Spring Quarter, 1998

One thing that I have fallen love with: my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.  He reveals Himself to me continually in new and fresh ways, and I have found out once again that His mercies are new every morning, that over and over again He forgives me and gives me more chances, filling me with His strength until my life is but a testimony of His grace.


You were here for a while,
loved by others,
I remember a smile,
light hearted laughter.
As you leave these parts
you will definitely be missed
you have a place in all our hearts,
for our lives you have touched.

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Spring Quarter, 1998

How many times must I mess up,
How many times have I wronged you?
Just let me say this one thing,
Let me tell you how I feel.
These things are holding us apart,
I was wrong, don’t you see,
Could you find it in your heart
To forgive me?
A falling out of sorts,
Let’s follow this with peace,
I want our friendship to spring forth,
Once again in harmony.
I’m not perfect, far from it actually,
This time and again you must have seen.
But the bond that ties us should be unity,
His love in both of us for all to see.
So let us put the past behind us,
Reconciliation leading to trust,
Let us find the peace He knows of,
And be united in His love.

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Spring Quarter, 1998

Psalm 142
David was in peril, great danger, and he cried out to God, and he was rescued.
David showed mercy to Saul and let him live, even though he was his enemy.
David felt guilty for even taking a piece of Saul’s robe.
David leaves judgement up to God - he doesn’t take things into his own hands but trusts that God will take care of everything in His own time.

“One of the penalties of sin is our acceptance of it.” --- Oswald Chambers,

"See, I will send my messenger, who will prepare the way before me. Then suddenly the Lord you are seeking will come to his temple; the messenger of the covenant, whom you desire, will come," says the LORD Almighty.  But who can endure the day of his coming? Who can stand when he appears? For he will be like a refiner's fire or a launderer's soap.  He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver; he will purify the Levites and refine them like gold and silver. Then the LORD will have men who will bring offerings in righteousness,  and the offerings of Judah and Jerusalem will be acceptable to the LORD, as in days gone by, as in former years.  Mal 3:1-4

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Spring Quarter, 1998

The sky is alight with the glorious colors of the vivid sunset as the awe-inspiring scene reminds me once again of the wonders of our Creator; the reality of this living and loving God strikes me with unavoidable force, and I acknowledge His supremacy and His intricate and personal care for His amazing creation.  How could such a beautiful scene exist without the all-powerful sustainer behind it?  How can you look at something so vividly beautiful and not see the majesty of the God that is revealed so gloriously through it?  Clouds glow with the incandescence and radiance that must pale in comparison to the glory of it’s Maker; the soft silhouette of the mountain and the rolling hills underlie the multihued sky, and the lush green grass and profuse trees that grow between here and the horizon lie slightly visible below this fized image of grandeur, adding to the not-so subtle beauty of the scene.  As the colors and the light drifts away below the horizon, the fog rolls steadily into the valley between the mighty peaks during the dim still of the time between the times, the evening moments just after the sun has disappeared but before the darkness has time to fully settle in.
                              
“Come near me and listen”   Isaiah 48:16
“Come near to God and he will come near to you.”   James 4:8

“Come near, you nations, and listen”  Isaiah 34:1
“Come near and rescue me; redeem me because of my foes.”  Psalm 69:18
“Hasten, O God, to save me; O Lord, come quickly to help me.”  Psalm 70:1
“The Lord says: "These people come near to me with their mouth and honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. Their worship of me is made up only of rules taught by men.” Isaiah 29:13
"In the morning the LORD will show who belongs to him and who is holy, and he will have that person come near him. The man he chooses he will cause to come near him.”  Numbers 16:5
“For day after day they seek me out; they seem eager to know my ways, as if they were a nation that does what is right and has not forsaken the commands of its God. They ask me for just decisions and seem eager for God to come near them.”  Isaiah 58:2

Being impure I cannot come near you

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Spring Quarter, 1998

"To all the travelers, pilgrims longing for a home, from one who walks with you on this journey called life's road - it is a long and winding road. From one who's seen the view and dreamt of staying on the mountains high, and one who's cried like you, wanting so much just to lay down and die. I offer this, we must remember this: we are not home yet. Keep on looking ahead, let your heart not forget - we are not home yet!"   (Steven Curtis Chapman)


