receive it and live accordingly, inspired by You and in awe of Your great love.  For Your gospel is something that is true independently of what we think or how we try to live for it; use us, Lord, to communicate this to the world so desperately in need of this saving draught.

Edit

Fall Quarter, 2000

Lord, come what may, help me to love You, praise You and serve You, for You are the source of everything good in my life.  Through trials, struggles, ad sicknesses, I want to glorify You.  Strengthen me, Lord, for I am in need of Your perfect strength to come and fill me up.

It’s hard to trust that it will work out, when I have so many doubts.  Maybe that’s a sign that it’s not the right time now, that I need to wait and seek You some more.  Lord, help me to seek You; meet me in my distress, comfort me, give me peace and the wisdom to do what is right.

I come before You empty, but I know I will not leave dry
For You’ve met me every time before

Edit

Fall Quarter, 2000

It is good to be out here with You, Lord, to take a break from everything else, come into the quiet and enjoy the stillness of Your creation.  Slight ripples cascade gently through the creek below me; the small suspension bridge which supports me allows my feet to dangle carefree above the water.  Lord, with the sound of birds and the wind blowing through the trees, come and meet me here.  Speak to me, Lord; help me to be still and listen for You.  I need guidance, direction, and inspiration; reveal Yourself to me, that I may know Your will.

Lord, I’m concerned with my own welfare, my own hopes and dreams, selfish ambition, and desire for a relationship.  But You, Jesus, who are in very nature God, humbled Yourself, became nothing, surrendered Yourself to the Father’s will, and served, even submitting to death.  Why is it that I, a creation of God, who has fallen and turned away time and again, have more pride than the Son of God?  Why do I put my desires before the needs of others?  What would it look like in my life if I truly became a servant, serving all in selfless love?  What would that look like if all the Christians here did the same?  This place would be shaken up, for that is radically different than the normal ways of this world.

Edit

Fall Quarter, 2000

Lord, may the fire within me be rekindled, and may I shine brightly with Your love.  As expectations I’ve had will probably be let down, I come back to You.  If only I wouldn’t put so much hope in having them fulfilled; maybe this hope is from You, but I think it but distracts me from living for You, from living.  Lord, lighten my soul, that I may praise You.  Make Your love evident in my life, that I may give You thanks and praise, pointing to You as the source of such goodness.  I know that I don’t deserve it; while such fulfillment would be amazing and would probably spur me on to give You thanks and to be in awe of what You can do in my life, I still can love You, praise You, and be content in any and every circumstance through Your strength revealed in me.  All such things are possible, for it is Your strength which makes me able to be joyful even when things don’t go my way.  It is Your strength which causes me to have peace even when all around is crumbling.  It is Your strength that allows me to sing even when every desire of my own has been disappointed.  When all my hopes and dreams crash, when everything I’ve hoped for slides out of reach, I’m left standing with Your grace supporting me, Your beautiful creation smiling upon me, Your strength waiting to be shared.  You long to welcome me back into total dependence on You, my God, to guide me on to a holy life of pursuing You, pursuing others for You, surrendering my dreams and pursuing Your will.  Lord, take these dreams from me, that I may not depend on them too much; even if You call me to be single my whole life, help me to rest knowing that Your will is being done, that things will ultimately work for my best if I love You with my life.

Edit

Fall Quarter, 2000

In Decapolis the man was brought
To the Healer
But You burst in upon His deafness

I have heard Your voice
But in the midst of my own newfound words
I miss Your still, small voice
Calling me still

I have a jealous heart
Which quakes at the slightest cause
How You must be jealous
When I, for whom You poured out Your life
Look to other lovers, to worldly desires

I recognize a problem
Try to write a song about it
Without really fixing it


Lord, I cry out in desperation to You.  For I realize how wretched I am, how much in need of a Savior I still am.  Even after much refining and many, many years of ‘commitment’ to You, I still have many flaws and shortcomings.  You have done much in my life, and for this I give You praise.  But You know my inner being, and everything I truly am.  All I can do is submit to Your refining, and seek to obey with strength that only You can give.  When my strength has run out, then I’m forced to depend on Yours.  It’s in my weakness that Your strength, Your power is made known.  For if You can take me, who obviously have many problems and who can’t squelch my own pride over trivial matters and gifts from You, and if You can use me still, it is for Your glory.  You alone could change me, could so completely turn me around from my natural desires, transplant Your will and desires into me as I seek to surrender my own.  That’s part of what this is all about – I’m struggling to surrender my dreams fully to You.  I have committed them to You in word, but new dreams, pride, and hopes pop up to prevent me from fully living for You.  Lord, take everything that I am, every dream, every desire, every thought; refine everything that I am, even if I try to cling to it.  Help me to cling only to You, my lifeline in a world of temptations and pitfalls.  Take my life when I don’t have the strength to give it away to You.  

Edit

Fall Quarter, 2000

Lord, I know that in You is fulfillment, in You is the answer to all my worries.  Although I haven’t been seeking Your will as much as I should, I know that my wandering heart should find rest in You and You alone.  ‘My dreams are not the issue here, for Thee the Hammer holds.’  I have longings and dreams; I want things to go a certain way.  I wish that some things had gone differently than they have; in some ways I cry out not to repeat my mistakes while making them again.  But my dreams are not the issue – You, oh Lord of heaven and earth, are the real issue, and my relationship and standing with You should be of ultimate and utmost importance to me.  What matters is not my dreams or my goals, but Yours; Your plan for me, Your infinite picture, Your subtle and mighty works are infinitely greater than what I could ever get from my small human perspective.  Shed Your Spirit upon me, that I may gain Your perspective, Your goals, Your will, and a knowledge that You are doing something much bigger in my life and all around me.  All I could ever do or dream  pales compared to Your plan and what Your might can accomplish.  Spirit, blow through this place like the wind.  Enrapture me with Your presence; overwhelm me and awaken me from my lethargy.  Thrust me into the ministry which You would have me do, Your works that by Your awesome grace You make me able to take part in.  Lord, help relationship worries not to come before this goal; make my heart and mind focused and content so that I can serve You without being distracted by my wayward heart.  For my heart is wayward; although perhaps not now swayed by lust or pride, my dreams are perhaps preventing me from fully serving You.  As I’ve sung to You so many times, I now give my dreams over to You; take everything I hope for and refine my desires.  Let ‘every other hope and dream be lost inside of this one thing: to know the One who died for me and to live my live for Jesus Christ.’  Let my hopes and dreams be crucified, be a fragrant offering to You who are worthy of all and so much more.  I’ve gotten to where I really hope for a relationship and for it to happen before too long.  Now I want to recommit myself to You, that come what may, I will love and serve and praise You; even if You call me to be single my whole life, I will do the same.  I want to prove that You mean more to me than this or any desire for a relationship.  I have no strength to follow through with such a commitment save the strength that I find in You; and You’ve promised to fill me with all the strength I need to be content in any and every circumstance.  So take me now; bring me back to You.  Tear my focus back away from the cares of this world and entrance me, that I may focus on You.  Although a relationship can be a good thing, and maybe You’ve created me with longings for such a relationship that You will someday satisfy, I want to sacrifice my desire for this to You.  As painful as this may be, make it so, Lord.  For if my heart is wandering now, what makes me think it’ll be any different when I’m married or in a relationship?  If I’m not finding contentment and peace of mind now, when Your almighty strength is at hand, then a relationship will not be the cure-all.  I have Your strength and all Your infinite resources to help me be content now; I need to learn to be content now, where I’m at.  I have in You all I need; help me to take hold of it.  But Lord, if these desires do come from You, as I hope someday they will, then may I act appropriately and in such a fashion as the humblest of Your slaves.  Help me to love female friends with Your love, to be a shining and glowing example of You to them, through my actions and words, as well as my thoughts and attitudes.

Edit

Fall Quarter, 2000

I lift my eyes up to Thee
I have tried to do it on my own
But my weakness reminds me
Of my need for Thee.

I come longing for Your peace
For Your joy to flow through me
I come longing for Your power
To come upon me this hour
Are my sights and expectations too high
Or are they much, much too low?


I will trust in You, Lord, and wait for Your timing.  I realize now that many girls that I may have considered are probably not the one; but I have been spending time learning what to look for and why some qualities are essential.  Why worry when the Infinite is on my side?  You have my whole future mapped out.  There is nothing I will ever do that will surprise You; I can choose to seek You and follow You, or to ignore You, at each step.  But Your will will eventually win out over mine; eventually my will will be fully conformed to Yours, and Your purpose for me will be fulfilled.  There will come a time when all worries will disappear, when doubts, fears and questions will be stifled, and I will be able to simply praise You for who You are.  For You Yourself are the answer, You bring the proud and the humble to their knees, Your call beggars, outcasts and saints alike to Your side.  

Edit

I Run To You
Fall Quarter, 2000

G           D             Em7    C9                   D
Lord, I come before You, in need of Your grace;
           G        D   Em7    C9                        D
With heavy load I come, in need of Your love.
Am         Em7           D        G          D/F#      Em7
In my distress I call out to You, the Holy, unfailing One,
Am                D
And I run to You.

Chorus:
G                        D                                  Em7
I run into Your arms, and find Your embrace,
                                  Cm                                   G
Your Spirit falls like rain, to wash the stains away.
                               D                           Em7
Although I have fallen time and time again,
                        Cm                            G
Still you stand firm, faithful to the end;


Lord, I come before You, and bow at Your feet,
Humbly I seek You, I’m down on my knees.
I know that I am forgiven, but still my heart just cries for something,
So I run to You.

Edit

Fall Quarter, 2000

Lord, You are the Comforter of hearts, the Savior of souls, the hope we can hold on to.  You gave Your life so that we could know You; You shed Your blood so that we could have peace with God.  May he know Your peace, Lord; meet him in his distress.  Holy Spirit, come upon him, convict him, and draw him to You, to the point where he will bow down before You and confess his need for You.  Lord, You are at work; that much I know.  Give him peace of mind, unless it will keep him from turning to You the real Comforter; may these times help him to truly see his need for You.  Lord, may I be a vessel through which You speak; may my lifestyle, my attitudes, my words be Yours, and may they glorify You.  Lord, bring up conversation or whatever he needs.  You know what he needs; use me as You will in fulfilling them.

Edit

Summer Quarter, 2000

What really matters in life?  You, Lord, make life truly meaningful – You give something worth living for.  To make this possible You proved I was worth dying for, by laying down Your life.  What can the proper response to this be but laying my life down to You, submitting to You and Your eternal will for my life?  You in turn have given me joy, as well as peace, to the extent that I’ve been able to accept it; the more I open my hands the more You give.  The limit of Your grace is not what You’re willing to give, but how much I’m able to receive.  Lord, I give You my heart, my will, my mind, all that I can – help me to give the rest, to be open to Your love, healing and purpose for my life.  You truly make life meaningful and give me something worth living for.  You have satisfied many of my longings, and I have reason to believe that You are the ultimate satisfaction of all the rest.  Lord, I want to serve You, come what may; if it delights You and/or is in Your will to satisfy me and help me to enjoy and worship You, then all the better for me; all the more reason to praise You.  But I want to worship You because of who You are, because You are worthy, regardless of what temporary satisfaction I get as a result; regardless of the situation, I want to praise You and rejoice in You, my God.  I do long for a relationship; if you desire to fulfill that through a relationship with a faithful daughter of Yours, then I believe joy would overwhelm me.  But I must not put too much hope in this; I must not let that cause me to lose sight of my true goal in life, my true fulfillment, the true love of my soul – You, my Lord and my God, my Redeemer, Savior and Shepherd.

Edit

Summer Quarter, 2000

I try to spend time with You, worshipping You, praying, reading Your Word, but my flesh calls me in all kinds of different directions, trying to pull me away from that.  I want to sit down and feast upon Your Word, to take time to listen to You and get my heart right before You, but a thousand other things come to mind that seem urgent to do.  My wayward heart and wayward mind log to jump at the slightest excuse of escaping the discipline of a life committed to You and You alone; Lord, hold me steadfast, held me to devote time to reading Your Word as my daily bread, devote time to praying and communing with You.  I realize that I have fallen back in my prayer life; I am not as close to You as I once felt to be.  You are not on my mind as much, as I have not taken the time and effort to focus on You and Your plan for me; as a result sin, laziness, things that break my pursuit of discipline, and a lackadaisical attitude about ministry have come easier.  Lord, take my heart, my mind, my soul, and everything I am; hold me and mold me back into Your image.  Send Your Spirit upon me in power; strengthen me that I may live for You, that I may apply all that You’ve taught me, that I may live a disciplined life of devotion to You.  For You are all that really maters to me, or You should be; I know that no other pursuit in this life will be worthwhile, but that pursuing You and Your holiness and Your call and Your voice will be infinitely worthwhile.  It will delight my soul, yes; I could have the confidence of knowing I’ve given all to You and that You’re using me for Your grater purposes.  I could be much further on in this pursuit of holiness that I’m on; I could be much more used to communing with You, much more adept of discerning Your voice and Your Spirit at work.  Your presence in my life can bring all these things; it’s just by Your grace that I’ve attained what I already have, I now help me to strive with Your strength towards whatever You may have for me.  I still am in search of vision and direction, for this year and the rest of my life; but I haven’t been seeking Your will, I haven’t been listening very much.  Help me to, Lord.  You are already answering my prayers; even as I speak them You hear them and are filling me with Your Spirit, for this is a request that You will always give.  You long to pour Your Spirit upon me; You long for me to be holy, to live for You, to seek You through every trial.  You long to be my guide, hold my hand and teach me.  You want me to get it right.  Lord, I’m sorry for not seeking You, for ignoring You – take my hand, Lord, and lead me.  Once again I’m Yours; though I had taken the reins of my life and tried to steer into a canyon, I’m Yours once again.  I place my life in Your hands.  I know this is easier to say than do, but with Your strength it is possible if not already done.  Lord, You are worthy of so much praise, of everything that I have and everything that is within me.  Help me to use it al to bring glory to You and You alone.  I love the way Your grace covers me, the way You keep welcoming me back regardless of how much I wander, the way You give Your Spirit freely and transform me.  You answer prayers, You are good and loving beyond what any words could describe.  Everything You’ve said and promised is true and will be true; every promise You’ve made You will keep and follow through on.  You’ve promised to be forever faithful, to love to the extreme; You proved the extent of Your love by dying on the cross, and You prove Your faithfulness every day, every moment.  You would have died for me had I been the only one; what love!  You’re by my side always; You’ve paid the price for me so that I can be in Your presence always.  What an amazing gift!  How can I take it for granted?  Why, Lord?  You’re ever faithful; I want to praise You, Father, Jesus, Holy Spirit, for the rest of my life, with all my strength and all that I am.

My heart finds rest in God alone; find rest, oh my soul, in Him.  Lord, You are rest for the weary; I run to You and lay myself before You; help me to trust in You and to find rest in You.  For in the past, every time I come before You, You bring rest to my soul, in ways I cannot describe.  This is what I need – I need to rest in You.  When worries and struggles drag me down, and cause my soul to be weary and downcast, I need to rest in You, to cast all that I am, and all the burdens that weigh me down, upon You.  Lighten my soul, Lord; fill me with joy, that I may live passionately and joyfully for You, and peace, that I may not worry but trust in You through every situation, every circumstance.

Lord, my soul thirsts for You, my body longs for You, in a dry and weary land where there is no water.  Nothing here can quench my thirst, can relieve my burdens, can give peace to my mind and my soul.  But I will earnestly seek You; help me to earnestly seek You, Lord God, who was faithful to Israel even though she was unfaithful as Gomer was unfaithful.  And still, those who sought Your face in the Old Testament were met by You; You heard them, You heard the cry of the oppressed.  Those who seek You find You; even quick desperate prayers are answered.  You are my God, and I long to be met fully by You.  ‘I have seen You in the sanctuary and beheld Your power and Your glory.  Because Your love is better than life my lips will glorify You.  I will praise You as long as I live, and in Your name I will lift my hands.  My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods; with singing lips my mouth will praise You.  On my bed I remember You; I think of You through the watches of the night.  Because You are my help, I sing in the shadow of Your wings.  My soul clings to You; Your right hand upholds me.’ (Psalm 63)   Lord, these are the desires of my heart.  Your Word delights me as with the richest of foods.

Edit

Summer Quarter, 2000

Though the heather may wither and die
The flowers blooming or not
Your will stands firm in the midst of it all
The one constant thing I’ve got

Lord, if you bring her into my life soon, may she inspire me to write songs of joy, songs of praise to You.  May I worship You with my whole life now, and then.  My hope for her may grow dim; the charcoal of my hopes have been momentarily sparked, but without fuel it will wax faint again.  My hope is just in an ideal, in the persona that I’ve seen in movies and the like; perhaps You have given me this desire, but perhaps it is just getting in the way of my serving You wholeheartedly.  I will live for You, I will sing praises to Your holy name, I will speak with joy of Your love, Jesus; regardless of the circumstances I will give You praise.  Though my emotions and desires may come and go, though I may at times be happy, joyful, full of longings, or mourning; though I may be rich or poor, in want or in plenty, enjoying everything in life or enduring suffering, I want to do Your will, serve You fully, sing Your praises, and be steadfast to You, seeking Your face with all that I am.  Lord, keep me close to Your side; hold me, and keep me from wandering.  Though I’m prone to wander, hold me close to You; with Your hand protect me, with Your chain of love bind me to You, with Your goads spur me on.  Lead me, Lord, and don’t let me fall away from You in action, word, thought, desire, or attitude.  May my desires become Your desires, oh God of infinite wisdom and kindness.