Pain burning like a fire, searing flames of anguish shoot through my body; pangs of fire wrack my body as the echoes of physical peace fade away in a haze.  Night and day fade together as time becomes only an intense, prolonged period of suffering and longing for relief.  But I will not, no I will not, turn my eyes from my Savior, nor will I lose faith or cease to praise Him.  Though physical pain encroaches upon me, though my desires melt away into the darkness, though relief tries to be the only thing on my mind, I will not forget the love He has for me, the promise that He’s made to me, the dependence on Him that I have in any and every circumstance.  Oh Lord, I need You - you are my only hope, my only prayer; I look to you for everything, and I will praise you regardless of the situation.  I know I don’t deserve better and I have taken everything for granted; I see now that you are really my only hope.  Though the darkness tries to hide me from you, though pain tries to bring my focus elsewhere, I want to trust in you with everything that I am; breathe in me, burn within me with passion stronger than the pain that burdens me.  I’m sorry for taking you and everything that you give for granted - I’ll love you with whatever life you give me.  Fill me, for I cry out to you, I need you, I’m wholly dependent on you.  My comings and goings, everything I do, cries out with evidence that I need you more than anything; use my suffering to bring back that passion for you that had been lost in some remote corner within me, to incite a more bold and invogorating passion within me.  I want to know you more deeply; show me another aspect of your character, of your love.  My life belongs to you - if I can be an example of you and glorify you in my suffering, then thank you for this opportunity to suffer for you; I want people to see in me the strength that only you can give, the love for life through whatever painful circumstances I may be in.  I love living, I love this life you’ve given me; use me in new ways to sing of your love and what you mean to me; speak through me and make my life a shining and ever-changing example of your power, of your passion, of your presence.

Now I begin to understand - the pain you endured, the amount you humbled yourself to suffer so much - this pain I feel now hardly even compares to the anguish you went through, but you willingly did it for me.  The mocking, the beatings, the scars, the holes in your feet and hands, the extreme human suffering - everything in your life was the opposite of what I think it should be.  Why would you want to experience such suffering, when you could but sit on your throne in glory, all bowing down before you and serving you?  Do you really love me that much, that you would give your life as such?

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Spring Quarter, 1998

You walked upon the raging sea,
Yet still they did not believe.
You revealed to them your glory,
Yet still they lacked understanding.
You gave bread to fill every need,
Yet still they could not see.
You gave a second chance with mercy,
Yet still they could not perceive.

You said, “Don’t you hear me,
Can you not yet begin to see?
Don’t you yet understand,
I offer you a saving hand.”

You are the Christ, full of glory,
yet you spent your whole life serving.
In your life self sacrifice ran deep,
Making it a life you could not keep.
You were scorned and mocked with laughter,
Silently led like a lamb to the slaughter.
Sorrow and passion filled your face,
yet still to others you show your grace.

You said, “What can I do,
What can I do for you?
Lose your life for my sake,
My life is here for you to take.”

You call me now to follow you,
Seeing your love, what else can I do?
You are the Christ, You are my Lord;
I’ll give you my life, I’ll obey Your word.
My life is now not even my own,
With my life I’ll serve as you have shown.
But Lord, until I truly see your beautiful face,
All I can really see is your compassionate grace.

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Winter Quarter, 1998

You are the God of peace, you sincerely desire to bring us peace, to wrap us in your loving arms and to forgive us, easing our worries, taking away our burdens.

“Let them come to me for refuge. Let them make peace with me, Yes, let them make peace with me.”  (Isaiah 27:5)  

(quotes from Isaiah)
All the lands are at rest and at peace; they break into singing. You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you. Lord, you establish peace for us; all that we have accomplished you have done for us. If only you had paid attention to my commands, your peace would have been like a river, your righteousness like the waves of the sea. But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed. Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed," says the LORD, who has compassion on you.  (Isaiah 54:10) You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands. Those who walk uprightly enter into peace. I have seen his ways, but I will heal him; I will guide him and restore comfort to him, creating praise on the lips of the mourners in Israel.  Peace, peace, to those far and near," says the LORD. "And I will heal them." Then you will know that I, the LORD, am your Savior, your Redeemer, the Mighty One of Jacob.  Instead of bronze I will bring you gold, and silver in place of iron. Instead of wood I will bring you bronze, and iron in place of stones. I will make peace your governor and righteousness your ruler. No longer will violence be heard in your land, nor ruin or destruction within your borders, but you will call your walls Salvation and your gates Praise.  The sun will no more be your light by day, nor will the brightness of the moon shine on you, for the LORD will be your everlasting light, and your God will be your glory.  Your sun will never set again, and your moon will wane no more; the LORD will be your everlasting light, and your days of sorrow will end.  Then will all your people be righteous and they will possess the land forever. They are the shoot I have planted, the work of my hands, for the display of my splendor.  The least of you will become a thousand, the smallest a mighty nation. I am the LORD; in its time I will do this swiftly." For this is what the LORD says: "I will extend peace to her like a river, and the wealth of nations like a flooding stream; you will nurse and be carried on her arm and dandled on her knees.  As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you; and you will be comforted over Jerusalem. When you see this, your heart will rejoice and you will flourish like grass; the hand of the LORD will be made known to his servants, but his fury will be shown to his foes.