Edit

Summer Quarter, 2000

Lord, I think I’ve realized there are a lot of character issues I may need to work on.  Frustration and bitterness have been seeping up lately; cure me of this, and help me to have a godly mind and attitude, one that reflects Your love and bring You glory.  I settle for less than Your perfection often; I don’t seek You as often as I should, which is always; I haven’t been reading Your Word very much, not studying or meditation; I have been lazy, letting lethargy seep the small amounts of discipline I once had; I’ve come to see hypocrisy in myself, and while not accepting it as right, and while I’ve tried to rectify this, I have gone on leading others in worship and doing religious things, in a way pretending things were alright.  I have wanted to worship You without necessarily dealing with these issues in my life; You have set the right desires in my heart, to worship and serve You, to bring You glory, but my pride and selfishness have gotten in the way of this.  I want an instant cure from all sin, from all my imperfections; but I realize that it probably will take the rest of my life before they are all cured.  I know I shouldn’t accept them; but it will take time and confession and discipline to be fully healed.  But I know that You have the power to totally turn me upside down, to heal and transform me.  I want to rest in Your power, in Your strength, in Your refining hand; heal me as You will, oh Lord, my Healer.  Refine me in Your timing; make me receptive to what You want me to work on now, and help me to remember that it’s Your strength allowing me to work on anything and to grow at all.  I want to grow, and somehow my striving for growth and holiness should be done with Your strength.  Lord, teach me to rely on Your strength, to rely on Your almighty power, and not my own weak will.


In light of the grace I’ve been shown,
How can I be too proud to take up the ministry of the towel?


Whose purpose am I living for; that is, for whose glory, whose benefit am I seeking?  Mine, other people, or Yours, Lord?  Perhaps naturally we are unable of acting purely unselfishly; even every good act will have at least a trace of selfish motives. If I save someone drowning in the ocean, at least part of my motivation may be selfish, in that I want the sense of accomplishment or fame that such an action would merit.  So maybe we cannot be purely unselfish in our actions.  But with Your Spirit dwelling in me, oh God, with You changing my life and my motives, do my actions become such that they seek Your good and not my own?  Some Christian hedonists would perhaps disagree with this; but is that an accurate description of what happens, when You turn lives around?  You make us able to live without selfish motives; we can live to glorify You, to seek Your good and Your purposes, rather than our own.  Perhaps we won’t be perfect in this way in this life, but You working through us can accomplish this.  Your purposes will involve serving and reaching others, so this will be manifested towards others; and even ourselves, probably, for You care for all.  But my will could be bent towards serving You regardless of whether or not it benefits me.

Edit

Summer Quarter, 2000

If I give my life, if I lay it down,
Can you turn this life around?
Can I be made clean by this offering of my soul?
Can I be made whole again?
-- Jennifer Knapp

Can You make me whole again, oh Lord?  By the offering that was Yours upon the cross, can I be made clean?  Can You turn me around, use me, bring me on into the wondrous reaches of Your grace and the life You have for me?  Lord, there have been times in my life where You’ve burned through my cold heart with Your refining fire, You’ve stormed in upon my castle of isolation and sinfulness, You’ve warmed my heart with Your presence.  My prayer now is that You would do this once again.  Maybe You are all the time; but melt the fears within me, calm me and overwhelm me with Your presence.  I will have faith and try to obey You regardless, but reveal Yourself to me and draw me close to You.  Reconcile me to Yourself, oh Lord God, Jesus, Holy Spirit.

“I’m weak, I‘m poor,
I’m broken, Lord, but I’m Yours
Hold me now”

Uzziah was a king of Judah who seeked the Lord for awhile, and the Lord blessed him richly and he was successful as a result.  But eventually, when he became powerful, ‘pride got a hold of him’, and this led to his downfall.  How fitting that he went into the temple of the Lord to burn incense, which only priests, descended from Aaron, were to do; his pride and arrogance led him to thinking he was an exception to the rule which he surely knew so well.  God struck him with leprosy while he was about to burn the incense; and as a result he was quarantined, kept separate from most people as well as from the temple of the Lord.  Surely there was a reason for this, for his disease kept him from being able to enter the temple; in the same way, pride can keep us from coming into the presence of the Lord.  For the proud cannot stand in His presence; Your presence, oh Lord, is like a fire, and the proud cannot be in Your presence.  You reserve that for the poor and humble; if we humble ourselves, then we can be in Your very presence because of Your sacrifice on the cross.  You made the way for us to come into Your very presence – but still we cannot come proudly before You.  The result for Uzziah was that he was unable to go into the temple.  In light of the grandiose God which You are, in light of Your perfect holiness and justice, in light of Your infinite mercies, in light of the power which is Yours only, what can we do but fall down on our knees before You and cry out ‘Father, forgive me’ or ‘Lord, have mercy.’  Lord, have mercy; may Your grace and Your mercy bring forgiveness to me; bring me healing and restoration, for You are the Healer and Restorer of souls.  I praise You for that, Lord, and all that You really are.  So often I limit my concept of You to what I’ve conceived of You, but I know You are so much more; help me see more of You, and to praise You for all that You really are.

Edit

Summer Quarter, 2000

Suffering reminds me of my need for Thee
I have faith that one day the pain will cease
The wounds will heal, I’ll be well at ease
Not lethargic but in Your healing presence

Lord let this pain awake me from my lethargy
That I’ve clung to like a child his blanket
Let this pain draw me to seek Your face,
And cause me yet to be a testimony of Your grace

Lord, it seems like it’s more than I can handle
Strengthen me, oh Lord, my Redeemer
Make me able to serve You boldly
Wholly, with a pure heart

Edit

Summer Quarter, 2000

Lord, I thank You for Your many blessings to me these past few days.  Now I come before You tired and weary.  I must get up early in the morning, with the willows at the crack of dawn, and drive multiple hours only to give up my best source of transportation.  But I can survive, for I trust that You’ll provide all that I need; help me to have an attitude that brings glory to You, so that every area of my life can glorify You and point to Your wonders, to Your love.  Lord, I would love to have a nice guitar of my own so that I could lead worship without having to borrow guitars; I trust that You will provide if and when I need one.  Maybe You’re testing me with this; I want to respond in faith, and praise You regardless of the circumstances.  I rejoice, for I know that You are with me through everything.  You have already assured victory, You have promised in Your infinite faithfulness to see me through to the sanctified end.  Help me, Lord, to bring more areas of my life in line with Your will, to become more holy and set apart for You, to follow Your lead as You call me and as You lead me.  Give me the ears to hear and the will to obey.

Edit

Summer Quarter, 2000

This gospel is to wonderful for me; I don’t deserve it.  It is such a sweet sound in the ears of a sinner, but yet it sounds almost unbelievable.  You traded all Your heavenly glory to suffer, shed crimson blood, and sacrifice Yourself, all to be able to forgive me and make a way for me to see the face of the God of all creation and know Him personally.  It sounds too good to be true.  There could not be much better news.  It’s not an easy gospel, of course – we must follow Him, take up our cross and suffer for Him, identify with His suffering, die to ourselves, and cast away all that we call our own to follow Him.  In fact it’s an ultimate price.  But the part that we could never do He did for us; that we should get rid of our own will, surrendered to His, and die to our own nature, is but a blessed relief once it’s done.  Though I still struggle against the goads, You are calling me to holiness, to surrender more fully to You.  Instead of trying to resurrect my dead sinful nature, I am to seek Your face.  What blessed relief – all that You call me to do has an ultimate goal of what I’m really longing for, what I was made for, and what will in the long run be by far the best for me – growing close to You, at whatever cost to me.  You did Your part and paid whatever cost was necessary, even death on a cross.  Thanks, Lord, for the blessed opportunity that grace provides.

Edit

Summer Quarter, 2000

It’s funny how I think I have so much faith, but when the waves begin to rise, when the winds of troubles blow my direction, my faith is shown to be much more frail than I thought.  It took these tests or struggles for me to see where I’m at, and that I need to trust You, to seek You more often, especially in the midst of difficulties; even in minor issues, the attitude of my heart is key.  The question is as to how I will act when even more struggles come my way.  Will I trust You and have faith, and will I seek You for wisdom?  I will.  Help me to, Lord – and to be an example of patience in suffering that points people to You.


I’ve gone to walk about to find your face
The land I love doesn’t look the same.
You cover me like a blanket in the cold,
And You have given me this hand to hold,
To help me up, cause I’ve fallen.

It’s getting dark and I’m a long way from home,
But I will not spend this night alone
So I will sleep, my eyes to the east,
And wait for the sun to come home.

I feel something like I’m chasing the wind;
I feel like this roads has no end;
But the end is here I know – so I chase on.


Caught up in my limited perspective, I miss so much.  Open my eyes, Lord, to Your work around me.  I care about my own needs and not the needs of others.  Self-centeredness, especially in the midst of difficulties, is preventing me from serving You more boldly, more passionately, more selflessly, more Christ-like.  Forgive me, Lord, for thinking of my own needs before serving You and before the needs of others; help me to live otherwise.


You showed mercy to us, and continually show mercy in taking Your wrath upon Yourself, with patience offering us life.  In light of this mercy, what can I do but live thankfully, live a changed life for You, do all I can to serve and praise You, telling of Your wondrous mercy all my days.

Edit

Spring Quarter, 2000

“'The Lord hath done great things for us, whereof we are glad.'—Psalm 126:3
Some Christians are sadly prone to look on the dark side of everything, and to dwell more upon what they have gone through than upon what God has done for them. Ask for their impression of the Christian life, and they will describe their continual conflicts, their deep afflictions, their sad adversities, and the sinfulness of their hearts, yet with scarcely any allusion to the mercy and help which God has vouchsafed them. But a Christian whose soul is in a healthy state, will come forward joyously, and say, 'I will speak, not about myself, but to the honour of my God. He hath brought me up out of an horrible pit, and out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my goings: and He hath put a new song in my mouth, even praise unto our God. The Lord hath done great things for me, whereof I am glad.' Such an abstract of experience as this is the very best that any child of God can present. It is true that we endure trials, but it is just as true that we are delivered out of them. It is true that we have our corruptions, and mournfully do we know this, but it is quite as true that we have an all-sufficient Saviour, who overcomes these corruptions, and delivers us from their dominion. In looking back, it would be wrong to deny that we have been in the Slough of Despond, and have crept along the Valley of Humiliation, but it would be equally wicked to forget that we have been through them safely and profitably; we have not remained in them, thanks to our Almighty Helper and Leader, who has brought us 'out into a wealthy place.' The deeper our troubles, the louder our thanks to God, who has led us through all, and preserved us until now. Our griefs cannot mar the melody of our praise, we reckon them to be the bass part of our life's song, 'He hath done great things for us, whereof we are glad.'”  (Spurgeon, 6/9)

Edit

Spring Quarter, 2000

All I have is nothing compared to You
Whatever I have to bring before You
Pales compared to the love that you’ve shown
The passion, the suffering you’ve known

If I could offer the very stars in return
If I had a world full of spices and myrrh
If every kingdom was mine to give
You would deserve it all, and so much more
Still you would deserve more, so much more

If I could live a perfect life of service to You
If my worth measured more than the sand on the shore
Still that would not be enough to repay you

For you breathed life into my soul
Reached down and made me whole

So I stand and cry out in thankfulness
To You, my Lord and Redeemer

Edit

Spring Quarter, 2000

To lay it all down for you, knowing you’d do the same for me


Lord God, I want to experience Your presence, and I walk to walk closely with You.  Help me to, Holy Spirit.  You are so holy, and I could never deserve Your presence; all I would be able to do before You is to fall and die, if it weren’t for Your grace shown through Jesus, for through Him I can come into Your very throne room and not be destroyed.  What grace, that allows a sinful, unfaithful person like me into Your very throne room, which is pure and unstained.  You’ve forgiven this prodigal; so cleanse me and purify me.  In Your presence, all pretense disappears – I fall to my knees before You and cry out for mercy that I know is already there.  You are worthy of my whole life, my all, and so much more.  A thousand sunsets are a faint echo of Your glorious beauty; the whitest snow that falls is dark compared to Your gleaming purity; the most crystal clear sound is a ruckus compared to the music that’s radiated by Your presence.  Lord, my faith is so weak, and yet You are so powerful and capable of all, as well as loving and willing to do what’s best for me.  In light of that, why should I not be strong in faith, for Your almighty strength is worthy of utmost faith.  My heart cries out for something – some elegiac sentiment that has eluded me.  It seems just on the edge of my senses, almost without reach; but then the next instant it slides out of my grasp.  What is it that I’m longing for, that makes my heart dance at merely brushing by it?  There’s a stirring within me, but I can’t quite place what I’m longing for.  Lord, what is it?  What is it that sets my mind at ease, that ignites my heart with fiery longings?  Is it the island of my youth, the thing that I’ve always been looking for and longing to see squarely, and is this not really what I’m longing for but merely a hint of a greater reality?  Lord, is it Your presence that excites me, that gives me hope, that I’m longing for?  Come fill me, and meet me here, oh beautiful Lord of my longings.

Edit

Spring Quarter, 2000

All the things I have to take pride in, all the things I’ve done that I’m proud of, seem as nothing when I see how I did them wrong.  From talking to the homeless, wishing them well and not meeting their needs, to witnessing to a student and doing just about everything wrong, to everything else I do in life, I realize that my efforts have been poor at best and not much to really put pride in.  But yet You have used me nonetheless; you have taken my frail acts and vainglory attempts at holiness and blessed them regardless.  You have used me for your eternal purposes, and you are teaching me eternal truths, although I’m opting to learn the hard way.  You’re teaching me  to walk a heavenly walk that exemplifies the very incarnation of the living God; what an amazing thing that I all too often take for granted.  When all my toils fade away, when the results of my own efforts are seen to be vain and feeble, I’m forced to fall upon the grace of the one who holds creation in the palm of His hand.  I have to fall back on You, my Lord, for my own efforts have failed me.  The only meaningful things that get accomplished are Your works occurring in and through me.  Lord, thanks for refining me, for having begun the process of purifying me.

Love calls out with sirens voice
Calling me to make a choice
To lose my life in self sacrifice
To prove my love by offering all

Love calls out from the cross
Saying ‘See, I’m poured out for the lost’
A life surrendered, a will turned over
Pain leading to a life like no other

I claim to know nothing except my Lord
My Lord, and Him crucified
With arms stretched open wide
Showing there’s something worth dying for

Edit

Spring Quarter, 2000

You’re faithful to forgive me every time I turn away
There’s none like You
I don’t deserve You
How can I come into Your presence
You’re faithful to me
You bless me and love me
Even after I’ve been ignoring You
Is this my wake-up call?
To find Your love in the midst of my wanderings
Even after I deserve sharp reprimand
You gently restore me
Bless me with hope, with worship, with Your love
I will seek Your face while I’m distraught
Turn to You, my forgiver, my Lord
Run into Your arms



Lord, it’s amazing what a difference a quiet time makes.  If I spend time with You and take time to focus the day, looking to You for strength and guidance, my days usually go profoundly better than days where I immediately rush off to do my own things and forget about what really matters with the day.  Lord, help me to come into Your presence, to accept Your forgiveness, to persistently seek Your will.

I’m Yours, Lord; take every ounce of my being.

Edit

Spring Quarter, 2000

Lord Jesus, I’m convinced that you died and rose again, some two thousand years ago; I’ve tasted and seen your goodness, experienced the risen Christ personally.  Help me to testify of this, to proclaim with my whole life that You are the Lord, that You are God, that You are worthy of being followed.

I realize that so often I’m selfish with my time; I’m so wrapped up in my own life, my own worries, my own advancement, my own survival, that I have no chance to reach out and serve others.  I know that if I trust in You then everything will work out; I just somehow miss the mark as far as my focus goes.  I need to discipline myself, but trust You in the process, not relying on myself, not getting distracted from my main focus in life, which is to serve You.


“You little know how every pang that shoots through your body may be a refining fire to consume your dross—a beam of glory to light up the secret parts of your soul.”  (Charles Spurgeon, 4/8)


I want to take hold of the life I want to live, or actually the life you want me to live.  I want to live a life of holiness, of sensitivity to your Spirit, of passion, of taking advantage of opportunities.  Why am I not taking hold of it?  Tiredness, apathy, lack of confidence, and I don’t know what else, has kept me from it.  Lord, stir in me, ignite a fire within me, so that I can more fully serve You, praise You, and sing of Your love, with my faith being evidenced by a good life that is pleasing to You.  Grant me the wisdom, Lord, to know how to live, to understand Your gospel and what You’re teaching me, through tough times and good times.  I think these easy times of apathy have actually been a down time for me, since it’s caused me to be lackadaisical in my walk with You.  Lord, through whatever circumstances come my way, help me to persevere, to trust You, to seek Your will and Your wisdom.  Bring people into my life to spur me on to this; I want deeper accountability with people, deeper sharing in conversations.  I think that’s one part of life I’m missing out on – I’m not opening up very often and I’m not experiencing the blessing of listening to others and spurring them on to love and good deeds.  Give me clear opportunities to grow in this way, Lord.  I don’t want to have a stagnating faith; I want to be always growing and learning new things about You.  Help me to learn and to open up and share with others.  I need Your Spirit for this and all things, Lord; I’m utterly dependent on You to have a life that is at all satisfying – so fill me, Lord.  Cleanse me from my unrighteousness, and purify me so; give me a soft heart and mold me, Jesus.

Edit

Spring Quarter, 2000

Trials, sicknesses and struggles usually make me realize
my dependence on You, and restore a pure focus within me.
But, never fail, come clear skies I forget, I close my eyes

So Lord, remind me again and again
Of Your mercies, Your authority
Overwhelm me with a love I cannot forget,
That I cannot help but live for

To die to self is my daily toil
Unmeasured wealth that ends in joy
But in health I lose sight of the source
And forget that I’ve been crucified

I lift my voice in desired praise
I long to feel Your presence, hear Your voice
I’m thirsty for You, but I lap at the mud around me
You’re the ever flowing stream of life
But I drink not, cry for help, and complain of thirst

My frailty is ever at my right hand
My self a house that’s built on sand
Countless times I learn only to forget
Sow only to leave the seed to rot

What’s holding me back from applying all I’ve learned?
What’s standing between me and You, my Lord?
Is it myself?  Is it my perceived wealth?  Is it my health?
Whatever it is, remove it, Lord.
Take my will, even my blessings if they are keeping me from You
I don’t want to say this but it’s all I can do

Strike whatever apathy lies within me
Cut to the source, the root of the problem
Crush my pride, squander my wealth, stifle my dreams
If it will help me to You

For what else matters besides knowing You?
Even my most precious dreams and goals
Are sidewalk chalk in the rain of Your presence

Edit

Spring Quarter, 2000

Endless days of praise and adoration
Feasting on Your every word, Your every breath
Breathing in Your presence, basking in Your beauty
Healed by Your hand, led to worship by Your holiness

I want to give praise to You and You alone
For you’ve healed me, forgiven me time and again
So purify me, and mold me into Your image
So that I can glorify You and proclaim Your wonders

Thy wonders never cease to amaze me
Thy presence never ceases to astound me
Even when I wander and test Thy grace
Thy faithfulness is proved perfect

Who can match You in faithfulness?
Who can fathom the depths of Your love?
Beyond description, You are more than words
So what can I say to bring You due praise?