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Winter Quarter, 1998

If only I knew that which I want to pursue,
Then I could do all that I want to do;
I see possibilities and hope for things,
But I’m not sure about what I really desire.
If I knew what I wanted, I could do all I can
To get it, I could live life to the fullest;
I want to find love, while still focusing above,
I seek my dreams, but I’m not sure yet what they are.

Oh God, why don’t you give me a relationship right now,
Why don’t you bring me the satisfaction of what I long for?
Could it be that I don’t deserve it?
Could it be that you have something better planned for me?
Could it be that you are protecting me from a potentially bad situation?
Could it be that you are guiding me to where I’m focused only on you?
Could it be that you are preparing something far better for us?
Could it be that you first want to teach me patience, focus, and virtue?  

Oh Lord, help me to wait on your timing, trusting that you know what you’re doing.
Help me to depend on you for everything and to love you more than anything.
Help me to focus on you and not get distracted by other worries and other hopes.
Help me to live only to glorify you, and to serve her and everyone else.
Help me to love her with your love and not worry about my worldly feelings.
Help me to try to serve others while our friendship but builds in your timing.
Help me to not depend on things developing the way I wish they would.
Help me to love you through everything, to always be a shining example of who you are.

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Winter Quarter, 1998

I see flowers blooming one second, withering the next, promising joys and a light heart one moment, leaving emptiness and a heart full of burdens the next.  I’m looking, longing for the peace so seemingly near, searching for any signs of life, of hope in the midst of despair.  I see a beautiful, glorious sunset, followed by darkness; a green hillside, turned brown; a blue sky, overcast with dark clouds; the gentle swell of the ocean, eventually to become the deadly pounding of high tide; valleys and hills to explore, yielding only to weariness and desolation; cool, alluring water, providing the shock of it’s icy reality; the sun’s bright and warming rays, leading to excessive heat and sunburn; a friend with whom to gaze upon the beauties of the night sky, but ending up alone in the stifling air of the night.


“These things I tell, they are more true than the heart of he who speaks.”
I Will Not Go Quietly, Steven Curtis Chapman

The truth of the gospel of Jesus Christ is so much more real, so much more true, than we who bring tidings of this truth.  No matter how people see us, this gospel of Christ is true nonetheless; we can do no more to change the truth than a man sitting in a cell can make the sun disappear by scribbling the word ‘darkness’ on the musty walls of his universe.

Lord, hear my desperate call,
I pray, bring life to us all.
Send your love, your healing touch,
The peace we long for so much.
Fill this world with who you are,
Your presence that’s never far.
Show us how to live for you,
Empower us in all we do.


Psalm 105: 1-4
Isaiah 12:4-6

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Winter Quarter, 1998

“And how can the Infinite repeat Himself?  All space and time are too little for Him to utter Himself in them once.”  --  C.S. Lewis

“. . . we apologists take our lives in our hands and can be saved only by falling back continually from the web of our own arguments, as from our intellectual encounters, into the Reality - from Christian apologetics into Christ Himself.”  --  C.S. Lewis

Lord, you are so beautiful; all the questions that come into my mind, all the doubts and worries I give in to, really only come from my lack of understanding.  From your eternal perspective, you can waive the question aside and say “Peace, child.”  You know what really is up, but I fall so far short of understanding this; you know that if I could only see things from your point of view, then I would understand and the questions, doubts, and worries would be totally meaningless, would be totally missing the point.  Help me to see things from your perspective, to not doubt you and not worry about things I long for, about how things will go and what fulfillment I find.  For You’ve promised to give me everything, in time - but for now I must wait and give up everything in my life, totally surrendering myself over to you, depending wholly on your grace and your love.

For am I convinced that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, is able to separate me from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus my Lord?

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Winter Quarter, 1998

The song of the king
spreads peace in his name,
flies on eagle’s wings,
grace and joy his reign.

Listen to the song of the king,
Sing with joy the praises of the king.
Hear the song of a love so deep,
Of a grace both matchless and infinite.