How can I bring You utmost glory?
You deserve everything I have and so much more
I could lay it all down before You, write a thousand songs
Endure with the faithfulness of a saint, and still you’d deserve more

All I can give is a heart that is true
Willing to submit, soft and anxious to learn
Eyes straining for Your glory portrayed
Even for this I need Your grace bestowed upon me

Edit

Spring Quarter, 2000

You alone are the Lord of my life
To you alone will I bend my knee
You alone

You alone are Savior
You alone can save me from myself
You alone paint sunsets
In Your arms I find rest
Righteousness at Your right hand
Your throne endures forever
You alone can squelch my pride
And know all the things I try to hide
Arrayed in splendor
All majesty belongs to You and You alone
Power and compassion
Holy and merciful
You alone are faithful to the end of days
All power and authority are yours alone
A suffering servant
The now and coming King
The Messiah

You alone are the Lord
You made the highest heavens
The starry hosts
The multitudes of heaven worship you
Saints, prophets and homeless alike bow down before you
You alone are God over all the kingdoms of the earth
(enthroned between the cherubim)
You alone, O Lord, are God
You alone know everything in the hearts of men
You alone bring me rest
You alone are to be feared
You alone are the Most High over all the earth
Swift, sure hand
Your love abounds

Your love, Oh Lord, reaches to the heavens
Your faithfulness to the skies
Your righteousness is like the mighty mountain
Your justice like the great deep

You voice commands heavenly multitudes
Your voice pierces the hearts of millions

You alone have authority
Even the wind and the rain obey You
Demons cringe at the sound of Your voice
Even saints and prophets fall down to worship You


Jesus You are Lord
Your righteousness reaches to the heavens
Who is like unto You?
For Your throne endures forever

Jesus You are Lord
Your faithfulness led You to the cross
Who is like unto You?
Wounded yet pure, our servant King

You know my heart
You know my every thought
But yet somehow, you love me still

In holiness, You’re beautiful
You’ve captured my heart

You’re faithful to forgive every time
You gently restore me when I turn away
Your swift, sure hand is quick to forgive
Your swift, sure hand is quick to heal

You alone are the Lord of my life
To You alone will I bend my knee
You alone are God Most High
You alone are holy

You alone are Savior, beautiful, feared, Creator, forgiver, adored, steadfast, my Shepherd, the Most High, worthy, unfailing, unchanging, unwavering, faithful, the life, my guide, perfect, righteous
You alone have authority, You alone bring life

Edit

Winter Quarter, 2000

Lord, help me.  I want to work hard and live wholeheartedly, but I need your strength to carry on.  You are my first priority, my first love; with this I should never grow weary without finding rest in Your arms.  But so often I lower my sights, drop my gaze from You onto myself, my activities, and the world around me.  I must see this world somehow if I’ve to live in it; but how can I see it if my eyes should be fixed on You?  I should see it through your eyes, so that your love, your purpose, your compassion, your mercy, can be mine, and so that You can guide me and direct me.  Wherever thou wilt have me go, there will I go, while abiding in Thee.  When my vision is clouded and I cannot see very far, I will look upon Thee, and through seeing Thee, learn the next step in this journey.  Thou knowest my frailty, my weakness in holding to such convictions, my tendencies to focus on myself and gratify my own desires rather than seek Thy will.  Thou art the perfect and perfectly holy God, in whom there is no darkness; the light that shines upon my path springs forth from Thee, for Thy word is perfect.  There are none who can compare to Thee in splendor, in love, in holiness, power and authority.  There is none other, and Thee alone will I serve; to Thee alone will I bow down and bring my humble praises.

Edit

Winter Quarter, 2000

Walking down the oceanfront strip of lukewarm sand and beds of kelp, we discuss life questions that plague the human race, such as relationships and options thereof.  Plans to get married, start a family, or build a dream house, where little ones grow up and a lifetime of memories are made.  Thinking back with nostalgia upon my childhood, a smile crosses my face as I ponder the possibilities of my kids growing up with their own classic memories, as I pass on this legacy called life.  If that happens at all, it is so far away, and I can hardly make plans now, lest I be too presumptuous and too hopeful for things to work out my way (instead of seeking God’s way).  Nonetheless, we chat about who we hope to meet, when it could happen, and the way we’ve always dreamed things could work out.  With the sky ablaze with alluring delights for the eye, and the sea breeze blowing calmly and refreshingly through this picturesque place, my heart cries out for a relationship – but will what I desire be fulfilled in spending time with her, or spending time with God?  I know that my heart cries out for what can only be truly fulfilled by my Creator; but will she be one of His methods (of comfort, joy)?  I dream about frolicking through fields of daffodils hand in hand, as laughter springs forth in joyous, carefree spurts.  With the huge rock, ominous yet guiding, standing boldly against the horizon, with the sand warm beneath my toes, with the smell of brine wafting towards me, with a touch of joy hanging on my tongue, life seems momentous and meaningful, but yet precious and fleeting.  The myriad joys in this life come crashing through my mind as I realize just how many things I’ve taken for granted.  The sufferings, hardships and commitments seem necessary and beneficial in light of the joy, growth, and wisdom that they’ve brought.  I want to find true meaning in this life, to savor the good and endure the hardships that lead to wisdom.  I know that this meaning can only be found through our gracious God, who gives the blessings of understanding, insights, strength, zeal, and abounding joys.  Lord God, help me to suck the marrow out of this life, serving you with every ounce of my being, enjoying the many blessings you’ve given in this beautiful world, being thankful and joyful all the while.

Edit

Before Your Face
Winter Quarter, 2000

(capo 3)

G            Bm                               C      Em  D
I stand before Your righteous throne, oh Lord,
In the splendor of Your holiness,
Trembling before Your glory, I drop my gaze,
These filthy rags, they are my own; what can I say?

But Your life was poured out for me,
Your blood shed to make me clean,
So now I fall down to my knees;
G                    Bm               C               D                        G      D
At Your feet I lay all my dreams, and everything I am.

Chorus:
G D/F#         Em         C            Em      D
Before Your face, all questions fade away;
G          D/F#     Em                                     D
In Your presence, Lord, all pretense disappears;
C         D                G
And I sing Your praise.



In You there is healing   (I worship You, my King)
Of Your love I will sing (I worship You, my King)
You are my everything   (I worship You, my King)

Edit

Winter Quarter, 2000

I have struggled, I have experienced a lack of emotions, I have doubted and been anxious in spirit; but the Man of sorrows was led like a sheep to the slaughter, bled from brutal wounds, while His closest friends fled into the night.  The dark, cold night wrapped it’s velvet arms around them as they disappeared from his sight.  The only contrast to the darkness was the light of torches staked around him; the only contrasts to the silence were the jeering taunts which barraged him, the howling wind which burned his ears.  When all around had abandoned him, had turned violently against him, when the sins of a million men and women bore upon his sagging shoulders, then the Man of sorrows could look at me and say, ‘This is my life, poured out for you.  See, I’m suffering with you.’  But in a much fuller way than I ever have.  Millions have experienced suffering and have complained, criticizing God for allowing such suffering.  But God’s reaction to this is voiced in this Man’s desperate cry; He suffers with us.  He knows our pain, He grieves to see what a mess we’ve made of the life he’s given us; as a mother wraps her arms around her son and cries with him, so God suffered with us.  Yes, He loved us enough to give us the freedom to go wrong.  Yes, we have fallen.  Yes, there is much suffering which seems senseless and cruel.  Yes, it’s our fault.  But the Man of sorrows suffered so that we could have life; somehow His wounds are life to us.  For as He came back to life after three days, so He’s given us a new life, a wellspring of joy, hope and strength to carry us through any trial and any struggle.  Lord, I know you will carry me through; it seems like all I’ve been depending on has disappeared, but yet I will trust in you regardless.  I know that You are here and that your strength will fill me, teaching me through every trial, making me grow all the while.


Lord, I don’t know exactly how you’ve gifted me, I don’t know your will for my life, I don’t know what I’m doing with my life, with the blessings that you have given me.  I don’t know, Lord.  There’s so much I don’t know.  I want to know your will, to hear your precious, doubt-stifling voice, so I can say, “Before your face all questions die away.”

I’ve had many doubts, questions and fears
I’ve stumbled upon my need for grace
I’m troubled before I fall at Your feet
Before your face, all questions fade away

How is this suffering justified?
How could you let yourself be crucified?
What of those who deny?

Edit

Winter Quarter, 2000

If I do good and live a life worthy of the Lord, that is an evidence of the faith within me and how God has been at work in my heart, changing me.  If I don’t, then my life is a but testimony of His grace, for He can still love  someone who has seen the myriad blessings of knowing Him, who has tasted and seen, but still forgets and turns away to other things.  Oh, what love it is that endures regardless of how it is spurned, spit upon or forgotten.


What love, that endures in the face of hatred
That endures an unfaithful lover
That stands strong though spit upon and mocked
This is a love like no other

When anybody else would have turned away in disgust
Would have taken one look at me and given up
Your love burned brightly
And consumed me

When darkness covered the face of the land
And at last, I lacked the strength to stand
Your love shone through the night,
And found it’s way to where I was,
Cowering in a remote crevice of my mind.


When I look back at this road I’ve traveled, I see so many times He’s carried me through;
If there’s one thing that I’ve learned in my life, it’s that my Redeemer is faithful and true.

My Redeemer is faithful and true; everything He has said He will do,
And every morning, His mercies are new!  My Redeemer is faithful and true.


Lord, you have been so faithful to me; your love has shone brightly through every circumstance in my life, not moved by my apathy or my wandering heart or anything else.  You have proved your love for me through every situation; now I say I love you, but how can I prove it except by living it?  And how can I live it without your grace and your strength filling me?  Truly actions reflect the attitude of the heart, they are evidence of the faith and love within, they are the manifestation of that love.  So fill me, Lord, with your unchanging, unconditional love, and purify my thoughts, my mind, and my heart so that your love can fill me completely, so that I can experience your presence deeply and powerfully.

Edit

Winter Quarter, 2000

“The apostle's words are, 'To Him be glory both now and for ever.' Will you not this day make it your prayer? 'Lord, help me to glorify Thee; I am poor, help me to glorify Thee by contentment; I am sick, help me to give Thee honour by patience; I have talents, help me to extol Thee by spending them for Thee; I have time, Lord, help me to redeem it, that I may serve thee; I have a heart to feel, Lord, let that heart feel no love but Thine, and glow with no flame but affection for Thee; I have a head to think, Lord, help me to think of Thee and for Thee; Thou hast put me in this world for something, Lord, show me what that is, and help me to work out my life-purpose: I cannot do much, but as the widow put in her two mites, which were all her living, so, Lord, I cast my time and eternity too into Thy treasury; I am all Thine; take me, and enable me to glorify Thee now, in all that I say, in all that I do, and with all that I have.'”  (Spurgeon, 2/15)


(on Colossians 1:22-23)
“The process of change begins, as we have seen, with opening the heart to Christ, and receiving him as Lord. But it is a process that is headed for a specific goal, which, according to the apostle, is ‘to present you holy (whole, complete, well balanced in
spirit, soul and body) in his sight, without blemish and free from accusation.’ That is God's goal, and he fully intends to accomplish it. The sign that it is happening---don't miss this---is, "if you continue in your faith, established and firm, not moved from the hope held out in the gospel." It is continuing that is the proof of reality. Many people start out the Christian life, filled with joy because they have found a new sensation. But it does not last. Somewhere along the line it fades. Finally, they set it all aside and go back to the way they once were. That is a sign there was never real faith at the beginning. It is continuance that proves reality. Someone has well said, "If your faith fizzles before you finish, it is because it was faulty from the first!" You get an "F" for that performance! That does not mean that faith cannot waver and wobble at times. It does with all of us. Sometimes faith grows dim, but true faith never ceases. We never give up the realization that God has changed us. There is a new attitude, a new life imparted, and that is the sign that we cannot give up being a Christian. I received a phone call from a young man one day who said, "I'm going to quit being a Christian. It's too hard. I don't want to pay the price." I said to him, "I think that is what you ought to do." There was a long silence for a moment, then he said, "You know I can't do that." I knew he could not, and he did not, for it is continuing that is the proof of reality.”    (from a sermon by Ray C. Stedman)

Edit

Winter Quarter, 2000

“The life of a good religious man must be mighty in virtues, that he should be inwardly what he appears outwardly to men.  And rightly he should be more within than he appears without, since God is our examiner whom we should reverence supremely, wherever we may be, and, as the angels do, walk pure in his sight.  Every day we should renew our resolution, and stir ourselves to fervor, as if today we had first come to conversion and to say: ‘Help me, Lord God, in good resolution and in your holy service, and grant me now today to make a perfect beginning, because what I have hitherto done is nothing.’”  -  The Imitation of Christ  (Thomas a Kempis)

“Habit is by habit overcome.”  (Kempis)


“It is not the perfect, but the imperfect, who need love.”  (from the movie ‘An Ideal Husband’)


Lord, you’ve brought me into your kingdom of light, you’ve rescued me from darkness, and given me life.  You long to give me spiritual wisdom and understanding which leads to the knowledge of Your will, which in turn leads to a changed life that is pleasing to You – being strengthened according to Your glorious might, patience, endurance, , and serving You according to Your will.  Thanks, Lord – the thanks you really deserve will always be far beyond what I could ever express, but with all I am, all my being I cry out to You in gratitude.  So often I ignore Your voice, I ignore Your Spirit trying to speak to me, convict me, guide me, comfort me, and strengthen me.  Sin is like building a wall between us, it’s me turning my ear away from you, filling my hands with other things that prevent me from receiving the blessings you long to pour out to me.  Lord, yesterday the double message rang through clearly to me; actually it was dulled and it took me a while to notice because I’m so not in tune with Your Spirit, but yet I know You’re speaking to me nonetheless.  Such potential there was that the people of Israel was given; they blew it all, as is evidenced by their captivity by Assyria and Babylon, their loss of land, king, temple, and everything else.  How similar I am to them.  You offer so many blessings, You long to pour Your Spirit upon me, but yet I’ve missed so much of what You could have done in my life.  How much potential am I missing out on?  You surely have been trying to speak to me, but my head has been turned the other way, attracted by the glittering trivialities of vain hopes and selfish ambitions.  Lord, speak to me now; give me the desire and strength to attune my life, my body, me mind to Your presence.  Send Your Spirit upon me, give me the wisdom to know Your will.  I know that these prayers offered in faith cannot fail; but how much faith do I really have?  Oh Lord, the author of my faith, fill me with the strength and the trust to have such faith, for You are the gracious God who sacrificed so much to be able to lavish Your Spirit upon me.  Meet me here, Lord.

Edit

Winter Quarter, 2000

E                        A      E                     A    
You alone are Lord, You alone are God, Jesus,
E                       B                 A       E
Your throne endures forever.

You alone can heal me, You alone can save me from myself
You know my every thought, You know my dreams

E                                    A
Though my voice runs dry,
C#m                     B                        A    E
I will sing your love with all my heart



You alone can save me, You alone are Savior, Father, Redeemer
You know my heart, You formed my heart
You alone are my desire

You alone are the Lord of my life
You alone know every thought in my mind
And love me still
You alone

Edit

Winter Quarter, 2000

Religious tolerance is pushed as a virtue; and perhaps it is.  Forcing your beliefs on others simply for the sake of trying to be right will usually not lead very far, and will offend many people.  But yet the truth of Christianity stands independently of people’s viewpoints and what they think about religion.  If it is true for one, it is true for all.  By the nature of what it is, this is so.  If Jesus really was the Son of God, who died, was raised again and who calls everyone to believe in Him and accept the forgiveness and leadership of a new life in Him, then this is a question which everyone must face.  Believing that it doesn’t really matter what you believe as long as you’re sincere, or that religion is a private thing and shouldn’t be shared, or that everybody is entitled to their own viewpoint, does not avoid this question.  It greatly saddens me that people have done offensive things in Christ’s name.  But this is to be expected given our human nature; although the strength and life-changing power of Christ can be at work within us, we are still human, and unless we fully surrender to the Spirit we are bound to go wrong sometimes.  In this fading Judeo-Christian culture, there are many who claim to be Christians who do not really know Jesus personally.  It is thought by some that many people who have turned away from Christianity have done so in valorous efforts, deciding what they believe, moving on to what much thought and reason has led them to.  But surely a true Christian will turn to Christ for much the same reasons; such people mistake the common viewpoint of Christians and the Judeo-Christian society for an actual relationship with Christ, which all true reasoning will ultimately point towards.  The question cannot be avoided: was Jesus Christ God, and what does that mean for your life?  Surely based on the magnitude of His claims, His life is something worth at least looking into.  If you have seriously evaluated this and come to a conclusion  where you reject Him as Lord, then so be it.  The Bible even accounts for some that will reject Christ.  If Christianity is true, then I do not envy such people.  But I think that an honest, rational evaluation will lead you to a certain understanding of Christ and what belief in Him is all about; then there comes the moment of decision, when the choice of whether to believe or reject Him is inevitable.  Subjectivism or religious pluralism are not ways around this.  For surely, since the claims of religions obviously conflict, they cannot all be right.  Where they conflict, one of them may be right, or at least closer to the truth than the others; or they may all be dead wrong.  But the existence of many religions shouldn’t persuade us from evaluating them individually.  Given the fact that we are finite and given the imperfect capabilities of language, no religion could perfectly express the infinite, could bring full account to the concept of God.  What I believe is that Christianity has been revealed by God, and is therefore to be trusted and believed.  While the imagery may not perfectly represent the divine actuality, I trust that it is the best that religion can be.  While some doctrinal points surely have been and are still wrong, the core beliefs in Christianity stand firm.  Other religions cannot change this.  Not that they are not worthy of looking into – but if their inconsistencies, and ultimately disregard of rationality and the facts which God has presented us with, become obvious to us, then why still believe?  Once you find what is the most rational thing to believe in, faith comes in while believing this in the teeth of terror, lusts, indifference, and emotions.  I trust You, Lord, that You are the absolute truth with whom everything else is measured to determine it’s status.  I believe in You, my Lord and God, who, despite the high number of times that I spite you, came and died to reconcile me to Yourself.  Thanks, Jesus.