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Winter Quarter, 1998

I lay an offering of worship at your feet,
Simple words full of praise for my glorious king.
I lay my life, and all I am, before your throne,
Lift me up, forgive me, and call me your own.
I kneel down before you and I drop my gaze,
Lifting up to you my life’s broken remains.
I cry out for mercy, for your healing hand,
Instead of what I deserve, you give me strength to stand.

I’ve earned the right to be cast out of your kingdom,
I deserve to be dispelled, sent on the run.
I lie prostrate, until you lift me up,
You make me as your son, and restore my confidence.
I run outside and dance throughout the courtyard,
Forgetting the pain, leaving behind the scars.
I sing loudly, proclaiming the king’s grace,
Sounding the song of the king, in adulation and praise.

Oh the mercy of my King,
He’s given me life and freed me to sing.
Oh the grace of my King,
He’s made me as His son, restored my confidence.

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Winter Quarter, 1998

I sit under grace’s tree and wait for a feeling to come over me.


I’ve fallen into a routine of doing things, going to classes, working, meeting with people - all the things I do now I’m doing out of habit, necessity, lethargy.  I want to wake up and live live fully, to find a passion for life, for growing closer to my Lord and Savior and walking closely with Him.  I want to be full of energy and go out of my way to do things, hang out with people, and grow in friendships; I don’t want to let laziness and routine dictate what I do with my life, but that is the way it has become.  Once again I realize I need to wake up, open my eyes, take in the vibrant world around me, smell the clean air, move through this huge and totally real world.  I want to live with a passion, and to let other people see this passion in me that I’m living with; if only I could remember the passion I once had and that I’ve glimpsed just beyond my reality.  I know the One who the passion in my life comes from, and I know He is capable of restoring this passion within me; oh how I long for this to happen.  I need to become more dedicated to walking with Christ and striving to grow closer in my relati...

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Winter Quarter, 1998

Pure, uncompromised beauty, a bold declaration of the power and depth of the God of all creation.  Brilliant hues of orange and violet lie in contrast to the subtle fading blue beneath the clouds and above the horizon.  The sky is alight with colors; every cloud has taken on a glorious shade, and the bold green  lies on the rocky hillside adding power and depth to the scene.

Resting in perfect harmony, splendor laid out for all to see.

Tonight I saw the most beautiful sunset,
More than words could ever describe;
The scene filled me with such peace and rest,
Beauty echoing glory’s subtle vibes.

The ocean, the mountains, color dappled hills,
The sun setting, fog wafting, a scene of thrills.
Given eternity I could not even begin to tell
The extent of the glory I saw so well.

Wind whispering softly, waves pounding steadily, clouds flowing mightily,
Mist in the air surrounding deep hues of rolling terrain.
Beauty unrivaled, longings incited,
Passion awakened, leaving love desired.


And then I see you there, with your arms open wide, and you try to embrace me.
These lonely tears I cry, they keep me in chains, and I wish they’d release me.
Cold is the night, but colder still is the heart made of stone turned from clay.
And if you follow me, you’ll see all the black, all the white, fade to grey.


I look in your eyes
Look so deep inside
I see all that you are
And as I fall in your arms
I feel your embrace,
Your loving grace.

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Winter Quarter, 1998

Draw me near,   To a life without fear,
Draw me near,   Speak the words I long to hear,
Draw me near,   Throughout the years.

Bring me into your presence.
Living for you without fear,
I find in you the grace I need to hear,
Your love that’s endured throughout the years.
Draw me near, Lord, draw me near.

I try to run and hide, to cover my face in shame,
I need a peace inside, for this life I cannot tame.
I’ve traveled so far and wide, only to find I’m lame,
I seek the end with every stride, and find the love of your name.
The end I seek, I find the love of your name.

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Winter Quarter, 1998

...g love and matchless grace.  Any other focus will only lead us away from the One who offers true life, a life above and beyond all that we know, that we find only by following Him with all that we are.

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Winter Quarter, 1998

Have mercy, for to you I plea;
Can it really be, oh please forgive me.
Have I really stumbled once again,
Fallen and given in to such sin?
I can hardly believe what I’ve done,
As I look at me I can’t believe what I’ve become.
Have you the grace to still take me in,
The love to cover me, and fill me again?

You mean more to me than anything,
I love you more than everything.
You fill me with joy and cause me to sing,
You let your mercies in my ear clearly ring.
You soothe this world’s painful sting,
And bless me for simply following.
My conscience you’re ever clearing,
For to you I’ll be ever praising.

Showing the one true love within,
The passion that is stronger than all else;
Revealing the one with power and grace,
The cause of the hope that never grows dim.