Edit

Winter Quarter, 2000

I long to write infinite love songs to You;
But all I can do is all I can do
Is this enough for you?

I pledge my life and all I am
Surrender my will into your hands
Whatever I can say, whatever I can do
May it be glorifying to you

I love you because you first loved me
Showing your love, even washing feet
Living humbly, always sacrificing
Laying your life down on a tree

Like the prodigal Father you’ve run out to me
Opened your arms wide enough to be crucified, and died
Like the prodigal other I crawl back to you
But am met not with disgrace, but with overflowing mercy

I never expected such lavishing love
I could never repay such a gift from above
I expected a scornful smile, a reproaching glance
But was met with a song and a dance

Should I be celebrating with You?
For you’re celebrating for me
In light of how You’ve set me free,
All I can do is celebrate You

You paint sunsets to reveal yourself
You color the sky in multihued shades
Breathe life into creatures, into plants,
Move through the birds, the breeze, the waves
All to reveal your care, your love, your grace

Spirit, flow through me like the river’s tide,
Like the wind blow in this place, and abide
I love the way you work regardless of me
I love the way you lift up the melancholy

Edit

Winter Quarter, 2000

Is an infinite number of beliefs possible?  Can there be an infinite, noncircular chain of justification?  There is a theory which says that actual infinite cannot exist in reality; it exists in theory and concept, but not in reality.  So I see two options regarding beliefs – either they are substantive or conceptual.  If substantive, then this theory would prove that an infinite number of beliefs cannot even exist, let alone be held as the justification for a certain belief.  If conceptual, then perhaps there can be an infinite number of concepts.  But who forms the concepts?  If there have only been a finite number of thinking beings throughout the history of time, then an infinite number of beliefs could not be held, since one being could not conceive of an infinite number of beliefs, due to the limitation of his finite nature.  And surely there have been only a finite number of thinking beings; even granting evolution, the number is finite.  As long as there was a beginning to time, the number is finite.  Aside from some strange astrophysical theories about fluctuating universes, if time had a beginning then only a finite number of thinking beings have existed, and therefore only a finite number of beliefs could be held.  And by the argument against actual infinites existing in reality, time must have a beginning.  I am not sure if beliefs can exist without being conceived by someone; possible they could still be there when attained by a mind but not existing all the time.  This could lead to an infinite chain of beliefs.  But it makes sense that beliefs only can come into existence when the mind of man reflects upon them; therefore there couldn’t be an infinite chain of them.  It seems like the argument against actual infinite existing in reality holds for beliefs, for to be held they must exist.  If this is true, and if a circular chain of justifications is ruled out by it’s intuitive affront to logic, then according to the regress argument, given one justified belief there must be some self-justified beliefs (at least one).  What beliefs could be self-justified?  Surely logic’s validity itself is a prime candidate.  Also beliefs about one’s own current state of existence and existence of beliefs seem likely applicants.  Sense experience is possibly so, but yet the many times they deceive weighs against this.  But the fact that I am having sense experiences is fairly sure; whether or not they correspond to actual objects in reality is another matter (or non matter).

Edit

Winter Quarter, 2000

This year is working out fairly well, all things considered.  Our Bible study is beginning to bond and we’re having lots of fun together; I hope that people are being fed and challenged in their walks with God through both the community and the Bible study.  While I’m far from a perfect leader, I’m beginning to have more confidence as a leader and am seeing how I could share what I’ve learned and what it takes to really lead well.  Some of the shyness, timidity, and lack of self confidence that I used to possess have now disappeared, and have been dwindling over time, more rapidly recently.  I’m far from perfect in my life, but yet I’ve grown so much this year.  I’ve learned about becoming more intimate with God, about evangelism, about how to study and meditate on the Bible; I’ve gained the ability to read and understand philosophy and theology fairly well and with confidence.  Actually being able to communicate philosophy and theology is an area in which I have much to work on.  In all these things I have, also, begun to apply to my life and have experienced a shock in terms of the benefits of obeying and applying.  I have had more intimacy with God, I have become more proficient and confident in prayer, I have begun to listen to the Spirit, and I have taken feeble steps in evangelism.  All this has been the gift of God working in me, and for this I have much to praise You for.  Despite my continual attempts to annoy Your teachings, You have been edging truths past the defenses of my flesh and into my heart (and therefore my life).  Thanks, Lord, for the strength to apply that You’ve given me.  I pray that You’d give me even more of a desire for You, for Your word, to hear and follow Your Spirit.  Help me to stifle my pride whenever if tries to rise up again; help me to know that I’m totally dependent on You, and everything good in my life is simply a gift from You, which should be used for Your glory.  Lord, help me to keep growing, to strive for Your truth and to apply Your word into every area of my life.  I still don’t know exactly how You want to use me and what I should do with my life, but You have begun to confirm some gifts in me; make it obvious to me what to do and how You’ve gifted me to serve You.  Work through me even now to do Your work; send Your Spirit upon me, and help me to hear and obey Your voice.  I feel selfish for always asking for gifts, but give me a desire to study and be impacted radically by Your word; give me wisdom to understand and communicate, and empower me to communicate effectively.  Quicken my mind with understanding so that I can share Your love more effectively.  I want to be a vessel through which Your Spirit can flow and work, but I know I prevent it quite a bit now.  Bring me to where You want me to be in life.  Your gifts and blessings to me have been seemingly infinite, where I deserve so little.  You showered Your blessings upon Jacob, who became the father of the twelve tribes, and wanted Him to in turn bless others; but for most of His life it seems He failed to see this point and bless others.  In spite of this, You still used Him and started a special work in Your people Israel.  Lord, I am the same way; you have showered Your blessings on me, given me sight and even life; but yet how much do I really show this?  How much do I bless others as You have blessed me?  Lord, You can, You even have, used me in spite of the many times where I’ve failed to get it, where I’ve missed the whole point of what You’re trying to reveal to me.  You’ve used me still; and for this, all I can do is fall down before You in thanks and awe.  But Lord, help me to return the favor and let Your blessings flow through me, using them to bless others.  I totally need Your help for this; anything other than selfish endeavors seems against my very fleshly nature.  But You’ve called me to serve others, to use my gifts to bless them; Lord, help me to do so, putting their needs before my own, becoming as nothing in servitude.  For You lowered Your self down from so high, took up the ministry of the towel, and became a servant to all.  A humble God – the concept never ceases to amaze me.

Edit

Winter Quarter, 2000

“To worship is to quicken the conscience by the holiness of God, to feed the mind with the truth of God, to purge the imagination by the beauty of God, to open the heart to the love of God, to devote the will to the purpose of God.”  (William Temple)

“Worship is the human response to the divine initiative.”
“A striking feature of worship in the Bible is that people gathered in what we could only call a ‘holy expectancy’.”  (Richard J. Foster, Celebration of Discipline)


“The confession of evil works is the first beginning of good works.”  (Augustine)

A main theme in Colossians is being crucified with Christ, dying to the old self and putting off sinful desires; as well as being raised with Christ (as He was raised by God and is now at the right hand of God), clothing yourself with the new life, and striving for things above.  “Since, then you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.” (3:1-2)


Jesus, You are my God,
So conform my will;
You know my every thought,
Yet You love me still.

Edit

Winter Quarter, 2000

(Matthew 26:36-46)
Jesus, sorrowful and troubled, full of anxieties, prays feverishly and reverently.  He prays at first for the cup to be removed, but consigns His will to God’s, whatever it may be.  Over time His prayer is aligned to God’s will – the second and third times he prays he doesn’t ask for the cup to be removed so much as asks for God’s will to be done.  He addresses God as ‘my Father’.  He falls with his face to the ground, and has gone to a solitary place.  Prayer aligns our will with God’s – over time our will becomes aligned to God’s, and therefore His desires become our desires, so that whatever we ask for will be given to us, for our will has already been aligned to God’s.
The disciples were resting and sleeping, giving in to the flesh, for the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.
What’s it mean for us?  When sorrowful and distressed, pray – it will result in strength and our will being aligned with God’s purpose for our lives.
The disciples didn’t watch and pray; we should pray that we can have the strength to pray.  Quiet times, time in prayer – set aside time for these, and if the flesh resists (with tiredness, busyness of schedule, or whatever) pray for strength.