Lord Jesus, you are my hope, my undying passion,
Your love burns within me like an ultimate kindle,
Lighting a fire of happiness, of joy inside;
Your love that stretches so far and wide.

I long for them to see you, the hope only you offer;
I cry out for them to find peace, light hearted laughter.
Lost amidst their struggles against themselves and the world,
Lie the promising words of hope that remain unfurled.

Lord, use me to reveal yourself to them;
Speak through me what they need to hear.
Help me to pass the torch of your undying flame,
To share with them the wonders of your name.

Touch their hearts, Lord, and bring them to you;
End their state of crying out, longing, with them finding you.
Fill the emptiness left in their distress
With your love and your caring caress.

Bring an end to the suffering, an answer to the crying,
Fill this world with the reality of your presence undying.

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Winter Quarter, 1998

You are the true poetry; you are so beautiful that even the most precious words fall short of describing the depth of your glory.  Even the most cherished things in our world are but reflections of your splendor, as the wavering, glassy surface of a mountain lake is but a faint image compared to the reality of the mountains towering in elegant majesty above.  

Your true beauty most people miss - they see this faint reflection of You, and come up with elaborate scientific explanations for their existence, and therefore conclude that no Creator is needed.  They miss the glory of what you’re trying to reveal to them, and depend on their own knowledge to save themselves, to describe this world; they can’t even fully explain or even understand the intricate complexities of this world, which is but a shadow compared to the elaborate extent of your reality.  I’ve seen you in your creation with my imperfect eyes, the artist behind this amazing masterpiece; you, the great artist, came down and lived with us, and sacrificed yourself in a life of servanthood and a painful, humble death, so that I now can meet the artist, so that I can look through the eyes of this son you sent and see you for who you really are.

This is for us essentially a four-dimensional world; only three of these dimensions do we have control of - the fourth we cannot stop, reverse, or anything of the like.  But you exist in so many more dimensions - your reality pervades everything, as you are above and beyond space and even our time dimensions; in light of this we seem to be but pawns in what could even be a great chess game.  But you’ve given us free will - free to do as we wish, whether it goes against you or for you.  We have the choice to follow you, and you know the choice we’ll make in so far as you’re above the time dimension, so in essence you see the results of our choices as well as us making the choices.  This apparent contradiction in free will and predestination really only comes from our inability to grasp your abilities and existence in extra dimensions, your power over all of our timeline perhaps even simultaneously; we can’t really comprehend everything about you, because we can’t even fully comprehend our fourth dimension, so trying to understanding things beyond this but boggles the mind.  You are the truth and you are so much greater than I can even imagine; I give myself up to your obviously superior authority and your deep personal care.  I love you, Lord, for all that you are.

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Winter Quarter, 1998

All my life I’ve wandered on,
Until finally my strength is gone;
This battle it seems I cannot win,
But then he fills me up once again.

Come to be with us, He’s traveled these paths,
A truth that for some reason I cannot quite grasp;
He’s experienced all, come down to so low,
I struggle with the amazing as I simply follow.

How can He have stooped down so far to this place,
To but suffer and serve, with oh so humbled face.
Bringing passion, ardor, fervor and zeal,
Where before was but apathy, nothing to feel.


What love is this that God has for His people - amazing, astounding love that defies all limits we’ve learned to apply.  Love so great that us having a relationship with an infinite, holy God is possible; love so wide to breach such a gap as that between us and this God; love so strong, so amazing, that a personal relationship with Jesus is possible, regardless of the extent of our own weakness now and in the past.  There will come a time when all know that He is the Almighty God, when the name of His people will be changed from wounded, outcast, lost, to redeemed, restored, loved.  My Lord, what love is this that you have that pays oh so dearly, simply that I might live, that I might be with you?  Such love, beyond comprehension, without match, boundless, perfect; Jesus it’s all about you - how could I ever make this up to you?

He whispers in the dark,
Watches life quicken;
Love pours out, comfort beyond a doubt.

He hung with arms stretched wide,
His last cry uttered,
Grace quickened even as life sputtered.

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Winter Quarter, 1998

On my path be the light, of my steps be my guide;
Restore to me my sight, hold me close to your side.
Fill me with your love, forgive me of my sin,
Send your grace from above, change me so deep within.

I cry out to you into the sky, brilliant blue,
For I’ve come to see that something about you I need.
I can’t live without you, these things I can no longer do;
I’m so cold within, my passion is growing ever dim.
Even now, after time and again I’ve turned away,
Could you take me in, forgive my many sins?
I call to you, because you’re what I need;
I cry out for you, and realize you’re all I need.

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