Edit

Winter Quarter, 2000

How do I prove that other people exist?  Aside from the obvious inductive arguments that are based on the regularity of sense perception and the basic assumptions of scientific validity which have been made throughout history, is there a good proof or reason to believe that other people exist?  By the logic of reductio-ad-absurdum, we can assume that other people do not exist and try to move logically to a contradiction or an absurdity, which proves that they do exist.  This would be easy if we could appeal to common assumptions made of accepting science and therefore the existence of a physical world and therefore the likelihood of our perceptions being caused by actual other beings.  Perhaps the very logic we are using assumes an absolute validity of logic.  If other people don’t exist, than I am unique in my existence and the whole world revolves around me, in fact, it exists or was made for me.  My life is spent interacting with other people, talking and relating with them through various means.  If they do not exist then all I am doing is absurd; I am talking to myself, relating to myself, run by a dream world of which I am not in control.  Surely somebody else has to exist, for I do not seem to be in control of this world.  But perhaps I could conquer my mind and learn to control it.  This would presumably include not believing that other people really exist; but then why would I keep living how I am?  This whole life is based on interactions with people and society.  In mastering my own mind, wouldn’t I cease to play this silly game and just stop?  But surely I cannot cease to play this game except by killing myself.  Killing myself would not prove that other people don’t exist; on the contrary, it would leave the question open as to whether I am not just one deluded soul out of millions who decides to take his life.  So that is not a valid solution.  So if I am to keep playing this game, if a game it is, then I must assume that many of my sense perceptions are true, especially that other people really exist.  From a practical standpoint I cannot believe that other people do not exist.  This constitutes not a proof that other people exist but a proof that I cannot really believe that other people do not exist.  Epistemologically I have to assume that other people exist; that they do not is not a practically viable belief.  Maybe I can say I believe that other people exist and play this game, while at the back of my mind reserving my beliefs that people really do not exist.  But surely over time I would forget this belief and my mind would be conformed to the assumption that the physical world really does exist and that people do exist.  It would be difficult to truly live this life knowing that this is a fake world, that this is all but a dream and a shadow of real reality, if there is any.  Life itself would be meaningless; everything I’m striving for in this life would be meaningless and futile.  I cannot believe this; perhaps it’s just the society of this imagined world of mind which has impressed this wishful thinking upon me, but I feel that my existence and the universe cannot be meaningless and futile.  There has to be some purpose.  If everything in my life is based on a lie, based on extreme misperceptions about reality, then what motivation do I have to keep living the way I am?  And if it turns out that there is meaning, that other people and a physical world and even God actually exists, then the purpose and meaning which I was made for is yet in this world to be taken hold of; I don’t have to give up hope, for existence may have a purpose after all.  What I’ve always wanted to be true, and have even assumed to be true, may be true anyways.

Edit

Winter Quarter, 2000

You call me to deny myself – I have claimed to do this, I have said I surrender everything to you, and at times this may have been true.  But at times my own hold of myself shines through, proving to exist still, at least in some frail vestige.  My life is a continual process of surrendering myself to you, of denying myself and giving over the areas of my life which keep popping up, in my pride and selfish ambitions.  I have given my life over to you; my old self has supposedly been crucified; I have new life in you – but yet my old nature keeps trying to get up and come back to life, keeps trying to seize me once again.  I’m held in the iron grip of grace, but the refining process is surely slowed by my will churning against yours.  Can’t I just fully surrender my will to yours, give up on my own desires and trust you?  Does even that strength of will allowing me to surrender come from you?  You have known my life, my comings and goings, from before the beginning of time; you have known I would live this way, and you know how I will live and what choices I will make in the future.  You know all the sins I’ll commit, and you paid for them by dying on the cross; in a sense you’ve forgiven me already.  Will your view of me ever become any lower by future sins?  Can it, since I’m your creation which has continually rebelled against you?  But you created me with care and love me with a love that is outside of time, that is unconditional on my actions, that stands firm through every doubt, worry, sin, and fear that plagues me.  You proved that love by sacrificing your life.  I claim to love you for the gift you’ve given me, for being a loving creator who means everything to me; but yet how can I prove this love except by obeying, through actions and sacrificing myself for you?  And surely, I will not perfectly obey, I will fail in even trying to act on the very love that’s given me life.  This is my predicament.  I have a love which I didn’t deserve; I try to return that love, which can only be done through actions; but I can never have love anywhere near as constant or actions-proved as yours.  I can never repay what you’ve done for me.  This gives new meaning to grace – for no matter what, I’m dependent on you, even for the strength to obey.  I don’t even fully surrender to your love which strengthens me to actions.  Lord, I’m in desperate need of your grace.  Whatever I do for you is strengthened by you; so strengthen me, Lord, send your Spirit upon me, flow through me.  May I be a vessel through which your love is spread, may I give my life up for the sake of your glorious gospel; to one day meet you face to face and to be seen as blameless.  Through the life of Jesus, I can be refined and made holy as You are holy – pure and blameless before my glorious Lord.

Edit

Winter Quarter, 2000

Rid me of my inertia of apathy.


“You, oh Lord, are the thing that I long for; and yet, I’m not sure that I can bear the emptiness that this will involve.  If I really long for you then there will be no room for the clutter of a lot of other longings . . . . I must be hollowed out to become a capacity for you.  I shrink from that pain that that will involve, but I must needs feel poverty of my emptiness, and my poverty meets with your giving in the silence of lovers.”


You have saved me, cleansed me in Your much suffered-for blood.  You have touched me so that I will never be the same.  I cannot forget how you’ve changed my life, how you’ve given me comfort and peace beyond what I expected.  Your reality is undeniable; though at times I may worry and doubt, when it all comes down I can’t deny that you are God, that you are the Lord of the heavens and the earth, that you made me, that you came and sacrificed your life for me to redeem me to yourself.  What an amazing gift of love; how often do I not realize how awesome it really is?  You’ve gone to such great lengths for me, in your sublime love and undeniable care.  Father, I desire you, to know you, walk with you, obey you; to rest in Your arms, guided by Your hand; to snuggle in the shadow of your wings.  I long for more of you; this taste of your reality instills a greater desire for You, a greater desire to live my life wholly and solely for You.  Thanks for giving me this desire; fill me with it, and inspire me to live by it, Lord Jesus, my God and King, my saving Light, my shelter in the storm, my refuge, my peace.

Edit

Winter Quarter, 2000

A night full of strange company reminds me of the familiar faces I yearn to see.  I want to meet new people, to experience the joys of new friendships and warm fellowship; I want to meet someone who I can have the privilege of spending the rest of my life with; I want intimate fellowship that can only come as a result of divine grace joining two hearts.  But Lord, most of all I want you, I want your presence, I want to know you and see you face, to walk with you, experience your love and grace which blows all else away into insignificance.


I don’t miss the driving; seems like forever,
and I’m always driving in my mind,
wearing out the road that gets me there.


In the cold stillness of lukewarm dreams
Lurking in the lurid recesses of my mind
Hints of divine beauty yet unimaginable
Sweet, peaceful, promising, one of a kind

In the lush gardens of overseen beauty
In the verdant growths of wild country
Glory so often mistaken for banality
Benign whispers missed in the wind of daily flurrying


Hunger gnaws within me
The hole in my stomach yearns
But however much I eat,
Will it satisfy my hunger?

My body aches of thirst,
My throat parched and dry
But what am I really thirsting for?
Water to soothe my throat,
Or comfort in the quest that drives me on?

Edit

Winter Quarter, 2000

Lord, show me your truth, help me to have the right attitude about listening to you, and about charismatic movements.  I believe that direct experience with you is possible, that you can and do sometimes speak through contemplative prayer, that you can and do speak boldly today as in Biblical times.  But I know that often people have been deluded, due to wishful thinking, psychological causes, or whatever.  So as I’m learning more, I’m coming into it skeptically; but I don’t want to deny your power or miss out on possible intimacy with you.  Silent prayer and listening for you has much value; help me to distinguish between true experiences with you and misguided emotions.  Help me to discriminate between those who are truly in step with you, performing miracles, speaking in tongues, prophesying, hearing your voice audibly, and those who are deluded in similar things.


Winter casts it’s gray shadows upon the horizon
Overcast skies prompt longings for the summer sun


Death laughs as it gains a foothold
Over lives and dreams yet untold
Until Life itself descended to earth
And death was conquered by rebirth


By angelic hosts Your Name was adored
With heavenly glory You were adorned
But You traded it all for a crown of thorns
A life of sorrow, and death forlorn

By the very ones You loved, You were scorned
Sweating blood that fateful morn
Through the air floats a blazing horn
A signal for those who will yet mourn

In the heartache there lies relief,
For a star rises in the east
Death’s foothold has been lost
Through one Man’s suffering on a cross

Somehow the possibility is innate
For one to die for the many
And in this perfect sacrifice
Lies our one chance to find life

Edit

Winter Quarter, 2000

Time diminishes joys and fears,
Lights dim in the mirrors
The flame flickers in the wind
The fire dies, smoke sizzles
A signal of how long it’s been
Since I’ve been with you
What can I do without thinking about you?
Everywhere I go, you are there already
Everything I do is known already

Silent beneath a blood-red sky
Sitting in the cold gray light
Lost in a myriad thoughts
That crossed my mind tonight

Edit